Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If I did, I would threaten the anime team at gunpoint to use my oneshots as fillers.
I felt like writing this, so I did. This will be a collection of separate one-shots, related, but sort of not. A little less angsty, but still damn sweet. All the ideas I can't put into a chaptered fic. Chronicles of Sakura's pregnancy!
Awww. (hopeless romantic, here).
No, I think it's just crack. Nothing but. Random, weird, crack.
Read and review.
Always enjoy a moment like this,
Lost in confusion, wrapped up in bliss.
Embrace this wholly, don't let it fade
Enjoy it forever, together.
Don't be afraid.
"Shizune-sama, where i-is Sasuke-san?"
The young medic rose her head from her paperwork, puzzled by the flushed gaze and sparkling white eyes of Hyuuga Hinata. The female shinobi's hands were shaking, almost wringing with a desperate need, but the delighted smile on her face could not be plainer. Clasping her pale hands together under her chin, she struggled to contain the excitement brought on by...Shizune could only, very vaguely, guess.
"Jounin meeting. Naruto's overseeing." In unison, the women winced. The obnoxious blonde leading a meeting usually meant topics of a random, and frankly, useless, nature, arguments with no clear point and of course, lunch. "Why Sasuke-san, Hinata?"
Twisting her fingers in agitation, the white-eyed shinobi seemed to bounce on the balls of her feet, and it was so very strange to see her this way. Eyes shining in anticipatory yearning, the shyest of smiles making it's way onto her pretty features as she seemed to keep herself from bursting out with unnatural excitement.
Leaning forward, she placed a hand on top of Shizune's paperwork and, after another moment of breathless exhilaration, whispered in her ear what was sending her into such a frenzy.
The dark-haired medic let out a squawk of astonishment, scattering the assortment of objects on her desk onto the floor and thoroughly ripping TonTon from his peaceful rest. Hinata placed her hands together as if praying, then put them to her mouth, wondering if Shizune was surprised or glad, or both.
"Omigosh, we have-we have to tell him!" Shizune rounded her desk and mimicked Hinata, clapping her hands together; the joy was utterly contagious. "I'll find Tsunade-sama, you find Sasuke-san, or at the very least, Naruto-san!"
Nodding to each other, they crossed the threshold swiftly and ran in opposite directions, eager to spread the news.
"I won't stand for that, not now, not ever. That's a poor decision on your part, Hyuuga, a damn poor decision!"
Neji folded his arms and exchanged a covert glance with Uchiha Sasuke, whom also had his arms crossed over his chest and was content with staring out the nearest window, rather than listening to Naruto's untoward demands and dictations. "Vote, then."
Cerulean eyes narrowed in annoyance, and the blonde leaned over his podium and attempted to intimidate the room with his glare. Unfortunately, he broke the tense silence by pitching headfirst over it, inviting the crowd to join in the raucous laughter. Closer acquaintances with the obnoxious, soon-to-be Hokage, (Sasuke, Neji, Shikamaru, Ino, and Tenten included), looked away out of respect, though Sasuke did not hide his snicker.)
"Fine!" Naruto burst out angrily, slamming the gavel down for unnecessary emphasis. An overseer reached past the young shinobi and took it away from him. Naruto pouted slightly.
"Fine," he repeated. "Who wants to go out for lunch?"
"I just want to get out!" Ino screeched into the microphone, slamming her fist upon the table. The entire room winced. "I just got home, damn it, that mission was no walk in the park and if you think that I'm going to waste my precious time sitting here listening to you babble about food you are sadly mistaken, Naruto!"
"That's Hokage-sama to you," the blonde replied, sitting smugly at his raised podium.
"You're not Hokage yet," the overseer reminded.
"I'd pity Kohona if he were," Sasuke rumbled quietly, sharing a smirk with Neji as Ino dissolved into hysterics and Shikamaru sat up abruptly, apparently unaware of the loud proceedings.
"Shut up, teme!"
