Date Written: July 30, 2007

Summary: Kenpachi and Yachiru spend a fun, happy day at the park where they are met with battles that could quite possibly thrown them over the edge!

Flo: Time for Flo to toss her hat into the Bleach fandom! Admittedly, I'm on a personal hiatus for writing an actual novel, but I've hit a snare with it and hopefully once I get this idea out, I'll be able to head back to it.

WARNINGS! Hmmm, crack-ish? Don't think so. But if you dislike mundane situations, don't read. Other than that, none. Which is odd for me. -shrug-

Disclaimer: I do not own Wow, these are annoying.

Hope you enjoy!


Zaraki was supposed to be fighting. Of course, he was always supposed to be fighting according to himself and he damn well would if his body didn't tire out after a few days of it. Stupid, worthless body. But that wasn't what he was angry at. He was supposed to be fighting Ichigo Kurosaki, specifically. True, there had been talk during the briefing about fighting some other things, but when the words, "real world" had been spoken his mind had gone right to his favorite opponent and the chance to fight and/or kill him.

Sadly, those plans had been dashed for the time being due to the fact that Kurosaki was in school. Now, don't go thinking that Zaraki hadn't considered just busting through the roof to get to him. That had been his very first idea when Ikkaku had told him that that was probably where he was. However, he had also said that Kurosaki would not be able to properly fight him due to location and time. It had taken well over an hour for Zaraki to accept that because a real fighter wouldn't care what was going on when challenged. Idiots. It took even more time to convince him that it was for the best in order to pump himself up for the battle that was surely to come (mind you, they didn't exactly say his battle with Kurosaki).

While Zaraki sat in a corner (not sulking), Yachiru had jumped on him and said that she bet Kurosaki would pass by a place called the park while on his way home from school and that would be the perfect time for them to fight. Zaraki had found that idea highly pleasing and decided to kill two birds with one stone. One stone for releasing the energy Yachiru obviously had boiling inside her from the constant bouncing and the other stone to kill Kurosaki with. Zaraki couldn't remember the last time one of the few plans he had listened to (plans are for pansies) appealed to him so greatly.

So there they were at the freakin' park. Yachiru playing in the sandbox, while Zaraki lounged on a bench bored out of his skull. He was beginning to strongly dislike this park place partly because he couldn't bring out his sword and there were way too many woodland creatures scurrying around for his tastes. Then again, glancing at Yachiru and how much fun she was having without having him have to pay for public destruction (which he never understood because as long as she was happy, those idiots should be happy), he felt that he could take this. Only for a while, though.

At least, that was his thought before they came.


The day was shaping up to be a near perfect one for Yachiru. She got to go to the fun world, she had discovered the wonders of television that had the best show ever (the news), and since it was were Ichi was, Ken-chan was especially happy. So much so, he agreed to take her to the park! Yes, it was a near perfect day.

Why only "near," you may be thinking? Aside from boring as hell hollows, there didn't seem to be any good fighting for Ken-chan aside from Ichi. And Ichi was being a complete jerk and staying in school instead of fighting Ken-chan! School didn't seem to be helping him at all with his smarts. On the bright side, she had been able to cheer Ken-chan up by convincing him he'd show up at the park. From what she saw on the news, the few fights that happened in this world seemed to happen somewhere near the park. It only made since that that was where they should fight. Ichi just had to show up sometime. If he knew what was good for him, that is.

In the mean time, Yachiru took to making her own battle field in the sand box. She had completed the general layout and soldiers (mounds of dirt with spit for molding) and had just finished working on perfecting their features, such as two strategically placed rocks, plastic on heads, flowers, feathers, a particularly shiny piece of glass, and white hair she got from a bunny (no animals were harmed during the playtime of this child).

She then began work on Ken-chan. He was a lot easier to construct when it came to the main body. For one, she had done it a thousand times, and two, he was pretty much just a giant hill when it came to dirt sculpting. Taking the sticks she had already gathered, Yachiru picked the ones with the leaves at the end for Ken-chan's bells and carefully stuck them in his head. Next was the brown leaf. After crushing it up into pieces, she inspected each one until deeming a perfectly eye shaped piece suitable for the eye patch. For his sword, she simply got another stick and used her nails to sharpen it to the proper point. With another stick, she drew random lines on the figure for his scars. Finally, Yachiru finished her masterpiece by putting a pebble on the left shoulder and placing pink flower petals on the top of it.

Yachiru stood up and smiled at her greatest Sand Ken-chan, ever. This called for the real Ken-chan's viewing. She quickly began to turn around to go fetch him.

At least, that's what she was doing before he came.


