Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
For a second year, he was getting an awful lot done in the short amount of time they were given. Remus had homework from all of his classes – and Lily Evans still said that she didn't have enough time to help him with Potions even though she would once she found the time. Remus had to admit that Lily must have been more stressed out than he was, as she had a smitten James Potter hanging off of her shoulder at every hour of everyday, who was actually a lot harder to shake off then it seemed.
Remus sighed closing his book with a sigh and blowing out the musty candle that was in his section of the library. Softly treading back to the shelves, he returned all of the books he had borrowed to their designated areas with a heave – then hitching his bag up his should to prepare to leave the already dimming library.
Remus returned to the common room, a soft murmur coursing about the students. Lily waved to him from the corner, and when he desperately mouthed 'potions?' to her she sighed and shook her head, pointing at many unfurled and half-finished parchments lying around her.
With a tired sigh he traipsed up the stairs to see Sirius sitting on his bed, flipping casually through a Quidditch Weekly. Remus smiled at him, but furrowed his eyebrows slightly at the sight of him on his bed.
"Hey," he mumbled, throwing his bag by his trunk. Pulling his robes over his shoulders, he waited to undress his shirt until Sirius left. Instead Remus stared at his friend, still immersed in the magazine. "What are you doing on my bed?"
Sirius dog-eared a page on cleaning broomsticks and wrote show James in the corner sloppily with his quill.
"What do you think?" he asked. His face was contemplative. "I was waiting up for you."
"That's new," Remus remarked, tossing his tie over to the floor with his robe. "Usually you're downstairs chatting away with James."
Sirius shrugged. "Change of pace," he looked up at his friend. "Been in the library?"
Remus nodded, and put his hands on his hips disapprovingly when Sirius chuckled a little.
"Would you find it funny if I put a sign on the library door saying The Library Is Closed?"
Remus smiled. "Actually, yes, I would. But the Ravenclaws would be furious."
The black-haired boy laughed. "In good fun."
Remus stared expectantly at Sirius to get off of his bed, but the boy remained on the sheets and didn't even look up. Remus cleared his throat.
"Can you get off of my bed? I'm a little tired." He flicked at his shoulder impatiently.
"I'm still waiting for you." Sirius answered, saying it as though it was obvious.
Remus raised his eyebrows. "What are you waiting for? I'm right here." He persistently tried to push the other boy off of his bed, but with not avail.
"I'm still waiting for you to tell me."
The werewolf confusedly crossed his arms, prodding his friend in the chest to move from his bed. "Tell you what?" He asked.
Sirius looked up, sympathy hiding in his eyes. "You know. About… you."
Remus rolled his eyes. "Are you trying to be all dramatic again, Siri? Because this is not a good time for rambling. I'm exhausted."
He finally succeeded in pushing Sirius off of his bed, but the black-haired boy lingered, staring down at Remus worriedly – who was climbing under the covers with a sigh.
"But sleeping won't bring it away." Sirius muttered, kneeling down beside his friend's bed. Something in his eyes was shining with concern.
"Bring what away?" Remus asked distractedly, reaching for his book. He rifled through the pages.
There was a soft thump as Remus dropped his book with suddenly numb fingers, as though the book was a bar of soap falling through his slippery hands. The amber eyes were wide and full of fear as they stared everywhere but Sirius.
"H-How did – how did you–"
Sirius sat down the edge of the bed, but Remus looked farther away, shame and dread glimmering on his face. His eyes were tearing faintly, reflecting in the light.
"How do you stand it, Remus?" Sirius asked him terrifyingly in a mere whisper.
The pool willing to leak in his eyes was blurring Remus' vision as he barely heard Sirius' words. But they were a comfort – it looked like there wasn't a sock in the jaw or a punch in the stomach coming. Sirius was actually worried for him – concerned for his health – not angry or furious.
Sirius had found out.
And he hadn't promised that he wouldn't run and tell the whole school.
Yet he also hadn't hissed out any betrayed-sounding 'Why didn't you tell me? Do you have no faith? Do you have no faith?' from his friend either, and that did slow down the pumping of his heart slightly.
But only slightly.
Remus whipped his head around to face Sirius, who was still looking at him with worry, his own eyes glistening slightly, too. The werewolf blinked away the tears.
"Please don't say anything," he begged quietly. "I don't want to leave. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I was worried." His voice was choked and breaking by the time he finished his plea. Sirius looked even more on the verge of tears, leaning forward more on the bed and gently intertwining their fingers.
Well, Remus thought. He's touching me. Which must mean that he isn't disgusted by me.
"Remus…" Sirius said. "What would make you think that I would tell anyone this?" He scooted closer to his friend with soft eyes glowing at him in a promise.
"B-But – but James and Peter–"
Sirius pressed a finger to his lips and shook his head, black locks bouncing slightly. "They won't know a thing."
"I… I thought you'd be disgusted," Remus said, his voice interrupted by silent hitching sobs. "I'm a m-monster."
Sirius shook his head again. "I'm not disgusted and you're not a monster," he swung an arm around the tawny-haired boy's shoulder and pressed their sides together reassuringly. "Don't let anyone tell you differently."
"Promise that you won't t-tell?" Remus asked, staring at Sirius for confirmation. Sirius nodded.
"Why would I betray you, Remus?"
There was a silence in which Sirius held his friend in one-armed but nevertheless tight embrace, until Remus broke it.
"Why aren't you mad at me for not telling you?" He asked.
Sirius paused, looking at Remus incredulously. "You go through enough," he muttered. "You don't need me to make it harder for you. And why should I pretend to be mad when I'm not? You… you had your reasons."
"Yes, but you would always tell me something like that! You would never keep a secret from me." Remus said sadly, admiration glowing from him as he stared at his friend.
"That's different. I'm not mad at you, Remus," there was another silence, in which Sirius played uncomfortably with his fingers until he whispered out. "And… and I don't always tell you everything."
Remus removed his head from his friend's shoulder and stared up perplexedly at the gray eyes that were avoiding his and looking at the sheets fixedly.
"…Sirius…?" He asked, waiting for Sirius to tell him what he had been concealing from the werewolf.
The black-haired boy didn't respond quite yet. Tears forming in his eyes, he tried to rock them away by curling up in a ball and swaying on the bed.
"It… it tears me apart knowing that you have to suffer alone. No one should suffer alone. It's just not right – especially when it comes to you." Sirius looked at Remus dejectedly, before gently leaning forward and brushing his lips against the tawny haired boy's.
Remus didn't even know what had happened. His eyes had been open the entire time, he thought, except then he had to open them and Sirius was gone. It had only been a touch of lips and that had been it.
He stared at Sirius, who was looking away again.
"It's nice to know that you care, Siri," Remus whispered, reaching out to grab his hand. "I don't know what I would do without you." He kissed the side of Sirius' cheek, and then when he felt the pale face turn to look at him, he kissed his nose, and then his forehead tenderly.
"I feel the same way." Sirius murmured back.
And with no more words, their arms wrapped around each other as though it was natural instinct, all the hands going into the right places and all of the noses going into the right crooks of their necks. No more words.
Remus always thought that they didn't need conversation to communicate, and tonight had proved just that and more.