I entered my bedroom
and threw myself on my bed. It had been a long day. After school,
Edward picked me up and took me to his house so that I could hang out
with the Cullen's. Rosalie and Emmett just got home from their
honeymoon in Africa and Emmett had told Edward that he wanted to see
me. So after school, Edward drove me to his house where his entire
family was waiting.
Upon seeing me, Emmett grabbed me and pulled me into one of his great big bear hugs. After reminding him that I had to breath he placed me back on my feet and messed my hair a little.
After we all talked for a while in the living room, Emmett and Rose telling us stories of their trip to Africa and us telling them of the dullness of Forks, as though they didn't already now.
After all the talking Edward and I went upstairs to his room to listen to some music. As usual our music time turned into make out time and it was getting really hot and heavy. Edward was letting his hands wander across my back and stomach, I however kept my hands firmly on his head, not letting my hands wander. I was scared that if they did, he might realize that we were breaking some of his well placed boundaries and stop.
It was becoming so much. I was pressed against his cold body holding his head tightly to me as he kissed me down my neck, right to the top of my breast. My breathing becoming erratic and I could tell that he was panting too, though he didn't need to breath.
Suddenly he pulled away and within a flash was across the room, back pressed against the wall, eyes wide. I knew what happened. It happened every time he let himself go with me. He was scared. He was scared he'd kill me, that he'd hurt me, that he wouldn't be able to stop himself from doing any of those things.
I sat up on the leather couch in his room and ran my hands through my clothes and hair, trying to make myself look presentable.
Edward just stood like that, frozen against the wall. Frozen in fear.
I didn't bother to look up at him, I knew what I'd see in his eyes. So I didn't even bother.
Finally Edward came by and sat down next to me on the couch. "I'm sorry Bella…" He started.
I stopped him with a finger to the lips. "It's fine Edward. I understand." And I did. I did understand his reasons for these boundaries. Just cause I didn't like them didn't mean I didn't understand why they existed.
He only nodded, but didn't come closer to me.
He looked…strange. Like something was wrong. "Edward, what's wrong?" I asked attempting to take his hand in mine, but when I reached for his, he pulled away. I looked at him with raised eyebrows.
"You're…you're more tempting right now than you ever have been before." He said standing up again and moving to look out the large window wall of his room.
"What do you mean?" What in the hell was he talking about?
"When you're...aroused, you're blood smells sweeter, if that was at all possible." He mumbled the last part under his breath, but loud enough for me to hear.
"I'm sorry Edward. I didn't know." I struggled to get the words out. This must be killing him, my blood was already tempting to him, it must be hell now. "Do you want me to go?" I asked, afraid he'd say yes.
"No, I just…maybe we should go see what the others are doing." He suggested.
I nodded, that's all I could do. I felt horrible. I felt cold, and alone and wrong for even feeling this way. Shaking my head to clear my thoughts I stood up and walked out of the room heading to Alice's room.
As I was walking towards Alice and Jaspers room, Alice came out and slammed the door behind her, calling for Emmett, Carlisle and Edward.
She grabbed my hand and headed down the stairs, dragging me as she flew to the living room.
Once down there she threw me into Carlisle's arms. "Here take her." She said to him forcefully.
I slammed into Carlisle's arms but he kept me from falling.
"What in the…" He started but stopped and looked down at me and Edward. "I see."
Edward didn't even look at me, he just bowed his head as though embarrassed by something.
Emmett's booming laugh shook me from the confusion of the situation. "This is perfect." He said laughing so hard the whole house seemed to shake.
"Emmett stop teasing your brother." Esme's voice softly chastised her "son".
"What's going on?" I finally asked looking over at everyone. My eyes settling on Carlisle when no one looked to be willing to offer me an explanation.
It was Emmett who finally answered my question with a laugh. "It's just the smell of your blood. It's so sweet. Clearly you and Edward we're having fun up there." He said with a laugh.
My face blushed a crimson color, which only made Emmett laugh harder.
"I'm sorry?" I said to them.
