Al Niente

To nothing

L had managed to stop the boys from mutiny. They had been more than a little upset when they heard that Light was to be L's new partner. Of course Mello had been the most worked up about it. That was to be expected. But when Near pulled out several chunks of hair, L knew he was in trouble.

"This is all conditional of course. This isn't a matter of chain of command. You three are still in the running for the title. And if by some freak accident, I die and he is left alive, which I assure you, will be very unlikely, those whom I have chosen will take the title of L and he will be there to serve that title." This was all rather awkward.

How did L explain these emotions to these kids? He was fairly certain that if he were to admit he was in love… L shivered, that he would somehow appear weak in their eyes. Mello was already on the brink of running away, again. He was sorely tempted to remain at sea, so that the youth would not have the opportunity.

"So, he is like Watari?" Near asked plainly, eyes piercing into L. Near would be the first to figure it out he decided. But that was…could be fine? Perhaps if they knew the actual scenario then they would see that it is acceptable to have feelings. As long as one can rein them in.

It would be a lot for Near to take in, and even though Mello was full to the brim with emotion, he wouldn't understand because he had never loved. L sighed.

"Something to that effect."

"L, are you gay?" Matt asked behind his game boy advanced.

All right, L had not seen that coming, and from Matt no less. L threw up his hands and then realizing his actions, quickly forced them to hang still at his sides.


"Then are you bi? Mello asked, apprehension dawning.

"It's is none of your business. Just know that Light does not stand in your way of becoming L. I should just give up the title and let you little shits decide for yourself who gets Watari's money, that's what this is all about isn't it?" L's face had reddened, and Mello and Near had the good sense to look ashamed.

"Look L, It's ok if you love him, but you should just come out and say it. These two

Idiots will just be dancing around the subject for days, and I'll never hear the end of it.

It's not a bad thing to find love, right? And these two need to learn that more than

Anyone else. Alls I'm sayin is that you don't appear weaker in my eyes because you found someone you care about." Two sets of owl like eyes fixed on Matt, Mello just blushed.

"Thank you for your insight, Matt." L said rather clipped. He began to walk away from them but heard Mello speaking behind him.

"What are you talking about you dork?"

"Look, it's not my fault that some people can't be comfortable with their sexuality. SHIT! FUCK! SHIT!" L hurriedly continued towards the upper decks.

Wedy was currently jet setting around the world on L's ticket. L grumbled.

Fitz was immediately shipped back to India after what happened with 089. He was developing a state of the art translation service for some of the biggest companies in the world.

Fitz made a lot of money that way so in turn, L made a lot of money. And once rumors started spreading about the military compound being breached, L knew those rumors would come back to Fitz.

So L sent Aiber with him for protection. He was fairly certain those in the American government who had the means to sequester Fitz where laying low. But that didn't mean there weren't other countries foolish enough to attempt such a thing.

L wandered up to the top most part of the deck. He climbed into the Dingy and crouched there taking a chunky cell phone out of his pocket.

Watari was currently back in Mexico. Following a lead on the mysterious disappearance of Dr. Miller and a piece of the Death Note. L picked up the satellite phone and called Watari for the fifteenth time that day.

It was nighttime there now… Watari would be done for the day. L turned on the satellite scrambler and waited for Watari to pick up.

"Hello L."

"Watari, how did everything go?"

"The Medical police have a bulletin out for him, but they can't make this their first priority."


"Still I think he's left the country again."

"Why do you say that?"

"A hunch." Watari's hunches usually were impeccable.

"Then we will let the trail grow cold, we've placed him in the system, he will show up eventually. He isn't trained to keep himself hidden. Now I need you to fly to Bath. If you could have all the equiptment set up by the time we get there, it would be a load off my mind."

"Yes of course L. How is everything? I must say that since you have met up with the young Mr. Light, that things have been anything but boring. Am I right?" L could hear a smile in Watari's voice.

"You could say that. It's only more work for me. But I do believe we managed to escape death again."

"As long as you're not too trusting."

"Never." L smiled impishly.

"Everything will be ready and waiting L. I will see you in Blighty."

"Good bye Watari." L took a great sigh of relief. It was true that L's rise to power had been done with the aid of Watari's money, but now he had more than enough to pay Watari back and sustain his business.

Perhaps he should give Watari a vacation when they arrived in Bath. Yes… He would do that.

He reminded himself that he would have to give Pen one too, as soon as she wasn't needed.

Speak of the devil the doctor showed up on the top deck and walked towards the slouching detective.

"L, the results are back. I gave them to Light; I didn't look yet, so he may need you. I've given him a new anti seizure medication…he may get emotional from it."

