Author's Notes: Is your life lacking random yet dry Transformers humor? Are you a fan of ambiguity? Do you have a penchant for randomness? If so then enjoy.
Megatron swooped through the halls of the Decepticon compound looking for one of his underlings to torment. Surprisingly the mammoth compound was almost completely empty. Megatron lifted the armor plate on his left arm and glanced at the digital display. 12:26 P.M. He smiled in anticipation. Almost time.
Rumble nervously peered out from his hiding place. He risked checking the time; 12:27. During this time of day the compound was dead. It was every Decepticon for himself. A bot did everything he could to be gone during this time, traded patrol shifts, scheduled repairs anything. How he cursed himself for being separated from Soundwave. Unspoken cassette rule number seventeen: Never EVER be so far away from Soundwave that he cannot come physically save you in a predicament. As fate would have it the espionage master had been sent on a mission while he, Ramjet, and Dirge were engrossed in a high stakes game of the Cybertronian equivalent to hopscotch. As the game drew to a close Rumble was stranded.
He heard the metalic clank of footsteps progress down the corridor. He scrambled to find a better hiding spot but only succeeded in toppling box after box of failed doomsday devices and junk. As Rumble watched in terror as the compartments tumbled down in a domino effect he failed to notice the insatiable Decepticon leader looming ominously above him.
"Rumble" The Decepticon leader spoke in the most sinister and raspy voice conceivable. "You know…you haven't paid your leader tribute in a great deal of time." Rumble's optics darted around frantically trying to conceive a way out of this position. "I believe you're due. It is after all one of your duties as a Decepticon soldier."
"Rumble" Rumble nervously chuckled. "You mean Frenzy." Knowing that Megatron couldn't tell one cassette from the other. "And I just paid tribute Monday Megatron." Under most circumstances Rumble would jump at the chance to prove himself. Being expected to prove his loyalty in that kind humiliating way; he had to draw the line somewhere.
"Really you insolent piece of scrap?" Megatron replied lunging at the cassette and maneuvering him into a chokehold. "Because I specifically stated that Frenzy accompany Soundwave on his mission. Are you implying that Soundwave purposely disobeyed me?"
"Um…. No" Rumble replied nervously. The last thing Rumble wanted was trouble for his advocate. The choking cassette sputtered and pried at the strong fingers around his neck to no avail. He rolled his optics and prepared for the inevitable. The chokehold monologue, a tedious affair in which Megatron would drone on and on about making an example of a certain Decepticon while said 'Con groped and struggled.
"Listen carefully scrap heap, for I am going to make an example of you. For far too long I've let you, all of you skip what is a vital task. As your punishment you shall pay tribute to me every day…for the next Earth month." Rumble shuddered. His punishment could have been worse. But such a decadent indulgence in such a guilty pleasure would certainly rob him of his dignity.
"Ca-lunk, Ca-lunk" The sound of Megatron's footsteps was a constant reminder of his humiliating position; tossed over Megatron's shoulder, helpless, and held firm. Although he was relieved to be out his leader's death grip he was horrified at his new assignment.
It had been awhile since he'd paid his leader tribute. He'd almost forgotten why all the 'cons loathed it so. First of all it was something a leader, at least a leader who wanted respect shouldn't be so open about. Hell a leader shouldn't indulge so blatantly in the first place. The experience might have been enjoyable if Megatron didn't make so much damned noise. He couldn't keep his mouth shut for one Earth second. He'd growl in haste if things dragged on. He'd laugh gratingly at the stupidest things. And nothing was safe from his cutthroat continual commentary. But on the rare occasion when things went well really, really, exceptionally well Megatron might even CRY! That was truly a sight to behold. Not foolish blubbering tears like Starscream had been rumored to produce on such an occasion but a few, yet visible energon tears. Incidents like those were rare and Megatron usually written them off as "Dust irritating the optics."
Megatron reached the entrance to his quarters and entered the security code to gain access. Upon entering the room he practically threw Rumble onto the floor. Rumble groaned. Even after such dramatics Starscream was considered the Prima Donna.
The cassette got up from the floor and heaved himself onto the giant recharging palette that adorned the room and tried to make himself comfortable. "Energon?" Megatron inquired. Rumble nodded no. "Enough with the formalities." Rumble thought to himself. Megatron then walked to the far side of his room and turned on the giant monitor anchored there. He flipped through a few signals of static before he found the station he wanted. Then he advanced towards the palette and sat next to Rumble.
"Your insubordination made me miss some" Megatron growled.
"What the opening credits?" Rumble replied sarcastically. "Mind filling me in on what's happened? It's been awhile." Although the cassette acted like he could care less the cassette had a love/hate emotion toward the intricate little daytime dramas.
"Well Taylor's with Nick now, big shocker and Brooke is unpleased. Taylor is pregnant but she was accidentally inseminated with Brooke's zygotes…maybe." Rumble let curiosity get the better of him as he inquired, "So Nick's out of jail?"
"Yea Ridge confessed to the murder." The leader replied. Rumble watched the makings of a catfight unfold on the screen until it cut away to one of the confused old whores in a therapy session. That was Rumble's problem with these shows nothing interesting ever happened over the course of one episode. Most of it was filler and the important dramatic parts would only be rendered false by some b.s. plot hole a few episodes later.
Rumble let out an exasperated sigh that he'd been holding in since Megatron cornered him. No one really knew why Megatron was delighted so much by these little dramas especially "Bold and the Beautiful." It had the oldest most decrepit actors on television playing troubled rich Caucasians with disgustingly high sex drives. Besides, Soundwave and his fellow cassettes were more "All My Children" 'Cons themselves. All the cassette could do was helplessly watch the horrible trash attacking his optics and hope Megatron wasn't in the mood for " The Young and the Restless".