I opened my eyes. Where the hell was I? And my head fucking hurt.
I sat up. It looked as though I was in a forest.
A very pretty forest, I might add.
I looked down at my hand, and nearly screamed. My black nail polish wasn't there. What the hell?
I had forgotten how my fingernails looked without polish on them. It was freaky.
I reached up to scratch my head (which still hurt like hell), and suddenly realized that there was more hair then there should have been.
I frantically looked over my shoulder, and nearly fainted. My hair was down to the center of my back.
"OH-MY-FUCKING-GOD!" I said to no one in particular. (Well, I was the only one there, anyway.)
I already missed my short hair. But at least my new hair was still black. But the tips weren't red. Goddamnit.
And then one horrible, horrible thought hit me: I've turned into a Mary-Sue!
This time I did scream.
But then another thought hit me: I must be in Middle Earth. Sweet! No, not sweet. I'm a freaking Mary-Sue!
I stood up. My butt hurt, too. I shuttered, and looked down at what I was wearing.
I let out a sigh of relief when I was that I was only wearing a blood red tunic and light brown traveling boots.
At least I wasn't in some elegant gown with my hair done up all fancy-like. Ugg!
I randomly decided that I had to start walking. I was about to, but I realized that I didn't know which direction to go in. Great.
And then, as in answer to my prayers, I saw smoke in the distance.
"Wow. That was lucky."
So I started walking towards the smoke. BIG MISTAKE…
About three hours later (well, it felt like three hours. I didn't have a watch.) I finally stumbled into a clearing.
Unfortunately, the clearing was filled with a camp full of Mary-Sues.
Before I had time to rush back into the shadows, I was spotted.
A slender Mary-Sue with big blonde hair glided over to me with a big cheesy smile on her face.
"Hi!" she beamed at me. Her teeth were white and perfect. Too perfect. It was scary.
"My name is Marsela! Are you new here?"
She was still beaming at me.
"Uh…Yeah…I'm new…Yeah…" I bumbled stupidly. Why couldn't I just keep my mouth closed?
"That's great!" she squealed. "A new friend!"
Everything she said was followed by an exclamation point. I could feel a bead of sweat forming on my forehead.
"Why don't you come over and sit with me!" the blonde said.
Before I could protest, she had grabbed my arm with her hand --- no, talon--- and was dragging me over to the fire.
Blondie was the Mary-Suest Mary-Sue I had ever seen.
Her hair bounced ever so slightly when she walked. Her eyes were a light blue color, and she had very long eyelashes. Like most Mary-Sues, she was wearing a nice dress. It was a rosy-pink one. And she had matching little slippers.
As I sat down on a log next to the fire, I looked at the rest of them.
They were all the same.
Red, blonde, and the occasional brown hair; nice dresses with matching slippers; light complexions; perfect teeth; bright blue eyes…
They were fucking perfect!
I had to get out of there.
Every time I moved even an inch, Blondie would grab my arm, and pull me back.
Great. I was stuck there.
So I did the only thing an emo-girl-turned-Mary-Sue could do: I zoned out.
After singing the whole "Black Parade" album under my breath, I felt a nudge in my ribs.
I turned to look at Blondie.
"Are you going to come with us?" she asked.
"Go where?" See where zoning out gets you?
"To Rivendel, of course!" she squealed. "To the Council of Elrond, silly!"
Oh, boy. If I knew one thing, it was there was no way in hell that any of these girls was ever going to be able to set foot in Rivendel.
"Are you?" Still beaming.
"Uh… Yeah, I guess," I said.
She let out an excited squeal. "Oh, goodie! This will be great, won't it!"
"Sure," I managed to choke out.
Get me the hell out of here!
I think I've set a new world record of how many times one can sing "Kill All Your Friends" to one's self. 506 times, to be exact.
That basically how the rest of the night went. I would sing MCR to myself, and the Mary-Sues would argue over the best way to get cute guys to be alone with them.
And did I listen? NO.
I can't believe that I'm actually saying this, but I actually want to go back to my normal life. Back to my dysfunctional family; my hellish school; my friends who slits their wrists.
At this thought, I looked down at mine. The deep cuts that have been there for five months were gone.
Soon Blondie was shoving an extra mat at me.
"Goodnight," she smiled sweetly.
"Night," I grunted back at her.
A few seconds after I lay down on my mat, Blondie spoke again.
"Oh, by the way, friend," she said.
Alright! Leave me alone already, bitch!
"I never asked what your name is!"
My name? My name? Okay. You've captured me, made me stare at your perfectness all night, I've had to listen to you plot about how to get Legolas to want to… well, you get it, and then you ask me my name?
"Jana," I said.
She smiled at me, and said, "Goodnight, Jana."
GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!