Title: 'This Ain't No Thinkin' Thing'
Author: HailDorothy
Category: Humor/Angst/Romance
Warnings: Jack can't sing!
Pairing: Jack/Sam
Season: 5
Spoilers: 104 – The Broca Divide, 405 – Divide and Conquer
Rating: K+
Revised: 8-02-07
Summary: Jack thinks he's not smart enough for Carter. Only she can set him straight.
Disclaimer: What a Wonderful World © written and performed by Sam Cooke.
(This Ain't) No Thinkin' Thing © written and performed by Trace Atkins.

Umm, sorry that humming has become a running thread with these two but hey, I haven't heard anyone complain yet. If you do, please be kind?

Feedback much appreciated!


A music lover Jack listened to anything from classical and opera to pop, especially rock and roll. His latest investment had been the greatest hits of the fifties and sixties. Slipping in a CD on his morning drive to the mountain, he started singing along with Sam Cook's, What a Wonderful World.

'Don't know much about history,'


'Don't know much biology.'

"Just birds and bees,"

'Don't know much about a science book,
Don't know much about the French I took.'


'But I do know that I love you,
And I know that if you love me, too,
What a wonderful world this would be.'

"With Sam, it'd be."

'Don't know much about geography,'

"Long as there aren't lots of . . . trees,"

'Don't know much trigonometry
Don't know much about algebra,'

"Bra's yeah. Algae Nah,"

'Don't know what a slide rule is for.'

"Hockey pucks and how ta score."

'But I know that one and one is two,
And if this one could be with you,
What a wonderful world this would be.

Now, I don't claim to be an 'a' student,
But I'm tryin' to be.

For maybe by being an 'a'-student, baby,
I can win your love for me.'

'Geez, that's real-ity . . ."

Science book
French I took.

But I do know that I love you,'

"Oh, yeah, Baby, I do."

'And I know that if you loved me, too,
What a wonderful world this would be.'

"Crap! Does this song fit us or what? Like there ever was or will be an us?" Jack muttered as his academic shortcomings reared up in his face. "Maybe if I was smarter . . . Carter would take notice and I'd have a fighting chance to win her heart?"

He recalled the time he'd stolen a kiss from her in the time loop when he'd thought, what the heck, and taken the risk. Not to mention their ongoing smoldering glances, lingering touches, and hugs were always reason for Jack to celebrate.

But this was different.

This wasn't about mutual sexual attraction.

This was about smarts.

"Oh, for crying out loud, O'Neill, face it, you're denser than Daniel's rocks!"



Sam entered her lab to find a Post-it-Note taped to her CD player. 'Play me.' Recognizing the scribble of her CO, a quiver tripped through her and slammed into her heart.

Now that she thought of it, he hadn't poked his silver head into her lab all day, nor had he shown for their ritualistic midday blue Jell-O versa red Jell-O debate in the commissary. Daniel or Teal'c hadn't seen Jack either. Weird.

Finding the colonel's small token assured Sam, he might actually be catching-up on the avalanche of expenditure and equipment acquisition forms on his desk. If that were true, General Hammond would throw SG-1 a backyard barbecue for Jack's victory over his deadliest enemy of all, paperwork. It wouldn't be the first time. Sam snickered. Hope they'd have cake.

Her musings returned to the CD. Knowing O'Neill's warped humor, it was probably a Minnesota ditty about catching that, 'Big Elusive Croppy.' Similar to'Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer.'Oh well, she could use some stress relief. Hitting the play button, Sam was blown away by a love song she'd not heard in ages.

'Don't know much about history,
Don't know much biology.
Don't know much about a science book . . .'

"That ya don't," Sam chuckled, visualizing Jack during her briefings, trying to grasp her astrophysicist vocabulary and scrunching his face with his confused duh look.

Don't know much about the French I took.
But I do know that I love you,
And I know that if you love me, too,
What a wonderful world this would be.

Don't know much about geography . . .'

" . . . But he knows his trees." She giggled. Jack was far smarter than he let on. Often and when least expected, he'd insert her techno-babble during a conversation and actually make sense. The latest being quarks.

'Now I don't claim to be an 'a' student,
But I'm tryin' to be.'

Sam's lightheartedness took a swan drive.

'For maybe by being an 'a'-student, baby,
I can win your love for me . . .'