"Ah ah ah, that's not the way to speak in front of your elders," Sasuke mockingly chastised, inclining his head to the overseer on each side of Naruto's podium. Leaning back in his chair, he crossed his booted feet upon the table and smirked at his friend, the latter's face growing steadily redder.
A sound cut through the nth tense silence that afternoon, and Hinata's slightly flushed face appeared as she opened the door as quietly as possible, evidently aware of the meeting. As one, all heads turned to focus on her, and she smiled gently at her friends, nodded at her. Glancing at Sasuke, whom had merely inclined his head in greeting (and even that was a bit too much effort, in his opinion), she averted her eyes and strode up the aisle. Her newfound confidence was so noticeable, and had been, lately. Curiosity peaked as she stood on her tiptoes and put her chin upon Naruto's podium, whispering quietly as the blonde leaned forward to listen.
"What?" Naruto asked, unable to understand. Hinata continued in a low voice.
"What?" he repeated.
Seeming a little exasperated, Hinata glanced quickly over her shoulder at Sasuke, who rose an eyebrow in inquiry, but she had already turned back to Naruto.
Now Sasuke was annoyed.
"Hinata, I can't understand what you're saying, you're speaking too quiet!"
Clearly frustrated, Hinata's words were caught by the elders, and they too focused on the Uchiha.
Sasuke was still extremely annoyed. He did not appreciate people talking around him or about him or frankly, with him, or any combination of the three. Still leaning on the two back legs of his chair, he tapped his fingers against his muscular upper arm, nudging his microphone with his foot out of irritation and boredom.
Naruto finally understood. Unfortunately, the poor boy lacked common sense.
"SAKURA-CHAN'S HAVIN' A BABY?!"
Curiosity struck again, and every head turned to see Sasuke's chair now on the floor, the microphone knocked over, and Sasuke nowhere to be seen. Neji leaned sideways and watched the Uchiha impassively, and Ino gaped, open-mouthed. An outbreak of babble and talk commenced, and Sasuke reappeared, dusting himself off and avoiding any and all curious gazes. Planting his chair firmly on four legs, he roughly lowered himself in it and stood the microphone up, leaning forward.
The males at his table were smirking; the women, cooing, and the normally stoic man scratched the back of his neck, keeping his head down. If possible, he seemed paler than usual.
He tapped the microphone.
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.
The dark-haired medic pouted slightly, then continued slamming her fist into the heavy wooden door.
"No you're not, you're just drinking again!"
"That's a terrible thing to say! I'm doing...paperwork."
Shizune frowned, staring at the plaque on the door. "Um...Tsunade...I do your paperwork."
The Hokage let out a frustrated groan, and Shizune let herself in.
Sure enough, the blonde Hokage was slumped over her desk, swinging a bottle in her limp hand. It slipped from her fingers and would have hit the floor and shattered had the other woman leapt for it.
"Lady Tsunade," she chastised, placing the bottle carefully on the corner of the desk. "Wait 'til there's a reason to celebrate!"
"There's always a reason to celebrate," she retorted snidely. "'Specially if Jiraiya's involved, that bastard. I just won another bet."
"Is that all you do, is try to best Jiraiya?" Shizune inquired, eyebrows furrowed. "I have news!"
Tsunade grunted in reply, apparently interested in pulling apart a pen, eyes slightly unfocused.
The door burst open and low and behold, Jiraiya stumbled over the threshold and shoved Shizune out of his way, lowering his bloodshot eyes to Tsunade's.
"Tha' apprentice o' yours is bearin' an Uchiha bastard!!"
"You drunken mess! That's so rude!" Shizune screeched. "I'm ashamed, so ashamed, of both of you," she continued. They both stared at her blankly, and she shook a finger at them in reprimand. "Bad, both of you are very bad."
Shizune flounced out, TonTon's toes clicking on the wooden floor. She stuck her finger out once more, pointing it at each other them in turn, glaring. "BAD INFLUENCES!"
Jiraiya slid from the desk and onto the floor in an ungraceful heap. Tsunade sat up as abruptly as though she had been smacked across the face with a saucepan.
