Disclaimer: I own nothing and yeah... these things always lower my self esteem.
A/N: this idea for a story came to after going to the psych page and playing the in training games and thought what if they actually did this to train a new secretary, and thus the idea of Psych's New Secretary was born. the end. please scroll down now.

It takes a lot to surprise Shawn Spencer. Growing up with his father he learned to expect the unexpected, yet he was still surprised by the scene he found when he opened the door to his Psych office. There stood Carlton Lassiter with his cold eyes and a scowl set in stone, with a rather young woman wearing tight black jeans, and some band shirt of a group Shawn had never heard of, her light blue eyes glaring at him, the only part of her face that showed emotions.

"Good, you're here," Carlton said and pushed his way in, dragging the girl.

"Uh please come in Detective Lassieface and girl I've never seen before," Shawn replied after being pushed out of the way.

"I like that," the girl mumbled, "Detective Lassieface."

Carlton glowered at her, but said, "So this is where you're going to be working. You answer phones, take messages, give messages and don't talk to Spencer unless it's work related. I don't want you getting into any conversation about which is the better fruit, bananas or pineapples."

"Well it's so clearly pineapples that there is no need to discuss it," Shawn replied.

"Shawn, be serious," Gus scolded. "Lassiter, what you do you mean she will be working here?"

"Spencer, Gus, this is Psych's new secretary," Carlton said, and pushed the girl forward.

She was annoyed, that was clear from her facial expression and with her arms folded across her chest that was the annoyed cherry on the annoyed sundae. "As you can tell, I'm thrilled about it," she stated dryly.

"Um, thanks for the reference Lassie, but we…" Shawn replied, trailing off looking for Gus to help.

"Our budget can't really afford a secretary right now," Gus finished.

"She's going to work for free," Lassiter stated, trying to end this discussion.

"They don't want me, okay? Can we just leave?" the girl asked, now glaring at Carlton.

"No! It's either this or jail," Carlton told her.

Shawn and Gus found each other's eyes, sharing a look of surprise and panic especially after she said, "I'd rather take jail."

"Uh, see Lassiter, the thing is," Shawn interrupted this argument, hoping if he used Carlton's name respectfully he'll listen, "at Psych we don't have strict standards, but the ones we do we try to follow. The first one is that anyone who works here has to be old enough to buy a pack of smokes. Now, I'm not encouraging anyone to smoke, we just want him or her to be old enough so I can't get hit with anything like statutory rape."

Carlton, in an instant, grabbed Shawn's arm and pulled him close, squeezing. "There will be no contact between you and her, I don't even want you making eye contact with her. Got it?"

"Relax Lassieface," the girl said, mocking him.

He glared at her, but let Shawn go. He rubbed his bruising arm and said, "The second requirement is that anyone who works here shouldn't be taking this over jail. And I don't think she meets either one of those."

"I'm eighteen idiot," she snarled.

"In a week you will be," Carlton corrected her. "If you were then you'd be in jail."

"Then in six days I'll do the same thing," she snapped.

Carlton lost it at this. He grabbed her arm and dragged her over to the desk. He forced her in the chair and commanded, "Stay."

"No." She tried to get up, but Carlton pushed her back down and pulled out his handcuffs. He quickly put one metal bracelet on her wrist and the other on the chair. She glared at him, and tried to raise her arm, but was only greeted by the song of metal clinking against each other.

"What if I have to pee?" she whined.

"Shut up, for the love of God! How does your mother stand you?" He was nearly yelling, getting red in the face.

"Why do you think she left?" she screamed back.

"You think you're going to get any pity out of me?" he asked, glaring at her.

"Not asking for any, just you off my back," she told him.

"Trust me, in six days if you pull any stupid stunts, I'll be happy to arrest you, stick you in a cell and leave you there," he retorted.

"Great, let the countdown begin."

He turned away from her and faced Shawn and Gus. "You two, come here." He led them away from the girl and whispered in a low voice, "Listen, the only way I could convince the judge not to give her jail time was if I had a place where she could be supervised while she completed her community service. And since you're technically part of the police department, the judge was more then willing to let her come here."

"Don't you need our permission for that?" Gus asked.

Carlton nodded. "You signed a release paper already. And I would never ask you this but I will kill her if I have to spend another hour with her. So please just take her off my hands."

"Hold on, we have to confer and then see what the spirits have to say," Shawn told him, and pulled Gus to the side.

"We can't take her Shawn, she'll probably set the place on fire," Gus warned.

"Gus, Lassiter is asking us for a huge favor, he will totally owe us. Plus, he's desperate, we can't miss this opportunity," Shawn told him, and ended the discussion.

He came back to Carlton and offered, "We'll take her, but you'll owe us one."

They saw Carlton shudder with displeasure, but also nod.

"And you leave the handcuffs," Gus added.

He nodded, handed Gus the keys, and walked back to the girl. "I'll be back after my shift, do not misbehave."

She nodded in defeat and right before he walked out the door she called out, "Bye Uncle Carl!"