"Why, hello there!" some freaky as hell lady practically sang and a herd of almost, yet not quite, as freaky ladies followed close behind. "I don't believe I've seen you around here before!"

"That's because I haven't been here before," Zaraki said, making sure to have it sound as rude as possible. The obvious intent was for them to leave pissed off. Not pissed off would be much less satisfying.

However, they instead just laughed. Well, the leader started laughing and the herd quickly followed suit, each one sounding exactly the same. Zaraki figured that it must be some cult.

"Oh, you are a card!" the leader said. She then had the gall to sit down beside him. Another reason Zaraki should have brought his sword. "I'm Mary Sue, by the way. Charmed! And you are?" Zaraki kept looking forward, trying to figure out what this bitch was thinking and how stupid exactly was she. "Oh, I see. You're the big, shy type, am I right?" (1)

"Like hell," Zaraki found himself muttering.

"So, are you here alone?"

Zaraki's first thought was to flick the bitch off. Then he got the idea that if he pointed Yachiru out, she might be stupid enough to go up to her and make the mistake of wanting to play. That would be a fate much worse than death. "Nope. My... kid's right there."

Sure enough, the lady took one look at Yachiru and, "Aw! She's so cute! I could just eat her right up! And look! My little Timmy is playing with her!"

"What the hell?"


"What are you doing in my sandbox, you stupid girl?" some kid said.

"Making a battle field," Yachiru simply answered. "You own this sandbox?"

"Yeah, it's mine! So you can't play in it!"

The stupid kid then proceeded to try and push Yachiru out, but Yachiru being Yachiru, simply stepped to the side making the kid fall out instead of her. "I don't see your name on it, kid." She wasn't angry. Honest. She was actually amused that he thought he could hurt her.

The kid pushed himself back up and glared at Yachiru. "What's your name?"


"That's dumb."

Okay, now Yachiru was getting angry. "It is not!" she shouted, stomping her foot. "Ken-chan gave it to me, so don't go saying crap you don't know about!"

"It is so a stupid name!"


"Because I said so!"

"Well, you're a dumbass!"

"And you're a stupid girl!"

"You're a bastard!"

"Pink haired freak!"

"Bitch boy!"

"Spinach for brains!"

"Jerk off!"

"Butt head!"



"Oh, it seems that Timmy's found a new little girl to pick on!" the Mary Sue lady was saying with an odd little laugh.

"Then shouldn't you go punish him, or something?" Zaraki asked. Before you go thinking that he felt Yachiru couldn't handle herself, Zaraki merely asked that to avoid having to explain why Yachiru killed some 10 year old kid. It'd lead to more nagging and less action.

"Well, boys will be boys, you know!" The herd nodded in agreement. "Can't do much of anything to stop them! And I'm sure he's doing it just because he likes her!"

While giving up on making sense of that logic, Zaraki couldn't help but notice that this Mary Sue lady really didn't seem to have any other facial expression other than smiling. At first he thought she was just a freak. Now he knew she was a freak, but he also came to the conclusion that her face was frozen like that from some unnatural force probably shot into her face.

He quickly took his attention back away from her for fear that she might start thinking he was interested in what she had to say. The sight he beheld in the sandbox was one of relief. Yachiru was having a name calling contest with that mutant's offspring and was, of course, winning by a landslide. He did find it odd that none of the ladies were trying to break it up or were horrified by some of the things Yachiru was saying. Many a times he had witnessed a child say a word in Zaraki's daily vocabulary and get a public beating for it. He slightly wondered what was wrong with these ladies. Or, he was. The answer given was probably the stupidest thing he'd ever heard.

"Listen to that. Aren't children just so innocent?!"

Zaraki was too shocked with the idiocy flowing from this lady that he couldn't think of how retort to such a ridiculous statement. That wasn't innocence! Even if she didn't know what she was saying, it just wasn't. It was bitchiness.

Wait, Zaraki thought. Does she know what they mean?


"Only stupid girls make dolls in the sand!" the brat was saying, his face mere inches away from Yachiru's.

"They're not dolls, they're action figures!" Yachiru shouted, her voice starting to get even higher with rage. Had this been a person from the Soul Society blatantly insulting her work, she most certainly would not just be yelling at them. However, this boy was not worth her time when it came to physical combat. He was much too weak and it would be incredibly boring. Plus, she had been warned prier to their vacation (how could something so fun be considered work?) that she was not to beat any kids up since they wouldn't stand a chance and if she did, there would be no candy from Byakuya.

"Then they should be mine 'cause girls don't play with action figures!"

"You don't know how to play with 'em!"

"Yeah, I do. Like this!" The boy proceeded to stomp the mini Pachinko head and the bit of glass on it. Yachiru gasped in horror as the brutal sand massacre continued, the boy roaring as he stomped out each one.

