Epilogue? What Epilogue?
Since I've been inundated with requests for a sequel or to continue this tale, I decided to meet them halfway. You can assume that this is what occurred after the story ended.
ETA 8-6-07: Please keep in mind that I do not and will not have any serious plans to continue this story. This little bit of silliness is intended to use some of the rather ridiculous (and amusing!) suggestions that some of my reviewers were giving me and also as a not-so-subtle dig at Rowling's choice to end her 7-book saga with an epilogue that read like a bad bit of fanfiction. Apologies to those who expected a serious continuation of the story, but a one-shot it will always remain.
Needless to say, not a word of what follows should be taken seriously.
Hermione conjured the mattress as Severus requested. Both of them looked at it and then back at each other. Five minutes later, they were making mad, passionate love… of course, only after Hermione had Petrified Snape's head and neck to keep him from hurting himself.
An hour later, resurrected-Harry and Ron wondered where she was, but right as the fighting began again, Hermione burst into the Great Hall without a bra and with her robe half-buttoned. As all the Death Eaters were men, they were immediately distracted and easily dispatched by the female population at Hogwarts.
Bellatrix, who glared at Voldie to see if he was looking, slipped in a puddle of drool and cracked her head open.
Ron, in an attempt to stop people from looking at Hermione, killed Voldemort, but nobody noticed.
Draco, mesmerized by the red-haired wonder's beauty, spirited Ron away, and the last anybody heard of them was that they were selling cabanas in the Caribbean.
Hermione and Severus got married after his name was cleared, but the backlash was not as bad as they feared. For one thing, Severus was hardly recognizable when they were out in public as his mouth seemed to be permanently frozen in a silly grin.
All was well.
The End. Really.