"You gave the results to Light and left him alone?" Pen looked sternly at L.

"He doesn't want me there L. He wants you there. Even if he won't admit it. You know when you are around him that is the only time he takes his mind off of the past."

"I just needed some time alone right now, the brats have just figured out something that I hadn't planned on telling anyone."

"That you love him?"

"Why me?" L asked staring up at the wispy clouds that lazily slid past

"You're not being transparent really. Except that you care about him. And that really is unprecedented. It's not weakness L. and you need to convince Light of that also."

"But it is Pen." L said drolly, " I've seen the results of what a relationship can do to high profile people. Hell it's in every comic book, and every b-rated movie. When you are in love, people find out and exploit it. And in my line of work? Light has a giant bull's-eye on his back…"

"L if there is anyone to break out of that mold, and keep that from happening it's you. And like it or not, he needs you. If he didn't have you, he would have wasted away… probably months ago. We've gone over this before. You need a companion as well. Light is perfect. He's got baggage, but that only draws you to him, He's like a puzzle for you." She put her hands in the sweater pockets of her jacket.

"And, you can't just toss him away. I think he still needs to learn what real justice is. Present him with a bad case when he is ready. Something infuriating. And see how he will react. And… there is bound to be relapses."

"Of what."

"Of his god complex… maybe even of his multiple personalities. It's not unheard of, and I don't have enough knowledge about the Death Note to tell if whether or not the burning of that book is definite."

"I kept part of the cover." L admitted. Pen looked at him and gave a deep sigh.

"I can't expect you to close off all of your options, but I can tell you that he may never be ready for those memories…"

"I know… but I can't just throw it away. There are a lot of memories tied up in it. And who knows, it may be relevant later." Pen nodded.

"I understand that but you have to let it go. I think it's time you forgive him, and stop punishing him." L hung his head low. Those words hurt to hear because they meant that yes; he had done all that had been done to Light, in order to punish him.

"Agreed. I've already sent Wedy to Switzerland to put it in a self-storage account. It will remain there unless something unforeseen happens." L said his thumb firmly between his lips.

"Good, now go talk to Light. As you may well know what those test results could be."

"Yes." L stood and jumped over the side of the dingy, his bare feet slapping against the deck.

Light was sitting on the bed, staring at the manila envelope on the mattress. Inside were the results of his blood culture… They had just arrived when the Lorgnette made port in Auckland New Zealand. Not even Pen had had the chance to see them.

He didn't need any damn blood test to tell him he was dirty. He knew it already; it was just a matter of how his filth would kill him.

He quickly grabbed the envelope and tore it open, pulling out its contents with shaking hands.

Syphilis: Negative

Chlamydia: Negative

Gonorrhea: Negative

HIV: Negative

Light took a deep shuddering breath and stared at the wall thinking of what was, and what could have been.

L entered then, to see Light staring blankly at nothing. Morose looking, on the bed. The manila envelope he knew to hold Lights test results, open and the sheets strewn out over the mattress. His heart plummeted.

He swiftly walked over to the sheets and scooped them up, after assessing the damage he looked up in confusion. Light's eyes tore away from the wall and as soon as they met L's he broke down. Tears upon tears were falling and he was now desperately trying to stop them. Wiping them away to only have more form in an instant. And even trying to smile an awkward dignified smile.

"I'm stupid, I don't know why I'm crying. God damnit." L's eyes were shadowed by his bangs; he sat gently next to Light. He then wrapped his arms around Light and pulled the youth down so that his back was resting against L's criss crossed legs and staring up at the detective who was grinning from ear to ear.

"L, what are you smiling about?" Light bit out angrily. Was the detective making fun of his weakness? But L just shook his head.

"I'm smiling because, you're crying which is good because you aren't holding your emotions inside anymore. I'm smiling because you started crying when you saw me, indicating I hold your trust. And I'm smiling because you don't have an STD." Light scoffed and tried to sit up but L's firm grip on his shoulder prevented him from doing so.

Only a faint shiver entered him from the show of force. And he smiled weakly again as some tears still fell. L began petting the youth's head, which irked the teen. One eye narrowed at L and the detective laughed.

"Can I get up now?"

"No, I don't think so."


"Lets stay like this a little while hmm? It's not hurting anyone, is it?" and Light's eyes went wide. He stared up at the smiling detective.

"L, I'm dirty." He confessed. L's eyes instantly narrowed dangerously.

"You are the cleanest person I know, besides Watari."