"Stop it!" Yachiru was screaming at the top of her lungs making a few birds fly off.

The boy just kept laughing and roaring until he came to the sand Ken-chan. Time slowed down to an unbearable pace as the foot descended upon the sand mound until it made contact. The sticks and leaf were crushed into oblivion, his sword snapping in two. Mini Yachiru flew off into the sand as Sand Ken-chan disintegrated into a thousand grains gone from existance. Yachiru stared for a while at the tiny hill that was Sand Ken-chan while the brat laughed.

Screw candy, Yachiru thought.


"So what's your wife like?" the Mary Sue lady said, snapping Zaraki out of his ponderings by the laughable question.

"Don't got one," Zaraki scoffed with an eyebrow twich.

"Really? Then where's your little girl's mommy?"

"Hell if I know."

"Then how… Oh, you adopted her! That is so sweet!"

Zaraki was so close to hurling as the herd sighed. His fingers had been twitching desperately for something to cut those people and their leader with for quite some time, but he was debating whether strangling them would be as satisfying as seeing their blood paint the grass. Desperate times called for desperate measures, though.

"However," she was still saying, "it's not good for a little girl to be without a mother."

"You sayin' I don't take care of her properly? If you are, get in line."

"No, no! Oh, don't be silly!" A hand made contact with his shoulder at that. An idea came to Zaraki that could actually work. Perhaps biting her hand off would be close to cutting without a sword than mere strangling. He had always thought that his ridiculously sharp canines for meant for something more than just eating. "What I mean is that she needs some sort of feminine guidance. Someone like me could easily teach her the things all ladies should know!"

As the herd giggled, Zaraki swallowed back down his lunch. Enough was enough.

"Look, bitch-!"


Mary Sue's face had actually contorted into some odd look of fear mirrored by the herd. Following their gaze, Zaraki's face burst into a huge, though probably evil looking, grin. To his delight, Yachiru was stomping that brat's head deeper and deeper into the sand box, a new curse coming out of her to emphasize each blow.

The leader and her herd quickly ran to the two and somehow managed to get the brat out from under Yachiru's foot after seeing that they were unable to yank her off of him. The boy looke to be in a state of shock as he coughed up sand, but didn't look bad at all. There was no visible concussion, so Yachiru must have gone easy on him. Zaraki himself got up and made his way towards them, Yachiru quickly meeting him halfway and jumping onto his back.

"Ken-chan!" she was fussing. "That bastard stomped you so I just stomped him back! He asked for it! And I went easy on him, even though he didn't deserve it, but he was being a jerk!"

"Yeah, yeah," Zaraki said.

"How dare you!" the Mary Sue bitch screamed at him. "Your little demon child nearly killed my sweet little Timmy! What do you have to say for all of this?!"

Zaraki looked at the strained glares the women were giving him and smirked. "Aren't children innoccent?"


In the end, there had been no meeting with Kurosaki. It turned out that the park they went to was on the other side of town from where he went to school and lived. He was sure that somehow, some way, the Soul Society would find out about this and nag him forever about it without actually doing anything. The ladies had also threatened to call Child Services, to which Zaraki dared them to because he could use all the service they could give. It was all pretty damn annoying.

But that kid deserved what he got, Zaraki discovered that you can get surprising satisfaction from seeing plastic faced women try to show how mad they are (admittedly, not as much as he would have gotten from death, but still enough for him to feel like something was done), and Yachiru was happy and had lost a large amount of her hyper activeness from all of her shouting and anger.

Yes, it had been an okay day considering he hadn't gotten to fight, Zaraki mused as Yachiru lightly snored on his back.


1.) This isn't meant to be a Mary Sue parody fic. It was an accident. She was originally supposed to be Mary Beth, like the cosmetic ladies, but she seemed to be hitting on Zaraki and it made me think OC love, so Mary Sue.

2.) (side note) You know, I could actually continue this as a one shot Zaraki/Yachiru father/daughter fluff thing. Maybe. Depends.

A/N: The self-proclaimed queen of father/daughter fluff when it comes to gruff father figures just couldn't help herself with that last part. What'd everyone think of my first Bleach fic? I admit, it could be better, but I couldn't figure out where it needed tweaking for my like. -shrug- Hopefully, I can now return to my book. Maybe get to chapter five.

And WOW! I just glanced at the newest fics in the Bleach section… ALL submitted today! It's like that in the PoT section, too. Why not Tsubasa Chronicles?! We need it most with the latest angst-fest that is Fai's past! And yes, Tsubasa is my main fandom.

You know what to do!

Please leave a review!

As always, CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is welcome with Orihime's cookies! No, not those cookies.