Love in the Eyes of the Beholder
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Sirius/Remus – slight mention of Remus/Tonks
Warnings: DH Spoilers, angst
Author Notes: This is the first step on me finally healing and coming to terms with HP after HBP.
Beta: Amber. Thank you for being awesome and betaing for me even after a year of me being M.I.A in this fandom.
The Death Eaters huddled together in groups, hidden by their dark cloaks. Together they formed a sea of black moving forward in the dark. So many had already died, lying now on the grounds, with no one that seemed to care that they were lying there dead.
In all honesty, Remus did not expect to survive this night.
He was surprised nonetheless when he saw Nymphadora appearing from a corner and approaching him with a steady walk. And even through the chaos and death he couldn't help smiling a little about the fact that someone -anyone – cared about him with such insane furor.
Some part of him wished that she'd survive, even if only to care for the child. But as he saw two forms from the black sea surge forward, he knew that would not happen. She was too distracted. He was too slow to act. The flash of green was the last thing he saw.
He heard the sounds of small animals. Birds chirping peacefully. Remus opened his eyes to find himself lying in a bed of soft grass in a clearing in the middle of a forest. It was familiar yet not. It was the Forbidden Forest, but at the same time it wasn't.
Remus wondered briefly where exactly he was and whether he had, after all, died. There was no evidence on his person about his death, but alas the killing curse bore no marks. There was also no sign of Nymphadora, who Remus could have sworn had been struck by the curse as well.
Then he heard footsteps coming from his left. Remus turned sharply towards the sound, not knowing what to expect. In a form of habit Remus searched for a wand that was not there, and he felt a little tinge of fear rise up his spine. But as quickly as it had appeared, the fear vanished when he saw the man making the footsteps. Long dark hair close to his shoulders, and more beautiful than Remus could ever remember him.
"Sirius!" he called and ran towards him, the flood of emotions rising like a wave.
Sirius grinned in return and opened his arms, welcoming.
Remus crashed into him with force. Clutching at him, holding as close as he could. Tears mounted in his eyes as he repeated Sirius's name with almost every breath.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!" Remus cried, his hands gripping tightly to Sirius's robes.
"What do you have to be sorry about?" Sirius asked as he held him.
"So many, many things," Remus almost whispered, his brain trying to decide what he was apologizing for. The thoughts mixed and jumbled inside his head until he couldn't take it anymore and everything came spilling out like madness.
"I'm sorry for not being strong enough! For getting killed! For not mourning you like I should have! I should have said no more strongly! I'm sorry I wasn't by your side in the Ministry of Magic! I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye to you! That I love you!
He was screaming. Every little word. Every little thing that he had bottled up inside for two years. He couldn't seem to stop.
Sirius held his face while he shouted, just inches from his own. The loving look in his eyes never once faltered as Remus released his heart. He moved his hand and swiftly placed a finger over Remus's lips, immediately hushing him. Remus was left red-faced in front of him, and it wasn't until Sirius was sure he had calmed that he removed the finger from Remus's lips and spoke.
"Do I really have to tell you that none of that was your fault, Moony?" he said as he lovingly stroked the side of Remus's face with his hands. "You were so strong and brave. I know because I saw. You're an idiot for believing you need to apologize because you tried to be happy and start a family. My death was because of my own carelessness. And I have never ever doubted that you love me."
Remus felt a knot in his throat, and a few tears escaped from the corner of his eyes. Sirius ran his fingers through his face again, softer this time, then slowly leaned in and kissed Remus on the lips. It grew quickly and exponentially. Remus's arms wrapped tightly around Sirius's neck, as Sirius's were around his waist, perhaps even lifting him a little as they kissed.
This really was heaven, Remus thought, with perhaps a little guilt at the surge of happiness he felt right now. Only in dreams. Only in dreams had Remus believe he would see this man again. To hold him and be held by him. To kiss and be kissed. To tell him he loved him with all his heart.
"I love you too, Remus," Sirius whispered against his lips as they broke apart and Remus leaned forward, pressing his forehead against Sirius's and just wanting to stay there forever.
"What happens now?" he dared to ask after a silence that seemed to stretch for eternity.
"Now we go," Sirius said giving a couple of steps forward and looking back at Remus as he offered his hand. "Harry is waiting for us."
"Harry?" Remus asked as he stretch is hand to catch Sirius's, and when their hands touched and their fingers intertwined, Remus suddenly knew what was about to happen, and he nodded and walked forward.
"I wonder how Dora will handle sharing you with me," Sirius said mischievously as they walked through the forest hand in hand, and Remus's ears went a little red at the remark.
"Will I see her here?" he asked.
"Maybe," Sirius answered, "I don't really know, but I'm sure it will be all right," he said with another smile, his hand squeezing Remus's hand, and Remus was sure everything would be. Sirius was here. They were together. Everything was right.
They were almost out of the forest and far ahead Remus saw another two figures looking at them. Waiting for them. Remus smiled instantly, feeling finally at home, and safe. He squeezed Sirius's hand again and Sirius responded equally.
At the edge of the forest James and Lily waved at them.