A next gen crack!fic of sorts. One-shot. Obviously contains DH spoilers.
Albus Severus Potter was excited for his first day of school. As the Hogwarts Express pulled out of the station and he settled himself in his seat after waving goodbye to his parents, he let out a content sigh. The Sorting Hat won't let me become a Slytherin, he thought to himself. Even if it thinks I should be, like Dad said, it knows I really want to be a Gryffindor and will take that into account.
Albus thought that he had been sitting alone, but he now realized that the cabin contained another boy. "Hello," Albus said. "Are you a first year too?"
The boy nodded. "Yep. I'm Tom. What's your name?"
"I'm Albus," Albus said.
Immediately, Tom's face lit up. Albus couldn't help but feel excited. He obviously knows who Dumbledore is and greatly admires him! Albus thought to himself.
The boy's outburst, though, proved Albus to be wrong. "ALBUS!" the boy exclaimed. "What kinda name is that?!?!"
Albus blushed. He was completely embarrassed! No one had ever made fun of his name before! His parents had always told him that Albus was an important name, as was his middle name, Severus. Perhaps that was a more normal name? Thinking as quickly as he could, he lied, "Well my friends call me Severus. That's my middle name."
Instantly, Albus regretted not having told the boy that his friends called him Al, which was true. The boy just started cracking up laughing again. Albus couldn't believe what was going on. Maybe the boy was just crazy. Confused and embarrassed, he picked up his belongings and took them to another compartment, where he found his cousin Rose sitting.
"Rose," he murmured, "some boy is laughing at me for my name…"
Rose smiled sympathetically and said, "Don't let it get to you, Al. It's not your fault your parents gave their kids such horrid names!"
Albus could feel his lower lip involuntarily trembling. His parents were gods in his eyes! And Lily and James had perfectly normal names…come to think of it, Albus had thought his name was normal his entire life up until a few minutes ago. "Wh…what are you talking about?"
Rose immediately covered her mouth, her eyes becoming as wide as saucers. "Oh…I wasn't supposed to say that…Mum and Dad said to keep that between just us and Hugo and…" She murmured it from behind her hand.
"What are you talking about?" Albus repeated. His lip wasn't trembling anymore. What the hell was going on?
"Well I suppose I'll tell you anyway." Rose stood up and walked towards Albus, so that only the doorway stood between them. "My parents think your parents are a bit loony to name their kids after a married couple, but Albus Severus? Everyone hates that one. Not just Mum, Dad, Hugo and me…Grandmum and Granddad do too!"
Albus didn't have time to process this thought. Just then, a loud cry came from down the hall. Rose and Albus both turned to see Scorpios Malfoy running out of a compartment, rubbing his behind and crying. "Just look at poor Scorpios," Rose sighed.
Despite what Rose had just told him, Albus wanted to sit with her. Surely only she would understand him and his odd name. She even seemed to sympathize with Scorpios. Come to think of it, he felt a bit bad for Lily and James as well, but they didn't have it half as bad as he did. "Can I sit with you?" he murmured.
Rose snorted. "Psh, no," she said with a laugh. "I'm not going to be seen sitting with Albus Severus Potter!" And with that, she slid the door shut with a slam in his face.
Dejected, Albus headed down the hall, peaking into one compartment and then into another. He heard a few kids' voices in the compartments gossiping about him and Scorpios. "Poor kids," he heard an older girl say. "They're going to have it rough."
Finally, Albus came to a compartment where he knew it would be safe. Scorpios Malfoy was sitting in it, balanced precariously on the left portion of his bottom and rubbing the other half. He stopped doing so and turned bright red when Albus entered. "Hey, can I sit with you?" Albus asked.
Scorpios gave him a once over. Would this boy scorn him for his name as well? But no, Scorpios just shrugged. "Who gives a damn if you're a blood traitor? At least you can't have the nerve to make fun of me for my stupid name."
Albus smiled and plopped down opposite of Scorpios. The two boys didn't talk, but sat in silence, mulling things over in their heads. Albus did a lot of thinking on his first train ride to Hogwarts. He did a lot of thinking on the boat ride, too, with Scorpios at his side.
When the Sorting Ceremony began and Albus saw that Tom from the train, whose last name was Adams, was sorted into Gryffindor, he reached his decision.
Right after Scorpios was sorted into Slytherin, Albus was called up to the front of the Great Hall. He strode towards the Sorting Hat, a newfound confidence about him. Yet still, the walk was long and he heard everyone laugh, surprised at the name McGonagall had shouted out. "That's even worse than Scorpios!" he heard a boy shout. He didn't care if the hat put him into Slytherin now. Maybe his parents, horrible at naming their children as they were, would disown him then, despite his father's reassurances. Maybe he could even move in with the Malfoys. The Slytherin table seemed to be accepting Scorpios, and from what he'd heard, the Malfoys named all of their kids crazy things—not just their middle children. He felt more contempt for his parents now than he ever had before in his entire life.
At the front of the Great Hall, Albus took his designated seat. The hat was placed on his head. It wasn't at all like what his father, the bastard, had described. The hat didn't ask Albus anything about what house he preferred. Instead, it yelled out one word: "SLTYERHIN!"
If you or your kids are named after a married couple, don't take offense. I just had this image in my mind of a pregnant Hermione (about to have Rose) discussing what it was like to have a baby with Ginny and also discussing names. I pictured Ginny, also pregnant (with Albus) saying, "If we have another boy he'll be Albus Severus and if we have a girl it will be Lily." Then I pictured Hermione, aghast, going home and Ron saying, "Okay, Albus Severus is terrible, but they're just asking for something with that Lily and James thing." Anyway, that was fun to write and a lot different for me. Not my best word, I know…but please, read and review!