A/N: There is an odd dialogue at the end of this chapter that my new beta said would confuse most so here is the explanation I provided to my beta.
You see I have a tattoo on my left arm of a calla lily. Lilies by most definitions are flowers of death, a go journey into the afterlife. However the lily in general has tons of symbolic meaning. For the Romans and Greeks the lily represented the phallus (aka penis). The lily's flower meaning from a florist's perspective means "I dare you to love me". For the pagans of ancient from Gaul the lily represented the symbol of fornication or as Natsuki so lovingly put it; have a good fuck.
Racer by kara papas
beta-ed by SassyCerulean
Chapter 17 – Love and a Lie
The lie was completely a simple motion of my head. Two nods for a no. This will give my Natsuki some hope to live on, and with hope I could survive. Of all the truths in my life, there are lies that have been so simply sewn in. They honestly had to have started with the night of my graduation. I will curse my pride forever, starting with lying to myself that I never loved Natsuki Kuga.
The Kyoto born woman was laying on the operation table in the emergency room of Fuuka Central Hospital. By the time that they got her there the paramedics had gone through all the blood supply they had brought for Shizuru's blood type. They went through each bag quickly, realizing that her wound was more severe than it appeared, and passed the information along to the doctors.
"Miss Fujino..." The voice sounded so distant. So much more distant than it should have. Shizuru Fujino's eyes remained shut, for she had no energy to open them. Tears escaped from her closed eyes and the doctor spoke again. "Don't cry Miss Fujino. We'll take good care of you. I won't let you die under my watchful eyes."
Faithful lies can give hope to almost anything...except realizing the truth when it's too late. I had beaten all of it, or so I thought. I pushed as hard as I could, yet I will never escape my love and my fate for my love. I do believe my punishment from above is to take me away from Natsuki forever. So cruel the gods must be; or is it envy that they have of what immortality stole from them that only mere mortals can have? A fraction of immortality given to the finite to outlast that which can only claim to be so everlasting. So they must be lesser gods, they have to be lesser because what god could steal away what God truely is? Ara, it must be the blood loss. How could I be pondering such things?
Shizuru's crimson eyes stared into the blaring whiteness of the surgery lamps above her head. The surgeons would have to be able to twist time to undo the damage made by such a large caliber weapon. The cream skinned woman was placid colored as she lay helpless to her own fate. The scissor slid under the blood stained clothe, removing it as best as it could be done. The shirt's fabric made a slick, heavy wet slap against the table. A young nurse approached and grimaced at the sight of the wound, and slowly realized the patient, Shizuru, was watching with an open emptiness.
"Doctor...I think the patient is dying..." The young nurse said scared. The doctor grimaced at the words.
"You must be new to the ER." The doctor grunted. "Hope can be found in a simple lie, my young friend." The doctor had suction running on the bloody hole in Shizuru's abdomen. "It's not a lie to her, but to myself; I can make her live again, because this young woman must have someone out there. They could be appearing at any moment in the waiting room of the ER. Waiting to know…to find out, if they can hold her again. Even if I can give them a moment together, if there is nothing I can do, and that bastard of a creator dares to steal another person from me...I will give them their time before he steals it away."
Haruka's radio went off again as she and Natsuki Kuga walked into the emergency room's waiting area.
"Officer Armitage...the wounds on the perp's body are consistent with a small caliber weapon..." Haruka eyes went wide as she pulled the radio from her belt. Natsuki stopped dead in her tracks, feeling the blood run from her body. The fear was pulsing from her, as it was for others who waited for Death to come to their loved ones here. Haruka looked up seeing the stillness of her young friend's body, knowing Natsuki was putting everything together just as she had. All Haruka was waiting for was some other form of confirmation that could validate her and Natsuki's fears.
"The couch near by Ms. Fujino's blood spots has a hole in it, there are blood droplets leading to where she fell or laid down at. I think she forced herself to remain standing until she could 'fall' where she could be seen." The other police officer mused on the radio as Haruka held it up to her ear. "That shot has a fifty-fifty chance of killing her because she sure as hell didn't die from the shock, as most people would have." Haruka gulped hard, still staring at Natsuki's backside.
"Thanks for the information...I'm shutting my radio off." Haruka spoke into the radio for the last time that day and easily shut it off. She was going against protocols, but she didn't give a shit at the moment. In a position to help others, Haruka could only see that her power was nothing at this moment in time. Shizuru had lied to Natsuki and her. Shizuru lied for love. Haruka heard the soft sound of knuckles cracking under strain and looked to the balled fists of racer.