"L, why? Why me, I'm no one, I can't hold the same fascination I did over you when I was Kira." Light swallowed. "I lost, I'm broken, and I'm dirty. That's not very interesting."

"I don't know about that… regardless, you've awoken in me something that had not prior existed. Now you must deal with the consequences." L said, smiling impishly down at the youth.

"L, your crazy."

"So I've been told"

"Your crazy and foolish."

"Yes that too." Light was beginning to get genuinely angry at the detective's flippancy.

"And your stupid," L thought for a moment, cocking his head.

"No I don't believe I've been called that, maybe by you but..." Light struggled again to sit up, huffing angrily at the detective, even though he wasn't entirely sure why.

L just pushed him back down and leant over him, planting a playful kiss on Light's lips. When he sat back up he saw that Light's eyes were wide.

Something clicked in the youth's brain. Something profound. An epiphany.

He tried to sit up again, and finally the detective let him. He knelt across from L, bringing his hands up to inspect them, to perhaps make sure they were not covered in filth. Satisfied, he leapt onto L and started kissing the detective in earnest.

Like a mock battle, their tongues warred playfully, Light nipping on L's lip when the detective was gaining ground. L's slumped form was pushed back onto the pillows and his arms were filled with the warm youth as they tested the water's of heavy petting.

Light's appetite increased when L found Light's nipples through the thin fabric of Light's long sleeved t-shirt.

He wanted to inflict that pleasure also on the detective and he lifted L's shirt to his chin. He thought of even sweater revenge as he leant down and laved L's nipple.

L tasted of nothing, the youth thought for sure he would taste sweet but it wasn't a flavor, it was a texture that was rich and intoxicating on his tongue. A massage for his taste buds, smooth and warm. He continued to gently suck and lick at L's two nipples, the detective blushed and reached down to pinch at Light's own, causing the youth to break away from L's chest in a breathy pant.

He recouped and pulled himself up further, taking the long sleeved T-shirt around L's waist and pulling it up over the detective's head, his hair looked the same when the shirt left him, and Light smiled.

They stared hungrily at each other, their lips both swollen and red from activity.

Light hadn't realized how hungry he was for the detective, and both of them where startled by Light's ferociousness. The detective a little wary that they were going too fast.

But Light would have none of it as he took off his shirt and pressed their chests together to lick and suck at those kiss-swollen lips.

Light seemed to realize then that L had something he wanted and he held the detective desperately close to him. Clinging to L's chest like it was his only warmth in a blizzard. That action caused hips to mesh and both of them moaned startled at the enticing sensation.

But L looked worried then.

"This is too soon Light."

"No it's not." He said again gyrating his hips against L's. "I assure you it's not." Light sat up, straddling L's hips, a determined look on Light's face as he undid the button on L's jeans, he quickly rid the detective of his pants and boxer's in one sweeping motion and then did the same for himself.

He returned to his straddling position and planted his cool hands on L's chest and lowered him self to mold around his hands and L's chest. He laid his head on L's shoulder. L was still a little reluctant, but the tiny movements around his now fully engorged member choked his mind and his throat, so that only incoherent moans of approval could be heard.

They lay like that a while, Light seeming to soak up the warmth like a cat in the windowsill.

L's hands were stroking the boy's back when Light suddenly sat up a little. A vacant needy look in his eyes as he grasped L's erection and quickly, too quickly, sunk himself upon it. Sending L into a shudder.

But Light did not appear to be in pain, his eyes wide and hungry, and his mouth closed and thin. He was concentrating now and L was at his mercy. The youth slowly rose and fell. His head arching up to look at the white washed ceiling.

He did it again, and L lay there without motion except for his hands, which stroked the youth's back in either encouragement or sympathy.

Light rose and fell again. Grinding his teeth against a low guttural growl that boiled up in him. It escaped in a frustrated whine as he hugged L wholly, wrapping his arms around the detective and then falling to the side L in his arms until L was on top.

L understood then and began that same rhythm that Light himself had started. L nestled between Light's legs as they rode up around the detective's waist. And L licked and nipped at Light's Xyphoid Process and up his sternum as far as he could reach.

L was rapidly descending into himself, something animalistic spurring him on. He pushed into Light, watching the youth's face as he shuddered, mouth open with no sound being emitted, repeated the actions, with Light clawing at the blanket beneath them in his mad frenzy of feeling. The same jumbled thought flew threw their minds simultaneously, 'This is different' 'this has never happened before'.

L couldn't believe the sensation that coursed through him. He had never felt anything like this, it was…beatific, profound, and all consuming there weren't enough words in the dictionary to describe what he was feeling.

