THE FREEZING HEART OF CONQUEST

An Excel Saga Fan fiction

I don't own Excel Saga. Nor do i own Sony or its products. Or Waterworld. Or Morgan Freeman. Or an Xbox 360.

Stuff Happens

The President of the United States of America declared war on pretzels. He was tired of fighting the war on intangible 'terrorism' and wanted to fight something he could see. The mysteries of the twistiness and saltiness of pretzels had long confused him and he feared confusion. Therefore, he hated pretzels. And thus did the Great Pretzel Prohibition begin in America.

"Haaiill Illpallaaaaazzzzooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhh" Excel Excel and Hyatt screamed in unison.

"Good morning. Nice to see that you are cheerful." Ilpalazzo said. "What seems to be the problem, Excel."

Excel was glancing around the cavernous room. "Has something changed in this room...it seems smaller than normal. Perhaps Excel is seeing things."

"No, you are correct. The room is smaller because my new 2000 inch High Definition Plasma TV with DVD player and Playstation 3 is occupying most of the previously unused space."

"Looks expensive..." Excel was examining the shiny surface.

"It was very expensive. Please step away." A Doberman leaped from around the TV and chased Excel to her place before her Lord.

"We did not know you possessed that amount of wealth." Hyatt said softly.

"Yeah, we could have had food." Excel said, stomach grumbling.

"Since you have emergency food stores, I did not think food necessary to purchase. Let's move on. Today we will look to the future, a future when ACROSS has conquered Japan and moves to other countries. This country is called Antarctica. You will go there and gather information on this country for our eventual take-over." He raised a remote, pressing a button. A metal cylinder rolled to Excel. "Here. There is enough air for two hours. I suggest you swim fast." He pressed another button and Excel fell into the giant gaping maw of the floor.

END. For now.