A/N: Hahaha, I normally hate submitting stuff to fanfic sites... I like how this came out, though, so I wanna see what people think. XD

Just note that Craig and Tweek are sixteen in this story. The idea of the gnomes plaguing Tweek well into his teen years is too funny to ignore. XD

Disclaimer: Not my toys; just playing with 'em.


The name was barely a hiss in the dark, but it still roused him enough to open one brown eye. "Whassat?" He slurred groggily, rubbing his still-shut eye and casting about for a glimpse at Tweek's clock from his spot on the floor. 2 A.M.

"The gnomes!"
Tweek was shuddering on top of the bed, bony knees drawn to his chest and his wild blonde hair more askew than usual, pointing with a trembling hand at his dresser. "They came an hour early!"

"Tweek…" Craig sighed, massaging both his eyes now. "The fuck? I keep telling you the gnomes aren't freaking real…"

It was then that he picked up on high-pitched, wheedling voices singing a working song, and tiny silhouettes pacing in single file to Tweek's bottom-most drawer. His eyes shot open, and Craig was now uncomfortably awake. "Are you serious?"

"I told you!" Tweek had a violent spasm, wrapping his arms around himself as he pressed his body against the headboard. "Nobody—nnf! Nobody ever believes me!"

Which, as far as he knew, was true. Stan and those guys had never acknowledged Tweek's gnome infestation again after the Harbucks incident.

Craig, as stealthily as he could, had freed himself from the confines of his sleeping bag and was now watching them with befuddled interest. "… Damn, man. Did you ever try and catch one? You could, like, sell it to a freak show or something…"

He didn't pick up on Tweek's horrified gaze.


Not until Tweek screamed, anyway.

"Are you kidding me? I can't do that! They'll… They'll do something to me!"

"They're six inches tall, man, what could they possibly ever do to you?"

"They dropped a cart on Kenny!"

"But that's Kenny." Craig, to Tweek's discomfort, had crawled even closer towards the gnomes, who were either completely oblivious to the two boys, or doing a damn good job of ignoring them. "… They're stealing your underwear, did you know that?"

"Ggh!" Tweek anxiously scuttled to the foot of his bed, peering at the taller boy on the floor. "I told you they did that! I want them to stop!"

"… What do you want me to do?" Craig asked, turning to look at Tweek's shadowy form on the mattress before he realized that one of the gnomes was looking at him.

They considered each other for a while, before Craig raised his hand and flipped the gnome off. "What do you want?"

To his surprise, the gnome returned the gesture. "You're in my way, pussy."

Tweek chuckled nervously from the bed, muffling it haphazardly as Craig glared. "Fuck off, r-tard, I'm not afraid to step on you."

"You fuck off, pussy."

Craig growled under his breath, reaching back under Tweek's bed for one of his army boots and poising himself to smash the gnome's head in.

"No, Craig!" Tweek slipped from the bed, grabbing Craig's wrist.

The scuffle that ensued was interesting enough: two skinny teen boys wrestling awkwardly in the dark, uttering curses and grunts as the little gnomes continued to patiently file in and methodically steal Tweek's undergarments. Finally, Tweek wrested Craig's massive boot away, chucking it back beneath his bed and dashing to grab the elastic of his last pair of boxers.

"Give that back!" He shrieked, literally lifting the gnome so that it was dangling from the hem of a leg. "I need it for tomorrow!"

The gnome, much to Craig's satisfaction, was kicking pathetically in the air. Tweek may have not had much height on them when he was eight, but at sixteen, it would've taken at least seven gnomes, standing on each other's shoulders, to reach their comrade.

"For what? Go commando, stupid!" The gnome spat out in between flailing. "It's not like you can't!"

"… You know," Craig piped up after a small, shocked silence. "It's got a point."

"I don't wanna!" Tweek gave his boxers a violent jostle, and the gnome tumbled off. The little man cursed angrily as he hit the floor, getting up and shaking his small fists at both of the confused boys before his companions beckoned for him hurriedly at the door. After a few seconds of heated debate, the furious gnome fervently flipped Craig off.

"This isn't over yet, pussies!" With that, he stormed out after his party.

Craig retaliated by lifting both of his middle fingers in response, before he looked at Tweek in disgust, his lips bunching in a (very manly, non-pussy) pout.
"Wow, what an asshole."

"They're not that bad," Tweek admitted as he pulled his boxers on over his pajama shorts (The only logical place to keep them). "They helped me out with a report… O-once… Gah!" His eye shut and his head jolted for a few seconds. "They've gotta stop stealing my underwear, though—my parents are going to kill me when they find out it's all gone… Again! Nn!" He punctuated this last statement with another spasm.

Craig snorted derisively, before he shifted his hips in discomfort. "Is it just me, or did it get really cold in here?"

They stood in silence before Craig uncertainly slid his thumb between the waistband of his shorts and his bare skin.

"… God dammit."