"Don't worry about it honey. It's not your fault. It's natural." Esme said in her motherly tone.
"No it's not your fault." Alice said glaring at Edward. "Emmett can you help me with Jasper?" She asked him. I suddenly realized why she'd closed the door to her room and dragged me down stairs. Jasper was still too new to this kind of lifestyle and my blood was already tempting to him, I most be driving him crazy.
"Don't worry about it. I'll leave." I said as walked away and out of the house. I wasn't even half way down the stairs to the porch when Esme grabbed my arm.
"I'll take you home honey. Don't worry about any of this. It's not your fault."
"It's not Edwards either." I told her quietly, but I knew her vampire hearing would hear me.
"No it's not." She agreed shaking her head. "Alice knows that. She's just frustrated. It's hard for her to try and keep her thirst under control too, but since she loves you like you're already her sister she controls herself. It's still hard though and to have to try and keep Jasper under control too, it just makes things that much harder. Especially afterwards when Jasper gets depressed." She looked over at me as we each climbed into Edwards Volvo. "He loves you too. That's why it tares him up so much."
"He does love you though. He considers you a part of the family too and that's why it tares him up to be…to lose control and put you in danger." She told me softly as she pulled out of the Cullen driveway and headed to my home.
I nodded my understanding. "I love him too. All of you. You are like the family I didn't get to have. The parents that loved each other, the brothers and sisters."
"Well don't you worry about that honey, cause you have that now. We all love you so very much. You are like another daughter to me. I know Carlisle sees you the same." She told me with a smile.
I loved being around Esme. She always treated me like I was one of her own. She was like a real mom. Don't get me wrong I loved Renee. She was more than just my mother. She was my best friend too, but growing up with Renee made me feel more like the mother than the child. With Esme it felt as though I was the child, which of course I was, even though she wasn't really my mom.
We pulled up to Charlie's house and I looked out the window at the small house. "Thank you Esme." I told her, surprising her and myself, I leaned over and gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek.
"Not a problem my child. And don't worry about Edward or Jasper. They'll be fine." She said in the motherly tone of hers that I loved. "I will see you later this week right?" She asked me as though worried I wouldn't be coming around after tonight.
"Even if I have to drive myself." I told her with a smile. "Good night Esme." I said as I slowly climbed out of the Volvo and headed inside.
"Bella?" Charlie called as I entered the house.
"Yeah dad it's me." I called back as I headed to the living room where Charlie was watching a baseball game.
"Have fun over at the Cullen's?" He asked me not even looking away from the television.
"Yeah dad I did. Mrs. Cullen made a great dinner and Alice and Edward did out homework." I told him, completely lying through my teeth. I was becoming better at lying at Charlie and though I felt bad about it, I knew it was necessary.
"I'm going to take a shower and then go to sleep. I'm really tired." That wasn't a lie. I was tired. This evening wore me out. "Good night dad." I said before heading up the stairs to my room.
"Night Bells." I heard him call, clearly still distracted by the game.
After trying to relax myself under the cold spray of the shower I finally gave up. I was so frustrated. In seventeen years of life I'd never felt this before. Sure I'd read about it and sure enough Renee had sat me down one too many times to talk about my body and what I'd feel at different times but this was all so new to me. I'd never felt this…this utter need in my body. I felt it in the pit of my stomach and it traveled, more like burned, it's way down to the spot where my legs met. That certain area seemed to be throbbing with a need I'd never felt before and I didn't know what to do about it. It's not like I could talk to Charlie about this, not that I would have talked to Renee either if I was still living with her, and Edward, well Edward was way out of the question. I didn't need to tell him how I was feeling to add to his own frustrations. Plus I new he'd only look at this as another reason why we shouldn't be together.
Sighing I got dressed and threw on a pair of shorts and a tee shirt. I tied my wet hair up in a messy bun and headed back to my room.