As he struggled up towards that point towards what seemed to be a now reachable higher plane of existence, he felts something warm and liquid cover him and Light. He looked down. Light had come, and the vision of that beautiful body beneath his threw him over the edge his hips stilling as they emptied. His mind going white with hot ecstasy. He never knew it could feel this way.

He looked to Light sweat dripping off his brow.

But Light's eyes... They were empty. Staring at an invisible point over L's shoulder. Light wasn't seeing him… he wasn't seeing anything, and immediately he shakily withdrew himself. Gathering the limp Light in his arms.

Worry creased his face. What had he done? Of course it was too soon.

L clung to the boy's chest but Light's head lay limp, still arching towards the mattress, like some broken and empty shell. His arms lay limp sprawled next to him and L wept. Falling into that abyss of depression.

L gathered the youth in his arms and went into the bathroom turning on the water before entering it again. L sat the youth down in the spray and held him as he nestled between Light's legs, this time just to be close, pressing his head into the youth's abdomen, needing Light to wake up, to scream and scratch. To do anything.

He let the water cascade down over them.

Long minutes passed, L staring wide-eyed at the wall as his ear was pressed to Light's chest, needing to hear that heart beat beneath him.

A small caress traced L's back and he flung his head up.

Light looked down at him. Smiling, until he saw that L very clearly had been crying. His brow creased until apprehension dawned. He pulled L up into his arms and they sat there holding each other.

"I'm warm L…I'm warm." L openly wept.






AN: As you can tell, I left this open for a sequel. While I know some of you may want me to proceed, some of you may not. I myself know what happens next, but I need not tell that story as I feel it might be beating a dead horse.

Still, if I receive enough convincing arguments on the subject, I may be tempted to throw all caution to the wind and go ahead and write it down.

There are a lot of people I want to thank for reviewing. On those days when I just didn't think this story was any good at all, they seemed to know, and they reviewed to fill me up with inspiration again.

They are my secondary muses, (shh don't want the primary ones to get mad.)

Nilah most importantly for writing such beautiful evil little masterpieces, and being such a good friend and support through the trials of crawling into a genius's perverted mind.

Mikanis, for allowing me to strive towards the greatness of Mikanis's standard.

Mitsu, for being there from the very beginning.

Animefanqueen, for being such a great and positive reviewer.

Serria, for reading this piece of crap, I am truly humbled.

Thenightwanderer for confirming that my ideas would at least sometimes be good ones.

I'mcannedfruit, for making me laugh at your name every time I saw I got a lovely review from you.

Subaruxkamui4ever, for making me take chances, and humbling this story with your presence.

Sister salsa, for wanting a dog named Raito as much as I do.

Greypenink, for writing Raito pregnant (never read a male preggy fic before). And making me laugh and cry every time I read anything, whether it be review or story from you.

Hittocerebattosai, for loving Raito as much as I do.

Hammerchan, for trying to yell some sense into the characters, especially when they really needed it.

Judikickshiny, for being number 100 (I really needed that review, we're talking verge of tears waiting for 100)

Lady Kadaj, for guessing the plot at every turn, forcing me to change the story line and make it WAY more exciting than it otherwise would have been (I had to keep Missa alive, I had planned on her being alive from the very beginning).

Nihon Jin Desu, for laughing with me when no one else did.

Derawer, for making me happy every time you said anything.

Bloodshot eyes, for staying up late to read this, I did this story for people like us.

Penname Kitsune chan, for sensing my dismay and immediately sending a review.

Phoenix of hell, for almost all of the above.

Sarah freak, where'd you go?

LightxL, for giving me perspective, and getting addicted to this.

Xita unlucky, for putting up with my cliffys.

creepstats, for still reading, even when it got depressing.

Nubial sheep, for wanting revenge as bad as Light and for liking it so much.

Shadow, for one of the best reviews I've gotten.

Lambetness and

Dipilidopa, for reading this despite my evil tendencies.

Samiserioslyam, I love you too!

no name (lol), for both loving and hating it, me too…me too.

Barranca, for seeing the stuff that others didn't.

Ana, for forgiving me for killing Sayu.

Trisa3d, for turning into a happy puddle of goo, seriously, people were asking what was wrong with me.

Shadowform, and

HironiKoshinha and EVERYONE ELSE WHO DID NOT LIKE KITH, for slapping me back to my senses.

Cattyfuzzy, for saying that they were in character when I'm not too sure they were.

MeEksiNs for the kindest most flattering review ever!

Every one else who reviewed, you guys are the real ones to blame for this. I wouldn't have stuck with it if it weren't for all of you.

And everyone who gave this sad little fic a chance.