Disclaimer: In YOUR yasha, you fuckwaste. This show I am writing about is not mine, was never mine, and probably won't be mine. Unless I duel them for it.
"So what the shit makes you think that Koga was never retarded?" Ginta sneered as he and his cohort stepped gingerly through the dark and rocky-floored cave without any kind of coverings on their feet.
"I don't know." Hakkaku said back to him. "It's just something that came to me."
"Hakkaku, thoughts of midgets with winged penises also come to me every now and then, but I don't go looking around for short people flying crotch-first, now do I?"
"No, but then again- wait, what the fuck?"
"Oh, come on, everyone thinks of weird shit sometimes. Why, my mom and dad-"
"No, look behind us, Ginta!"
Ginta turns around to meet the gaze of a face with only eyes in what appears to be a big light-box to two people in feudal times. We, of course, would know it as the Idiot Box.
"What the hell are you?!" Hakkaku stammered out as he tried to alleviate his focus from the sheer craziness of this plot twist.
"Ginta. Hakkaku." The faceless being began, though he did not have a mouth. Use your imagination as to how he speaks. (Hint: out of his ass) "You have entered the last few steps to your doom."
"Are you the guy who sent out those ugly bitches?!" Ginta demanded of the faceless stranger.
"Well, holy fucking hell, never do that again!"
"Ginta, you'd rather kiss those bitches than see what I- eww, not on my screen, you shit!" The faceless man groaned.
Hakkaku looks down with pity as his weak-stomached partner (life partner ((they're gay (((I didn't know if you could tell from the other chapters, except for the one with the strippers ((((oh fuck i wrote myself into a hole just now. ignore it)))))))))) who has turned the monitor with the Faceless man's… face… into a solid barf target at the thought of even touching the abortion children of the last chapter.
"Alright, I can tell that I struck a nerve with that one." The faceless man said, at last breaking the post-puke silence.
"You're amused by sending out those creepy girls aren't you?" Hakkaku asked.
"How could you tell? Did my invisible grin give it away?"
"Shut it, Hakkaku, I'll ask the questions now." Ginta interrupted in a rude, Joey-esque manner.
"...Okay. Have it your way."
Hakkaku sits down in a huff on the rocky floor, turning his ass into a cross between frozen mayonnaise and frozen swiss cheese.
His ass is cold.
"In about five minutes, I am going to release pain the likes of which can be rivaled by not even one million puke-girls." The faceless man promised them, pinky extended Dr. Evil style toward his invisible lip.
"You'll do no such thing!" Ginta screamed, kicking the monitor and promptly breaking glass all over his foot.
"CURSES!" The faceless man screamed from his room at the end of the cave. "I hadn't counted them actually destroying the monitor upon being threatened with terrible pain! I should have prepared!"
The man pounds his knuckles hard against the floor, his head against the wall (but he did it to himself).
"Just assume that it's not worth getting back up... so I'll blame it on bad luck." He says as he slowly gets up. "...and I'll SHAKE RESPONSIBILITY!!"
"What are you babbling on about?" A voice inquired from the other side of the room.
The faceless man turns around to see Hakkaku making a lone stand in the exposed entry-way to his cave-hideout.
"What the fuck?!" The faceless man shrieked.
"Exactly what I am wondering."
"Where's your bonehead friend?" The faceless man asked Hakkaku as he stood in the most intimidating pose he could muster. "The one who destroyed my monitor."
"What is a monitor? The glass box thingy?"
"Yes, no shit. What else could I fucking be referring to? Do you see anything else in this cave outside of this room that he could destroy?"
"He's recovering from his bleeding foot. He and I came in this cave in the belief that our questions about Koga would be answered. We took one look at this cave and knew that we would find the answers. There was a certain pull, a feeling that we both got that-"
"Oh, really?" The faceless man said sarcastically. "Did the fact that there was a sign outside of the cave that said 'ANSWERS ABOUT KOGA IN HERE' and had a big neon arrow give it away?"
"...Never mind that now. I want answers."
"Okay, ask some questions." The faceless man said, sitting on a couch that Hakkaku didn't notice him materialize out of thin air not but a few seconds ago.