"Holy Hannah! She never imagined her intelligence to be a barrier of contention between them. Or that he felt intimidated, more importantly inadequate. Didn't the colonel know how much she respected his intellect, even when he was a sarcastic twit? That there was more to a person than whether they could do advance calculus or build a Naquadah reactor?

Jack's greatest strengths were leadership and his ability to make life and death decisions at any crucial moment. His inborn instincts were unsurpassed. He obviously hadn't a clue about what had attracted her to him. Well besides that physically, Jack O'Neill was one handsome son-of-a-gun. Um . . . he's hot! She recalled their lustful encounter in the locker room several years ago when under the persuasion of the Broca virus she'd literally attacked him. And that twice he'd returned her passionate kisses, including when he dragged her down the wall to the floor, muttering, "It's about time you saw a doctor, Doctor!"

True, she'd been under the influence, and Jack had assumed all that ignited passion was the virus. Sam knew differently. "Huh, I was being myself," she sighed. All the virus had done was let her feelings come to the surface.

"I wish . . . I could tell him." Sam forced her longings back to the other reasons she was crazy about the colonel. Not easy.

Her attraction list included: his smart-aleck charm and those bad jokes, which for whatever reason, she laughed at. And even though it often drove her crazy or into a head-to-head face off with her CO, his stubborn Irish temperament had its merits. Hot came to mind.

Second to none, he was the supportive CO and friend who for over five years always made certain she was okay especially when she wasn't. He made sure she ate, slept, and even kicked her out of her lab when necessary. He pestered her when she was busy, let her be, when she needed to be, and was always within shouting distance. Sam realized that as close as she was to Janet, Daniel and Teal'c that the often tactless, childish, ornery Jack O'Neill was her best friend.

Who else brought her cheesecake? Who sat on a stool in amused silence playing his Game Boy, while she played mad scientist at 0200 in the morning? Who had no problem saying, "C'mere," offering his shoulder and a hug when she needed one? Beneath that war-hardened soldier's exterior beat the most compassionate and patient heart she'd ever known, especially when it involved children.

Last but not least, who doggedly asked her, "Hey, wanna go fishing?" Sam almost smiled—because she so wanted to say yes. But they knew that when she went fishing one of them would be resigning from SG-1. Obeying the regs sucked.

'Now I don't claim to be an 'a' student,
But I'm tryin' to be.'

Sam was pissed. Her smarts intimidated Colonel Jonathan James O'Neill? How could he be so—duh stupid? There wasn't another man in the world she trusted more in a combat situation. No one else she'd trust her life too. No one built her confidence like he did. No other CO cared and supported his team members like Jack O'Neill. He never gave up! Never left anyone behind! He'd die for them and in fact, had done so more than once. If anyone felt intimidated, it was Sam.

As she replayed the song again, her angst intensified.

'But I know that one and one is two,
And if this one could be with you,
What a wonderful world this would be.'

Didn't Jack realize the magnetic attraction that charged between them on their first day in the briefing room, hadn't a fricking thing to do with logic or the law of physics? Love wasn't a thinking thing.

"Geez, O'Neill, even Homer Simpson knows that!"

Sam wanted to address him face-to-face, but didn't trust herself. Way too vulnerable as emotions she'd long thought packed and buried detonated within her. Fat tears stung her eyelids and warmed her cheeks. Through one simple song, Jack O'Neill had exposed his insecure heart to her. Two and half years after they'd agreed to leave it in the room, Jack O'Neill was still in love with her.

"Guess what, flyboy? The feeling's mutual!"


The next morning: 0630

Yawning, Jack opened his base locker and found an untitled CD with a note that read, 'Play me.'Trying to be as O'Neill casual as possible he hightailed to his office and nervously inserted the CD into his player. Seconds later, his fingers tapped to the Trace Adkin's song and a smile the size of Minnesota lit his face.

'I been thinkin' 'bout our love situation
All this attraction in the present tense
I've reached the only logical conclusion
Love ain't supposed to make sense
This ain't no thinkin thing, right brain, left brain
It goes a little deeper than that

It's a chemical, physical, emotional devotion
Passion that we can't hold back
There's nothin' that we need to analyze
There ain't no rhyme or reason why
'Cause this ain't, this ain't no thinkin' thing

Forget mathematical equations
Self help psychology
Gray matter don't matter much darlin'
When it's getting' down to you and me

This ain't no thinkin thing, right brain, left brain

It goes a little deeper than that
It's a chemical, physical, emotional devotion
Passion that we can't hold back
There's nothin that we need to analyze
There ain't no rhyme or reason why
'Cause this ain't, this ain't no thinkin thing

There's nothing that we need to analyze
There ain't no rhyme or reason why
'Cause this ain't, this ain't no thinkin thing
This ain't, no this ain't no thinkin thing.'

