The night was cold, and I knew better than many people that feeling. It was the second time I lost her, but I knew I never got her back. She left me long before we got on that majestic ship of drowned dreams. I couldn't let her go though, because I used to be happy, and she used to be with me.
"Sir, are you Mr. Hockley?" asked a young doctor.
I looked at him, and stood up. I took a deep breath, and smile while I passed a hand through my hair.
"Yes, I am"
"Good, I would like to talk to you about the condition of your friend" he said at the same time he sat at the chair beside mine. I sat down too, nervous.
"She has a very rare, extremely rare, condition. You see, she suffers of Dissociative Fugue"
"I… Don't understand you"
"It's a type of amnesia, usually it's not temporary. The cause if psychological trauma, though she's healthy physically" said the doctor.
He continued talking but I couldn't pay attention to him. Amnesia. It broke my heart. What if Rose wasn't there anymore? Her body certainly will be there, but her mind, her personality might be gone…
"It's there a possibility she might never remember anything?" I asked interrupting the doctor.
"It's amnesia, there's a possibility yes"
It felt like if my world was falling apart. I did love her, in my own way. I never knew how to express it properly, the way she wanted anyway. I could give her presents and gifts and she smiled and look with her fearless eyes for something more, something from me. I could never give her what she wanted. It was the way my family ever expressed love, by buying things. I thought by doing this she would understand, but she didn't. Never did. I knew she didn't belong in the world she was force to live in, she wanted so much more. She didn't have freedom, and I didn't as well. I was supposed to be a serious man, a powerful worker who always had things go his way. I could never be truly that man with Rose, maybe because when I was with her I was my true self. Now, she didn't remember all the things we went through. Maybe that was a good thing, we could meet each other again without our history on our backs. She doesn't remember the horrible man I became, and all the things I did to her. She wouldn't know who Jack Dawson was. Titanic was gone, I just wished it was gone from my mind too.
"Can I see her?" I asked.
I yelled running towards her. She looked at me with a confuse look in her face. She looked desperate and holding back tears. She started running away from me. I thought she was dead, and now I was seeing her alive and lost. Two weeks had passed since the sinking, two weeks thinking I was never going to see her again and now she was so near me.
"Rose wait" I said running behind her pushing some people along the way.
To my surprise she fainted. She looked pail; she was certainly still affected from the icy water. People stared, but no one really cared. I didn't know what to do, so I just followed my instincts and decided to take her to the nearest hospital myself. So I carried her.
"She fainted, she was running… She's unconscious" I remember saying to the nurse.
I was surprised by how incoherent my words sounded, but the words wouldn't go out of my mouth with sense I was terrified. They took her away from me, and the nurse told me to seat down.
"Where did you find her?" she asked.
"A few streets away, but she's my…"
I couldn't say it, she wasn't my fiancée anymore, she never wanted it. Rose was his, even if I didn't like it, I knew it. I knew her.
"My friend… Her name is Rose, Rose Dawson"
"Ok, I need you to fill some papers. Should we call someone in her family?"
"She might have something wrong with her lungs… We were on the Titanic, she might be very ill," I said ignoring her question.
"Sir, relax, she's here now and we're going to make sure she gets better," said the nurse giving me a small smile.
I couldn't smile back.