"She lied to me...." Natsuki's voice was hushed and angry at best. The edge to the husky voice was hard to discern for anyone who could assume the situation. Natsuki felt hot tears roll down her face as the anger in her built. "She lied to me...she lied....Shizuru why? Why? Why did you lie to me?" Haruka inched forward, but pulled back realizing she couldn't truly answer it. Natsuki's hands went to either side of her head as she tried to force her mind from working anymore. The lovely sounds of Shizuru's voice in ecstasy, the image of Shizuru's nude body, her lover's beautiful soft skin trapped in a sinful, curvy form, and the promises of lies that were once truths. How could anything Shizuru say be lie when Natsuki could read through each and every mask her lover ever had to offer to hide away from Natsuki?
Natsuki sucked in air through her mouth as her chest heaved to control herself from the sobbing fit threatening her very posterity. The reality that should dawn on the biker when she would be in her later years was haunting her now. Natsuki could have dealt with Shizuru dying if they had grown old together. No, that was a lie, and Natsuki knew it was a lie. She could never be without Shizuru, and soon understood why Shizuru could lie to her so easily. Natsuki's face scrunched into a shocked sorrow, still letting tears course down her face. In a gutsy move, Natsuki charged at the doors that led into the operating rooms. The nurses and techs had no time to stop the brazen racer's charge. Haruka reached out, missing Natsuki by less than an inch and fell forward, crashing down to her knees.
"Someone stop her before she sees Ms. Fujino! STOP HER NOW!!!" Haruka yelled. Natsuki grinned, feeling the rise of the challenge and the race in her; giving her hope to race to Shizuru. Natsuki could handle whatever Shizuru's condition was - alive, dying, suffering, or dead. She had to see the vessel of that soul that belonged to her. Nothing else could really matter to her because Shizuru's voice would have lied to her the night before, the night that Natsuki could have realized how foolish she was all those years ago. The doubt she had inside then was not wanting to let Shizuru into her heart. Into a place that held a dead love of Natsuki's mother. You can only lash out at those you love the most. Make them believe almost anything you say to make them hate you and never believe again that you are truly theirs. As I am yours Shizuru. I'm became alive the moment I realized you were all I needed, and promises cannot be made into lies. Not promises made by you. You can put them off as long as you like, but don't make this one a lie. Nothing of what Natsuki Kuga was thinking made sense. The jumble of words could not be connected to anything from the beginning to the moments of now.
"Natsuki..." Shizuru's voice panted. "Make love to me...because you know it's so trying doing all the work all the time." Shizuru playfully teased, feeling the gentle brush of Natsuki lips to that of her own. Natsuki's breath staggered ever so slightly from the pain in her leg and Shizuru recognized it as such. The chestnut haired women tried to pull away only to have her lover's strong arms encircle her waist. Shizuru found herself atop Natsuki's lap as the raven haired biker rested her head against Shizuru's chest.
"A little pain for you is okay...as long as I have you forever..." Natsuki whispered, feeling Shizuru's chest rise and fall as she breathed; the steady rhythm of Shizuru's heart grew faster in response to Natsuki's words of honesty. The sounds of her heart only grew harder as Shizuru's lips parted so she could realize a sigh that would let all her fears and doubts fall away forever.
"I can only promise you the life I live now, and promise to be yours in the forever of our mortality..." Shizuru said in a sigh and then snickered a bit. Natsuki joined in. "Natsuki, when did we become so cheesy?"
"I haven't the slightest idea, but it was pretty deep until you snorted." Natsuki laughed, releasing Shizuru to sit down completely. Natsuki rubbed the tears from the corner of her eyes away and opened them to see a smug expression of Shizuru's face. "Well it's true, and to just put the deepness back on track, this is my response to you…" Natsuki attempted to respond, but started laughing again to the point of crying, making Shizuru join in.
"Oh god...Natsuki stop trying...this is making feel like I'm not turning 30 next year, but 16 again." Shizuru laughed and paused a bit to catch her breath only to have it taken away as Natsuki's lips pressed against hers. The kiss was a surprise at best after the laughing fits the two had, but as the kiss deepened Shizuru felt a wetness upon her face and pushed Natsuki back to see tears. The emerald eyes that had captured her from the beginning were coursing with tears. Shizuru opened her mouth say something and suddenly felt Natsuki's finger upon her lips. Natsuki grinned even as the tears continued to roll down her face.
"Hush, now..." Natsuki took a deep breath and smiled a truly most loving smile at her beautiful Goddess. "....aishiteru Shizuru.". Natsuki breathed in again. "Nothing can destroy that. Nothing. Death may wound me, but this love I have is always. No matter what life we live, be it this one, or another life, I will always love you. Make love to you...just so I can hear your voice say my name with bliss that I caused, because only I can love that way. I want to give back all the love you've shown me; each part of your intense love." Natsuki's hand cupped the side of Shizuru's face that was now wet with tears. All Natsuki did was lean forward to kiss Shizuru. The ways their mouths parted into the kiss made both of them feel incredible chills run through their spines. As if Natsuki had never touched Shizuru's body before, the biker ran each of her fingers nimbly over Shizuru's creamy soft skin, making sure that all them brought about some type of good response. The touches along Shizuru's back were soft and slow now as the chestnut haired woman remained atop Natsuki's lap. Natsuki's fingertips left a trail of chills, tensioning Shizuru's already aching nipples, making a slight huff combined with slight moan escape Shizuru's mouth. It was the way Natsuki slowly started at the top of Shizuru's shoulders and worked her way down the Kyoto woman's back, cupping Shizuru's ass, and continued on, softly running her fingertips along the outside of Shizuru's thighs. Natsuki's hands stopped at Shizuru's knees, then resumed her soft touches along Shizuru's inner thighs, reaching that damp apex.
