Title: Breeding Sheppard
By: qwirky
Rating: PG
Pairings: John/Elizabeth, Rodney/Radek
Category: Humor
Warnings/Summary: Baby!fic, Mpreg
Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis and its characters aren't mine.
Notes: For Pooh, who likes the idea of John with babies. Thankies to Kyrdwyn for the title.


John bounced the baby on his knee. "Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy."

The baby gurgled at John.

"We'll have to return him to Rodney soon," Elizabeth called from the closet.

John pouted at the baby, who bapped him happily on the nose. "You like me much more than Rodney, don't you?"

The baby drooled.

"That's a yes."

The baby looked around.

"Or a no," Elizabeth said, stepping away from the closet.

John gaped - the long, black evening gown she was wearing for their banquet on P3X-581 looked amazing on her - and wordlessly handed the baby to her open hands.

"Nice to know I still have an effect on you five-months pregnant," Elizabeth said dryly.

John nodded, clearing his throat, and distracted himself by making funny faces at the baby.

"He doesn't really look like Rodney, does he?" Elizabeth commented, bouncing the baby affectionately.

"He looks more like Radek," John agreed.

"They'll have to agree on a name soon. We can't keep calling him 'the baby.'"

"I figure they'll come up with something by the time he's three, or he'll just become 'the toddler' by default."

Elizabeth cooed at the baby. "Poor baby."

"Poor baby," John echoed. "Daddy and Daddy had an easier time naming the device that impregnated Rodney."

Loud banging on the door caused John to sigh. From the hallway: "Sheppard! Give me back my child!"

Elizabeth shot John a look. "I thought you said Rodney let you baby-sit."

John put on his most innocent expression. "Well, he did. Sort of. I left him a note in his lab saying I'd taken the baby for a few hours..."

More banging. "Sheppard!"

John rose from the bed and opened the door. "Jeez, McKay."

Rodney swept past him, making a beeline towards the child. Elizabeth gave him the baby without protest. Rodney's face softened once he had his infant in his arms.

"How's Rodney Jr.?" Rodney cooed, tickling his son gently.

John mouthed, 'Rodney Jr.?' to Elizabeth. Elizabeth shrugged. She didn't know either.

"I'm taking Rodney Jr. back to my room," Rodney announced. He glowered at John, as if to convey the message, 'Do that again, and I will HURT you, some way, somehow,' then swept back out, the door swishing shut behind him.

Elizabeth wrapped her arms around John's waist from behind. "At least," she mused, "he didn't threaten to cancel our children's future play dates for a year like he did that time he found you trying to teach the baby how to say 'science geeks.'"

"It was 'physics geeks,'" John corrected absently.

"An important distinction," Elizabeth said. Noticing his subdued air, she released him and tugged on his arm. Giving him a gentle smile, she reminded him, "Carson and Lorne are waiting for us in the gate room."

John nodded. Shaking himself mentally, he took her arm.

As they left the room, John said, "Hey, when our baby's born, we should call her 'John Jr.'"

Elizabeth smirked. "Not on your life."