Sasuke stared blankly ahead, ignoring the fact that the entire room full of jounin was crowded around his table and barraging him with prying questions. Neji and Shikamaru remained on either side of him, but Ino and Tenten were lying across the table with their chins propped up in their palms, craving for details.
"So, when you decide you wanted a baby?"
"Is it a girl or a boy?"
"This is the first I've heard about it. Go away."
"What will you name it?"
"Do you still find her sexually attractive, even when she's pregnant?"
They continued, and Neji and Shikamaru, being the great, loyal friends they were, sat and watched the Uchiha grow steadily angrier. Preferring to watch him suffer. Hinata was chastising Naruto sorely for his outburst, while Naruto was half-torn, half-ecstatic at the fact that he was going to be a godfather (though no one had confirmed this yet). Meanwhile, the air was filled with pink confetti and metaphorical hearts as Lee, whom most would have assumed he'd be crushed, danced and twirled in circles around the room, shaking hands with random jounin and talking about how pretty Sakura-chan was.
Oh, yes, and speaking of graphic topics of 'youth' at the top of his lungs.
"Is she going to breastfeed?"
"Who's going to be the godfather?"
"ME!" Lee interjected, showering Sasuke's ebony locks with confetti.
"No, me!" Naruto protested, clapping Sasuke's shoulder, wonderfully oblivious, as Sasuke crushed the microphone in his calloused hand.
Lee pouted for a moment, then jumped upon the desk. Sasuke stared up at that little bastard in his tight green spandex and I'll carve out his kneecaps with a rusty kunai and damn, my wife's coarse language is rubbing off on me, and speaking of which, where the hell is my wife, anyway?
As though Lee had read his mind, he punched a fist into the air, metaphorical flames burning in his dark eyes. "I MUST PROCLAIM THIS REVELATION TO THE WORLD! SAKURA IS BEARING A CHILD OF THE ILLUSTRIOUS UCHIHA BLOODLINE! HOW YOUTHFUL!"
Sasuke slammed his hands on the desk and prepared to slash the kunai straight through his torso; Shikamaru grabbed Sasuke's wrist and Lee took the opportunity to flounce out, recalling vivid wedding memories of the couple. Of their cake fights and their vows and how fun the honeymoon must have been, although Lee most likely had no idea what making a baby really entailed. Poor boy, he would be scarred.
"Get. Him." Sasuke seethed, gritting his teeth at Neji. "Get him before I kill him!"
Neji shoved his chair back; normally, he might have grinned insufferably at the Uchiha, further testing his temper, but this wasn't the time.
"Sasuke, where ya goin'?" Naruto asked, bounding along behind Sasuke. The dark-haired shinobi left a furious trail of broken desks and overturned chairs in his wake, and the crowd followed them out the door and down the hallways. Sasuke mentally created his to-do list.
Find wife. Kill Lee.
Tsunade and Jiraiya burst out of a nearby office and hurriedly ran down the hallway; Jiraiya yelled "She's pregnant!".
Sasuke quickened his pace.
Kill Lee, the pervert, and the hag. Then, find wife.
Said wife was not at the hospital, nor at home, as Sasuke had discovered by checking her usual dwellings first thing, a constantly babbling Naruto close behind. Wherever Sakura was, the entire crowd of people were sure to follow.
Sasuke now stood in the middle of the villager square, frustrated beyond palpable belief. Kicking a stone, he put his arms behind his head and stomped around: Where is she?
Someone familiar was walking towards them, clad in typical jounin attire and with his nose in a book.
Kakashi looked up just in time to be hoisted up by the collar by an enraged Uchiha. Sharingan blazing in his dark eyes, he shook his former teacher roughly.
"Sasuke, she's your wife, not mine. Although..." Kakashi trailed off knowingly with a smirk.
"Tell me where she is!"
"Is something wrong?" Kakashi asked lazily.
"Sakura-chan is having a baby!" Naruto exclaimed.
"Surely not right now?"
"No, we just found out!" Naruto said.
"Well, then, I should go congratulate her-"
Sasuke took him by the collar again. "NO, you're going to stay here and tell me where she is!"