An hour later Jack entered the busy commissary with an ear-to-ear smirk he couldn't erase. Rounding the corner, he spotted the woman he loved heading for the chow line. He took a moment to appreciate the sexy swing of her slender hips and those long legs although draped in BDU slacks were the shapeliest legs he'd seen on and off world. In his eyes, Samantha Carter was poetry in motion. She was perfect. She was hot! That acknowledgment caused him to discreetly adjust himself. Was it warm in here? Jack watched Sam press a delicate fingertip to her crimson lips, deciding between the blue Jell-O and the Pumpkin Pie Alamo—for breakfast. Her brow tensed with concentration. Sam was the only person who'd eat Jell-O any hour of the day. And despite the umpteen times she lectured him about eating healthy, she loved her sweets. Take them both, he mused. She did.

Jack sauntered up behind Carter and absently loaded his tray while the love song tripped through the windmills of his mind. He dipped his head toward Sam's right ear and sang in a husky whisper, "I've been thinking 'bout our love situation . . ."

Orange juice in hand, Sam froze but not before juice left the glass, splashing her tray and hand. Gasping she turned, her fair complexion coloring with chagrin.

"Good morning, Major." Jack winked, followed by the mischievous waggle of his eyebrows, dimples slashing deep alongside his boyish smile. He knew how much his dimples disarmed her.

"Colo—nel," she managed to squeeze out. Unsteadily, settling the glass on her tray, she dragged her wet palm down her blue BDU's and skirted ahead of three airmen to get clear of him.

"Well that went well," Jack muttered, feeling like a jerk. Gee, he'd not meant to upset her. Would he ever figure out Samantha Carter? A sneer curled his lips. Sure hope not. Contemplating his next move which included an apology, Jack got his coffee then turned to find her at the checkout looking more collected.

As he hesitantly approached, he heard her sing, "Don't know much about History . . ."

Sweet! "Catchy tune huh, Carter?" he asked with his deadpan voice.

"Yes, sir." She engaged his grin. "I love Sam Cook."

"Ditto." He winked and then started humming Trace Adkins.

Sam's smile broadened. They held one another's gaze until the clerk spoke, "Err, Colonel O'Neill, Major Carter, you're holding up the line." He gestured behind them.


Exiting the cafeteria line, Sam sought to regain her composure. Wow, girl, this is not high school. You're both adults and officers! He's your CO! Does the non-fraternization rule ring any bells? And don't forget that stern reaming out from General Hammond. Oh, man! Not to mention the lecture from dad.

Oh, yeah, dad saw the sparkage the first time he met the colonel in Washington three years back. How had he addressed the matter after he'd become a Tok'ra? "I might have been dying, kid, but I know the love-struck puppy-dog look men get. Heck, whenever Jack thinks no one's watching he grows four paws and a wagging tail around you. The man's crazy for you, Sam, and not in a brotherly way. And you better not tell your old man that you don't feel the same about him, because I know when you're lying, kiddo."

So Sam had done the only thing she could. She lied.

Jack walked up alongside her with his food tray. She drew a disciplined breath, met his sexy sneer and lost it. Heat stained her cheeks and ears like an infatuated schoolgirl. Dad had been right. She was crazy for the brown-eyed boy! They walked side-by-side to their table, unaware of the attention from other base personnel. A moment later, they joined Daniel and Teal'c and then sat across from each other. Sam was quite aware of Jack's right boot toying with her left ankle—purposely. Holy Hannah, she could explode any moment! But when she engaged his cryptic smile she didn't give a rat's butt. Jack still loved her and nothing in this messed up universe mattered!

Jack felt light headed and dizzy. Carter's fault. Dang, she was playing footsy. He played back and heard her inhale. Shit! He could blow any moment here! But when he engaged her cryptic smile he didn't give a rat's ass. Sam still loved him and nothing in this crap-filled universe mattered!


"Mornin', Sam." Daniel greeted between mouthfuls of pecan waffle while she sipped coffee.

She gave an absent nod, her gaze locked on her CO.

