"I don't want anything to happen to you Bella."
"How can I ever be sure of that?"
I bit my bottom lip. I knew this wasn't a good time to bring it up, but I couldn't help it. "If you turned me-"
"No." Edward said immediately, not letting me finish. "Absolutely not, no."
"Edward," I complained, "you didn't even let me finish."
"I don't have to. I already know what you're going to say."
"You're not being fair and you're not being reasonable!" I exclaimed. I knew I was whining, yet I was powerless to stop it.
"I'm being perfectly fair and perfectly reasonable. Bella, you have the gift of being mortal. You don't know how lucky you are to have that. I won't have you living a soulless life like me. Do you really want to be a damned creature of the night? Drinking blood? A monster?"
"You're not a monster Edward." I said, not liking how he brought himself down like that. He didn't give himself enough credit.
"Regardless, my answer is still no. I won't allow it."
"But this is what I want."
"You say that now, but you don't really know what you want."
I took a step towards Edward and held his hand as I said "I know I want to be with you, forever."
Edward smiled and traced my lower lip with his finger, causing my heart to flutter. "I believe that," he whispered.
He then leaned in and kissed me tenderly. It was a light kiss, a feather on the lips if you will, but it still left my heart pounding and somehow I was breathless. I smiled, knowing that I could never share this feeling with anyone else.
Edward smiled, but then frowned and said "I shouldn't have done that."
I tilted my head to the side in confusion and asked "Why not?" Edward always kissed me.
"It's not good for me to be around you. I cause only problems for you."
"What are you talking about?"
"After what happened with Jasper….Bella, I could never live with myself if anything happened to you, and much less if it was caused by me or my family."
I sighed. So the incident with Jasper still haunted him. "Edward that was just a horrible accident. Jasper didn't mean too."
"I know he didn't mean too. He cares about you too, but that still doesn't change the fact that it happened and it could happen again. Not just with him, but with another member of my family or even me."
I shook my head and said "That's crazy. You're just being paranoid."
"You shouldn't trust me so much Bella."
"You shouldn't doubt yourself so much Edward. You need to trust yourself the way I trust you."
"I can't take that risk. I want no possibility of you getting hurt or anything happening to you."
"What do you mean you can't take that risk?" I asked, letting go of his hand. I didn't like where this conversation was going.
Edward touched my cheek tenderly before saying "Bella, you know I love you more than anything in this world, more than life itself."
I smiled. I believed that. "I love you too Edward."
"I would die if anything happened to you."
"You can't be sure of that. Not as long as you're around me and my family. Look what happened with James and then that incident with Jasper. No matter how hard I try, I can never fully protect you because the greatest danger you face is me."
"You think you're a danger to me?" I asked in disbelief. Surely he'd gone a little crazy.
"I know I'm a danger to you. Every day I live in fear of losing you and it drives me crazy. Bella, I think it's for the best if I'm no longer a danger in your life. If I'm no longer in your life."
I frowned, getting a little nervous. I definitely did not like where this conversation was going. "What are you talking about?"
"I think it's best if we just end it here now before anything happens to you. We should just….go our separate ways."
My hand immediately flew to my neck, trying to push down the lump that was forming there. I found it very hard to breathe and had to take deep breaths. "Wha-what?" I asked, hearing the crack at the end of my voice. Edward heard it too because immediate pain showed on his face and he turned away from me.
"I should go," he finally whispered.
He walked out the door, not bearing to look at me. I gasped and put my hand over my mouth to stop the sob that was threatening to emerge. No, this wasn't happening. This wasn't happening. How had we gone from a kiss and declaring our never ending love for each other to…this?! I shook my head. This WAS NOT happening. I took a deep breath and found the will to still move my legs. I walked out the door, following Edward outside to where he stood in front of his car. So he was really leaving.
"Edward," I whispered.
He sighed and turned around, grief written all over his face.
"Why are you doing this?" I asked, not bothering to hide the pain in my voice anymore.
"I don't want to do this either Bella. It's killing me as much as it's killing you, but it's for the best."
"For the best? What about my heart Edward? It's not the best for my heart." "You know what I mean." "No I don't. Why don't you tell me because it's really simple to me. I love you and you love me, as simple as that. Screw what's for the best." I said, getting angrier by the minute.
Edward sighed and said "You'll thank me one day. I'm doing this for you."
"For me? For me?!" I almost screeched. I was going from sad to angry, and I didn't know how to stop the rollercoaster emotions of my hysterics. "Tell me how the hell you're doing this for me Edward!" I yelled at him and punched his shoulder with my fist.
Of course Edward's skin was like smooth hard marble, so he didn't feel a thing yet it somehow helped me to take out my anger on him. He didn't answer though and instead just didn't say anything. "Answer me!"
"I know it's hard to be brea-…going or separate ways."
"Going our separate ways, is that what you call this? This is more like…." I trailed off and I finally realized the message behind his words. I'd known it all along, I just hadn't wanted to believe it. Tears threatened to spill and I tried hard to hold them back. I looked into his eyes and saw all my pain and obvious grief mirrored in his eyes. I opened my mouth but no words came out. I cleared my throat and finally managed to whisper "Are you breaking up with me?"
Edward put his hand over his mouth, as if to stop his own sob from escaping and couldn't look me in the eyes. I shook my head and whispered "You don't mean this, any of this."
Edward didn't say anything. The silence was killing me so I said "If you're going to do it then just do it. Stop using words to cover it up and giving me reasons. Do it. Break up with me." It was a challenge, almost a dare and I could feel the anger start to bubble up in me again at his silence. "Do it," I said and pushed him. When he didn't say anything, I started to push him again. I don't know what demon overcame me but I started hitting his chest angrily while yelling "Do it dammit, do it! Break up with me, just say it! Do it!" Edward turned away from me and started getting in his car. I pushed him in, slamming the door when he was inside and screamed "You're a coward! Just go and leave then! It doesn't matter, I hate you! I hate you!"
Edward started the engine and for moment I thought I saw a tear in his eye, yet my hysterical rage was uncontrollable. "Fine, go! Leave!" I screamed and kicked his car wheel. Tears were streaming down my face and I wiped them away with the back of my hand. I was breathing heavily and started taking deep breaths to calm myself down. When I was a bit calmer, I realized what I'd done and was filled with a sense of doom.
I shook my head and asked fearfully "Wait, we're not really breaking up are we? This is just a stupid fight we're having, it's not, it's not happening. Tomorrow it will be like it never happened, right?" I asked.
I grabbed on to Edward's car door desperately and pleaded "We're not really breaking up, are we?"
Edward didn't say anything, instead he just looked over at me, looking deep into my eyes. And in that one single look I saw everything. In his eyes I saw pain, grief, and watery tears. I realized how stupid I'd been, going hysterical on him like that. Of course this was affecting him. It was hurting him to and this crazy scene I'd just made wasn't helping. Maybe if I would have talked to him calmly then he could have changed his mind and I wouldn't be here right now, in this position. I'd screwed up everything, just like I usually did. Edward looked away and I let go of his car door, watching him drive off until he was not only a small speck, but completely out of sight. I crumbled to the ground, right there in front of my house. I didn't care if Charlie came home and saw me. I didn't care if the neighbors or someone from school saw me. I didn't care if anyone saw me. I didn't care about anything anymore. I closed my eyes and let the tears freely fall. I hugged myself tight and sobbed, knowing that nothing would ever be the same again.