"I have an idea..."
"I don't know if I want to."
"I WILL KICK YOUR PORN-ADDICTED ASS!" Sasuke screamed, his voice near-hysterical and catching the attention of many passerby out for market day.
Kakashi chose that moment to disappear, and good thing too, because Sasuke felt the need to punch someone, and Naruto was the only one around.
Kill everyone. Find wife.
She was completely peaceful.
Small body stretched out gracefully beneath her favorite Sakura tree, eyelids fluttering every so often as her chest rose up and down in a steady rhythm. Her sleep had gone interrupted for a while now, but as the ground began to shake, she groaned and stretched her arms above her head. Pink locks tousled, she yawned and put a hand over her eyes in the direction of the obnoxious noise and realized that an entire crowd of people were not only calling her name, but thundering, a united throng, towards the tree.
Not keen on being trampled, she sat up quickly and backed against the trunk, trying to discern familiar faces. She saw Lee, Shizune, Tsunade, Jiraiya, Ino-pig and Tenten; Lee was in the lead, and close behind him, in furious, fatal pursuit, was Sasuke.
Cursing amiably, Sakura used her excellent chakra control to run up the trunk of the tree and camouflage herself within the branches, trying to figure out exactly what was going on. Straddling a branch, she peered through the foliage and saw them gather around the tree.
Sasuke appeared in front of her, crouching deftly on the branch. "There you are."
"Sasuke, what's going on?" she demanded.
"I...you're..." he couldn't speak. "They all want to congratulate you, for being pregnant!"
Ludicrousness ballooned in the silence.
As frightening as Sasuke could be, he could admit that he feared for his life as she took him by the collar and dragged him to her, speaking dangerous, staccato syllables against his lips.
"I didn't tell anyone,"he hissed, highly affronted. "Naruto's the idiot that told all the jounin!"
Sakura surveyed him with a predatory glare, then let go of his shirt roughly, her expression softening. She fixed her jade eyes upon his dark ones, letting her thin, fragile fingers trail down his chest.
"Are you happy?" she whispered.
"What?" Sasuke snapped, without thinking, which proved to be a mistake. Her countenance became stony as she swallowed noticeably, blinking furiously at his callousness that more often than not, came through at the worst times. Staring at her, he searched her face and saw her distress. His anger, while not directed at her or the event, was coming out at her.
He raised two fingers to brush the stray tendrils of hair from her face, blowing gently in the breeze that wrapped around them.
"Are you...happy?" she repeated, even softer. Voice cracking in the end, she lowered her head to stare with narrowed eyes at the branch they were straddling, jaw set so strikingly familiar. It almost hurt him to see.
He took her hand; his strong, calloused fingers protecting her fragile, ivory ones, those same gentle ones, that could break him, physically and emotionally, with just one touch.
Cradling her face with his other hand, he leaned forward and breathed gently against her lips:
"Yes, Sakura. I am."
It was slowly sinking in, just how palpable and real this was. He had never expected to make it this far, in life or in love or in anything else. He had never thought about it and for all the time he spent thinking, he had never wanted it embedded in his mind for fear of losing it all over again.
Nothing could take it away this time.
Not his love for her, or hers for him.
Not his life, that was now changing for the better, if that was possible.
Not his unborn child. His child. Her child. Their child.
"I hope he has your eyes."
Sakura gasped quietly, at his sudden, rare display of personal affection. Untwining her fingers from his, she wrapped her arms around his neck and dragged him down to her, crushing her slightly open mouth against his with a moan. Tugging on his dark hair as she pulled his body against hers and he complied, sliding his arms around her waist and deepening the sensual kiss. Clutching each other, in love and in want and need.
"Sasu-kun," she murmured, with her bottom lip still captured in his own. "I hope he has your heart."
And she meant it. She always had.
He splayed his fingers across her lower stomach and felt it gently. Somewhere in there was a heartbeat. A separate rhythm that beat wholly on it's own, another being that would have Uchiha blood in his veins. Strength. Loyalty.
With the best qualities of each other.