I don't know if I'm going to add any more to this, make it longer than a oneshot, seeing as I'm not sure how good this is. Product of random thoughts at 3am. Could anyone who reviews please say if I should or not. Thanks.
Inspired by some fanart I found whilst browsing for something else. I don't remember where it was or whom it was by, but it was funny. I do not own Aziraphale (damnit) or Crowley. Nor do I own Google. Or Manchester. And I'm sorry to anyone out there who writes yaoi, I'm not trying to condemn you. I just figured this is how they'd see it.
The Fandom Experience
"Oh my…" said the Angel, staring at the screen. "Oh my…" His face was blank and shocked. He beckoned to Crowley.
"Bloody Hel- Heav- Manchester!" Cursed the Demon, once he had scanned the writing on the page. "What did you do that for, Angel?" he asked, red with what was probably rage.
"I didn't…" Came the worried reply. "I was just browsing this internet thing, and I came across… well… this." He waved a manicured hand vaguely in the direction of the screen.
They both stared at the offending text, non-plussed.
"But you can't… I couldn't… we wouldn't… it's just…" stuttered Crowley.
"Evil?" suggested the, rather pink and flushed, Aziraphale.
Crowley glowered back at him. "Low blow." He muttered. "And anyway, this stuff wasn't me… well… not specifically this stuff…" He blushed, for once ashamed of his demonic meddling. After all, he'd had a hand in a lot of what went onto the net. After eBay and chat-rooms, fanfiction had been one of his prouder inventions. He was rather regretting that now. And bles- curs- being very annoyed at the originator of all this "yaoi" business.
"Do you mean to say,' said the Angel in clipped, and it had to be said, rather menacing, tones, "that you had a hand in creating this sort of thing."
Crowley shrank back visibly. "Not like that!" he blurted, hurriedly. "I didn't mean it to… you know… include all… that…" He trailed off lamely, watching Aziraphale as though he might go off at any minute. "If anything," he continued hopefully, after he wasn't blessed into oblivion, "it just goes to prove again that they can come up with far worse things when left to their own devices." He eyed the angel warily, as though the lack of reaction signalled something worse to come.
Aziraphale shrugged, somewhat wearily, and nodded. Crowley relaxed a little, breathing a small sigh of relief as the Angel closed his eyes and leant back from the screen.
"I suppose you're right." He said at last. "But really, dear boy, how could they even think up some of these things. It's… absurd." Aziraphale hadn't even heard of some of the things portrayed in the stories (1), let alone understood why anyone would want to write or read about him doing them. With a demon, no less, even if it was Crowley.
The demon, on the other hand, knew, understood, and could fully imagine all of the acts described in the text (2). This was probably not something he was glad of, at that moment.
After a few moments of stunned contemplation, a question began to materialise in the brains of both entities. Crowley was the first to articulate it.
"But hang on," he said, as realisation hit, "how do they know who we are?"
Aziraphale scanned the screen frantically, before resorting to Google.
"It appears," he said slowly, digesting the information, "that we are two of the protagonists in a book." He stared at the screen. "Well I'll be damned."
"According to this lot you would be." Muttered the demon, so that Aziraphale wouldn't hear. Louder, he said, suspiciously, "What book?"
"A supposed work of fiction." Replied Aziraphale, skim-reading the page. He indicated the Crowley do the same.
When they had both finished, they wore expressions of twin, mute horror. They only hoped that their superiors were less technologically able, advanced and adventurous then they. They had to hope. God- someone help them if they weren't.
(1) Much as he was an Angel of the world, there were just some areas of human life he was just clueless about. Unfortunately for him, this was being rapidly rectified by the internet… graphically so.
(2) It was really a more demonic scene after all, what with all the incubi and succubae. He'd picked up stuff, here and there, about the goings on of humans.