Though after tonight I didn't expect to see him sitting on my bed, I still felt a deep sadness when I entered my room and realized I was the only one there. I threw my bag of toiletries on the desk and climbed into bed. I'd worry about my homework tomorrow, right now I just wanted to go to sleep and hopefully the heat between my legs would be gone by morning.
Edward and I were locked in a heated embrace. His lips, cold as ice left a trail of heat down my face and neck. He slowly moved his cool hands along my back, under my shirt, as he kissed me right above the small amount of cleavage I had. His body pressed against mine and I could feel this own arousal through his pants, pressing against my leg. My breath hitched in my throat as his hands, moving painfully slow, made their way from my back to my stomach. Caressing my flat tummy and running his fingers along the underside of my breast, never actually touching them.
I arched my back more into his touch hoping he'd get the hint and finally touch my aching nipples.
Leaning down he nibbled on my earlobes one at a time. His cool breath making my heart pound harder in my chest. His cold tongue ran along my collarbone and I couldn't help the moistness that was beginning to pool in between my legs.
"Edward…please…please Edward. I need you." I panted as he moved down and began to kiss my stomach. His cool mouth making me shiver in excitement and anticipation. "Edward please, that feels…please Edward." I moaned again.
I could feel Edward smile against my flat tummy and it only made me mad. "Edward." I practically growled in my own human way.
He only chuckled as his hand climbed up my thigh, his other hand touching me lightly across my chest, never touching my breast.
I felt his fingers finally graze over my moist sex and I couldn't help the whimper of pleasure I let out.
"Is this what you want?" Edwards velvety voice asked me as he rubbed his cold nose against my stomach.
"Yes Edward…right there. Please." I whispered, unable to gather up enough air to speak louder.
His fingers reached under my shorts and played with my now throbbing sex.
"Please…oh god yes…right there. Right there Edward." I panted as I ran my fingers through his hair.
With an explosion I seemed to calm. I felt as though I was floating. Peaceful. My breath was still coming out in short pants.
Edward was looking at me with one of his gloriously sexy half smirks. "I love you Bella."
"I love you Edward."
Then suddenly Edward was gone.
I opened my eyes. Only a dream, but damn what a dream. I was still panting when I realized that I wasn't the only one in my room. I looked over at my bedroom door, praying that Charlie wasn't there at my door. Nope, no Charlie. I sighed and laid back down in my bed.
"Well that…was new." Edwards voice sounded frustrated.
I slowly moved my head towards the direction his voice was coming from. There he was my own Greek God standing there against the window pane. "Edward." I whispered. Then I realized what he was talking about and I could swear that my head was redder than a tomato. "Oh my god." I whispered quickly looking away embarrassed by what he so obviously witnessed. I threw the blanket over my head and began hyperventilating.
Edward was at my side in an instant. "Bella? Are you okay? Bella I need you to calm down and breath." His voice said to me as he tried to pry my hands from the blanket that was covering my head.
He pulled the blanket down and gave me a worried expression.
I closed my eyes tightly. I couldn't look at him. Not after that. "Edward…" I called.
"Yes my love."
"I need you to NOT be here right now." I told him, trying to calm myself. If I were breathing erratically he'd never leave my side.
"What? Why?" He asked, I could hear the confusion in his voice.
"I just… I can't see you right now. I'm too embarrassed right now." I confessed.
"Bella honey, there is no need to be embarrassed. It's natural." He tried to reason with me. Coax my eyes open.
I opened one eye and glared at him. "Edward…how would you feel if I'd caught you…pleasing yourself?" I tried to say it without blushing but damn all that blood in my body, cause it just rushed right to my cheeks.
If he could I'm sure Edward would have blushed, he actually looked embarrassed. "I guess I understand." He said getting up from my bed. He walked over to the window but before leaving he turned around and faced me. My eyes were open and I was staring at him. "Just so you know. I did the same thing once Esme left with you this afternoon." And with that he was gone, my eyes now wide in shock. Did Edward just admit that he too had pleased himself?
Sighing I threw my head on the pillow and pulled my blanket up to my face. Tomorrow was going to be awkward.