Shizuru's arms wrapped around the biker's neck, only slowing Natsuki from assaulting her senses. She pressed her cheek against Natsuki, as her breathing was starting to calm from the amount of arousal she endured. "Natsuki....this is a promise...no matter what. I promise..." Natsuki easily derailed Shizuru's train of thought as the biker's touches circled at that apex between Shizuru's thighs. Shizuru's eyes closed and her brow furrowed at the jolting sensations that rocked throughout her entire body. "N-Natsuki...I'll..." Natsuki pushed two fingers in, letting Shizuru's hips rock against them. The motion was almost enough by itself, as each thrust of Shizuru's hips against Natsuki's right hand forced the biker's wicked fingers in deeper. Shizuru slowed herself down letting her own orgasm build in a torturous fashion.
"Aishiteru Natsuki...aishiteru..." Shizuru panted and gasped as Natsuki placed her left hand on the small of Shizuru's back, giving an extra push to the momentum of Shizuru's motions. "Ah...promise...I'll be yours forever Natsuki." Shizuru almost cried out in strain, fighting the urge to cry in pleasure as she felt her orgasm getting closer. "I can't...never...took advantage....so helpless...ah...Natsuki...I've always loved....Natsuki...." Shizuru incoherently rambled as she reached her climax. A winded moan escaped Shizuru's open mouth, followed by "mmm" and panted breathless utterances of Natsuki's name.
Natsuki burst through the doors almost screaming, "Shizuru! You promised me!"
A doctor's head turned to a screen as Natsuki's voice echoed down the hall. The glove and his scrubs were covered in AB blood, Shizuru Fujino's blood; everything that could be done was done.
"Doctor...she's flat lining!" A nurse shouted to the doctor as she also heard the somewhat audible sound of Natsuki Kuga's voice.
Natsuki dodged a tech coming at her by simply stepping to the side. She shouted once more about the same time the doctor in the operating room shouted to his nurse.
"Charge to 300! Clear!" The pads zapped against the once cream skinned Kyoto born woman. The electric currents flowed throughout her body causing the muscles to jolt at the same time, yet the monitor still showed no signs of activity. A sudden bang came against the door startling the doctor. Natsuki stood on the other side of the door eyes wide at the heart monitor's vital signs.
"No..." Natsuki gasped at first. "No..." This time the pain surfaced in the cracking tone of her voice. Her mouth hung open as her life felt completely pointless. Her mind flashed to the images of Shizuru's body against hers in the same bed. The images are her memories and the memories were pure torture as the biker stared at a lifeless version of her lover on the operating table. You promised me forever, but which promise are you keeping....forever during morality.
The paddles went back to Shizuru's chest for the last time. "Come on damn it! Live!" The doctor grunted. "Clear!"
Approximately one year later
"Happy birthday...." a husky voice whispered in the wide open field. In one hand there was a crutch and in the other was bouquet of calla lilies.
"Of course, be quiet...." the husky voice sighed.
"I'm not dead you know..." a smooth, slightly annoyed voice chirped. "Natsuki...calla lilies...really?"
"They mean 'I dare you to love me' and there are plenty of other meanings to it as well, Shizuru." Natsuki mumbled.
"I know they have tons of meanings and you don't have to dare me to love you. I already do. So it's either a symbolic penis or you secretly wish I died." Shizuru bluntly said turning away on the picnic blanket she was sitting on. Natsuki glowered at Shizuru for a moment or two.
"You know what! I'll tell you another meaning of these flowers! Have a good fuck." Natsuki almost growled throwing them down. Shizuru giggled.
"So they ran out of red roses again." Shizuru's red eyes met Natsuki's green ones. Natsuki nodded. "I wonder why?" Shizuru mused.
"You've bought them out almost every chance you get and almost drown me in them." Natsuki sighed. "Ever since I quit racing…after you came back to me." Natsuki had one lone tear roll down her face; Shizuru quickly stood.
"Shh, shh, Natsuki...I'm here, alive and 30 years old for God's sake." Shizuru kissed Natsuki softly and embraced her lover. "You made sure I came back...your voice called me back before the place outside of eternity stole me."