"Uhh..." Much like how the faceless man never planned for the monitor being destroyed, Hakkaku had never planned on actually having questions prepared to obtain answers.
"Damn, thinking things through is a bitch isn't it?" Ginta said, limping in the room (not to mention leaving a small trail of tiny rocks behind him that are falling out of his asscheeks) and joining the faceless man on the couch.
"Did I say that you could shit cave rocks on my leather cushions?!" The faceless man demanded of Ginta.
"Oh, okay. I was just wondering, because I didn't remember."
"HEY!" Hakkaku screamed at the faceless man. "I have a question for you."
"Has Koga always been retarded?"
"No. That was a piece of reality that I distorted for the purpose of the story."
"WHAT?! So the Koga we thought we knew is really completely different?!" Ginta asked in shock, a few shards of glass falling out of his sandpaper-rough feudal tongue (you know you want it).
"Oh, okay." Ginta said before scooting over and letting Hakkaku sit on the couch as well.
"So what is the real Koga like?" Hakkaku followed his question up.
"Three letters: A-S-S." The faceless man held up three fingers for effect. Two of them were middle fingers, one of them was his left thumb.
The two wolf partners glanced at each other. Then they simultaneously said "makes sense."
"Okay, why have you been bending reality?" Ginta asked in the same tone you'd use to ask your cat why he shit an inch outside of the litter box.
"Shit, just boredom I guess. I prefer this over watching you two do nothing on TV." The faceless man said. "OH SHIT, that reminds me! I have to keep being evil if I want to end this fucking thing!"
"What?!" Ginta and Hakkaku both said, having only paid attention halfway through the faceless man's giveaway sentence.
"Nothing. Nothing at all. Say, you two guys hungry for some of that food stuff people talk so much about these days?"
"Kind of." Ginta said while looking at an ass-rock he left behind (hehe) and drooling at the thought of digesting it and turning it into a GENUINE ass-rock. An ass-rock of shit.
"Well, there's food in that wooden door over there." The faceless man points over to the wooden door to the left of the entrance to the secret room.
Ginta gets up and limps over to the wooden door, opening it to reveal A FEM-BOT FROM AUSTIN POWERS!!
"Mother of god. I have a boner of fear." Hakkaku said, staring in awe at the machine-hoe. (OH SHIT WAIT THEY'RE GAY I JUST SAID THAT A FEW PARAGRAPHS AGO. UHHH... IT DIDNT HAPPEN I GUESS. SOMETHING DIDNT)
"You won't be laughing for long, niggas! HAHAHA!!" The faceless man evil-laughed while shitting a brick of cheese just to make up for how cheesy his evil laugh was. "Now my fem-bot, give them your tittie bullets NOW!!"
The fembot almost manages her attack, but the wolf brothers find the best way possible to counter-attack her gun-nips; their penises.
"WHAT?!" The faceless man roared. "How are you able to jam your penises into such a tight space?!"
"DEMON MAGIC!" The wolf-demons yell at the same time as the fem-bot's tittie guns back up and cause her to explode. The two wolves survive the blast, but the faceless man is laying dead on the floor by the time the smoke clears. The wolves ignore his death.
"Damn, Ginta! Look at this!" Hakkaku pointed to the enormous computer that they had missed until just now.
"It's another glass box." Ginta said. "I don't care. Let's go."
"Brokencyde?" Hakkaku asked no one in particular while reading out the name under the button "Fuck You #3".
"What the hell is that? Like suicide?" Ginta pondered.
"Let's find out." Hakkaku pressed the button.
LKJLSKDCSKLFKL LFN KECNL :KLEKFCRAWNLKNLAWKECNLAWHGJKRFHV was the instantaneous reaction of the duo as the worst goddamn thing ever put to digital audio loudly filled up the cave. There was no escape, no matter how hard the two begged to die. Even destroying the monitor did nothing. Finally, the two each grabbed a shard of the monitor's glass and committed seppuku. As they bled on the cold floor, the faceless man got up. He dusted himself off and peered down at the bodies emptying their blood in a large puddle.
Then he looks at you, the reader.
Then he flips you off.