"Umm, Earth to Jack." Daniel glanced peevishly at his friend who chewed a piece of toast, humming between bites. His best friend was not consciously in this galaxy. Way too weird. No typical morning O'Neill cynicism or pathetic jokes and, no Sam blathering about her latest doohickey experimentation.

Bored, Daniel sarcastically adlibbed after Jack failed to respond. "So, Daniel, find another fascinating, doubly dead language to bore us with?" He turned to Sam and expelled her pat response of correcting her CO, even raising his voice an octave, "Sir, doubly dead is an impossible law of physics, and it's also a double negative." After that Jack and his 2IC would ritualistically argue over a stupid remark that Jack would intentionally make in order to get her dander up.





Besides ignoring him, his best friends hummed different tunes causing mass confusion with his inner ear. Had they'd been invaded by some alien life form that communicated through humming? He should inform Hammond. Daniel made eye contact with Teal'c who rarely noticed anything when eating. The Jaffa frowned, arched a black brow and slid his chair away from Jack, but not before presenting Daniel with his Jaffa smirk.

Light bulb moment! Daniel smiled. He always knew something simmered beneath the surface with his two friends. In fact he'd encouraged them, but the stupid Air Force regs prohibited romantic fraternization. Daniel had repeatedly tried to hook them up off duty and there'd been a few slip-ups between the couple because of his meddling. Ain't love grand? But after his third attempt, Jack took Daniel aside and threatened him within an inch of his life to never again set them up on blind dates with each other. Oh, well, one couldn't blame a romantic for trying. Daniel also promised that he'd not break their confidences and if they did want to hook up off base, mum was the word.

Even better, Teal'c expressed his consent for Jack and Sam to be together romantically. Well, he never actually told Daniel or for that matter Jack or Sam, but the Jaffa had his own way of communicating how he approved of their mutual love. He once referred to how the Jaffa and To'kra warriors were encouraged to become life-mates because such intimate bonds made them better warriors. Jack made a point to explain to Teal'c that the Tau'ri didn't operate that way, and left no room for discussion.

And then the Za'tarc detector test. Daniel missed that memorable event, but then saving the president's life had held priority. However, Anise was more than glad to fill him in. It'd been rough for Sam and Jack and since then he'd watch them slowly drift apart. He hadn't seen their feelings taken out of the room for quite sometime. Now, he felt happy, amused, concerned and just plain curious as to what brought about this huge altercation. They were flirting just like they had the first four years of serving together. Cool. Then again, that meant he got ignored—like now.

"So you intend to eat all that?" Daniel waved his fork at Jack's heaped tray that included Oatmeal, pancakes, yogurt, granola, eggs, bacon, toast, cranberry juice and coffee. Not Jack's typical junk food breakfast of Froot Loops.

"Ah—huh." Jack shoved a mouthful of cereal pass his lips and crunched away. His brown eyes were lit brighter than an exploding nebula. He beamed until Sam blushed and began toying with her yogurt, spying on him from beneath the veil of her lashes.

"Okay! Odd man out, here!" Daniel dropped his fork to his plate and glared at Sam. "Wha'sup with you two?"

"Oh, the colonel and I discovered we like the same music." Sam lifted her juice glass, avoided eye contact with Daniel then started to hum again.

"Obviously not the same song or key." He wiggled a finger in his right ear as if it hurt. One's Rock the other's . . ." Well he was still working on that. "Nothing in common at all."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that." Jack dug into his syrup drenched pancakes, hummed between mouthfuls and exchanged smiles with his 2IC.

"What is this, a humming contest?" Daniel gawked from one to the other and then at Teal'c.

"Indeed, it is most annoying, Daniel Jackson." Teal'c took up his unfinished meal and moved to an empty table.

Sam giggled. "Sorry, guys." She cleared her throat and diligently went about buttering her muffin.

Jack smirked, but didn't stop torturing Daniel, who finally recognized the song. Exasperated, the linguist stood and picked up his tray to join Teal'c. Turning on his heel, he paused to scowl back at Jack. "So when did, Mr. Rock and Roll, take up Country?"

With a sigh of utter contentment Jack clasped his hands behind his head, leaned back in his chair and contemplated what a wonderful world it truly was, now.

His smiling eyes never left those of his blue-eyed 2IC as he answered his best buddy, "Since I realized this ain't no thinkin' thing."

The End

© HailDorothy 2004 revised 2007