"The Second Job"
(Or, "Twenty Trials & Lessons Tsuzuki Learned Whilst Taking A Second Job")
Summary: Shameless fluff. Due to his massive and growing debts, Tsuzuki is forced to get a second job. TsuHis a little Tatari.
This was actually based on those 20 facts memes that were going around a while ago. It somehow evolved into Tsuzuki getting a second job.
I saw someone use this, and thought it a very interesting way to write, thus, I had to try it.;
Meme: Twenty Random Facts About...
Rating: Probably a great deal more worksafe than Yami itself was/is XD
Centricity: Tsuzuki, Hisoka, Tsuzuki+Hisoka, Tilt-your-head-and-maybe-you'll-see-it Tatsumi+Watari
1. this is silly fluff written to cheer up Rachel who was sick at the time.
2. Many thanks to Ego-chai and JD for feedback and help translating
and finally, this was finished October 25th, 05, done for the 30romances claim I was working on.
1. It's a simple equation. Add Tsuzuki + any situation and you will get a ready-made disaster, complete with explosions, copious wine usage, screaming villagers, ...Did I mention explosions?
It seems Tsuzuki can't finish a case without leveling a block, at least. Tatsumi won't even talk about "that" incident, wherein Tsuzuki leveled a whole city. By accident, of course.
The money has to come from somewhere and Tsuzuki can barely make the rent of his shabby apartment with his current paycheck.
Tatsumi spells this out s-l-o-w-l-y and c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y and then readies his fingers to be inserted in the more outer areas of his ear canal when Tsuzuki gets the gravity of the situation.
2. Another job? Ick. Ew. Ugh. Along with several melancholic sighs and a "why is it always me" for good measure.
Tsuzuki picks up the newspaper, ignoring the headline and going straight to the wanted ads.
3. Tatsumi sends a memo by Gushoushin of The List Of Jobs Tsuzuki Asato Cannot Apply For Or Even Consider.
Among them is any job having to do with:
1. Food Preparation.
2. Food Packing.
3. Food In General.
Also any place
Wherein there can be:
1. Fires Started,
2. Glass Broken,
3.Any Important Papers Lost,
4. Alcoholic Beverages Obtained.
The list goes on for several pages. It's got more clauses than the average contract, and just as much legalese.
A feeling of Woefulness And Terrible Angst settles over Tsuzuki. ...Until the microwave beeps, signifying that his pie is finished reheating. Mmm, pie.
The wanted ads are full of complicated phrases and titles, and over a third of the jobs are now banned from him by Tatsumi.
He skips though most of them, until he comes into one in particular. He supposes even Tatsumi couldn't deny him this one.
It's a simple equation. Hisoka likes books. Hisoka likes quiet. Tsuzuki likes Hisoka.
Tsuzuki circles the ad and opens up a bottle of wine for good measure. "Cheers to my new second job," he says to no one in particular.
Tatsumi raises an eyebrow when he sees the choice.
"You do know that this job will require you to be quiet , don't you?"
"Of course. I can be very quiet."
"You should most likely have other options lest this one not work..."
"I like this one best."
Tatsumi can't help feeling there's something else to it, but complies. It's tiring to try and make Tsuzuki see logic in any form.
He isn't assigned to main branch, no, surely not for he could cause all number of things from falling bookcases to strange fires. Plus, it's one of the things on the list of things he's banned from.
Instead, he is pushed to a quiet sub-branch. It holds mainly literature "classics" so outdated
that (almost) no one reads them anymore.
Approximately only 0.5 percent of the shinigami population ever even think of visiting. It is estimated that only 0.1 percent ever visit it regularly.
Everyday Tsuzuki waits for that 0.1 to arrive. If he had a tail, he would be vigorously wagging it in anticipation.
There's a bell on the door which is older than even Tsuzuki, possibly even older than Kanoe,
it's rusted and isn't particularly melodic, making more of a cacophonous "clanking" sound.
Tsuzuki thinks it sounds somewhat like a cowbell. Then that thought travels to the thought of wonderful ice cream and oooh! Frozen yogurt and oh, cheesecake! And mmm, cream pie...
10. He can always tell who's coming by the sound of the bell. Whenever it opens in a forceful, controlled manner, it's Tatsumi coming to chastise him for forgetting paperwork or to add another job to his list.
If there's an explosion, hitting the door so hard that it's a surprise it doesn't shatter to pieces, it's Watari. Tsuzuki can never understand why Watari never gets in as much trouble as he does. Considering they cause roughly about the same amount of damage and destruction. In fact, Tsuzuki wonders if there isn't a law against him partnering with Watari, just for the safety of the general public. It certainly is odd that Tatsumi has never let him work with Watari.
When slammed, it's Terazuma who usually only comes to taunt Tsuzuki. He even once ate his lunch (Cinnabuns– Tsuzuki's favorite . Or one of his favorites, anyways.) In front of Tsuzuki, smirking the whole time and repeating how mmmm good these cinnabuns and how they were the best cinnabuns he'd ever had, until Wakaba came in and smacked him over the head and dragged him out, admonishing his childish behavior.
And when it is closed so softly he can almost not hear a sound, he leaps up in excitement.
"Hey Hisoka! How are you doing? Are you up for any new reading? I saw this one book which I just KNOW you'll love–"
"Shhh. This is a library."
"Hey that's my line."
12. Tsuzuki watches to see what Hisoka reads, then when he's finished and returns them, Tsuzuki peers through, wanting to read everything that Hisoka reads in the rare case he might understand something new about Hisoka.
There's so many questions he can't ask, so he gleans every bit of information he can.
13. The book (the title is in traditional Mandarin, no less) is full of dry poetics that seem more for abstraction than actual meaning. Like art for art's sake.
Tsuzuki wonders why on earth Hisoka would read something so dull .
But he perseveres, because he might never again get this chance to look into The Things That Hisoka Must Really Enjoy.
Lesson #1: Hisoka Is Really, Really, Really Smart.
There is no other explanation on how he can plow through these dry, droll, utterly boring books on a regular basis.
He also must be the fastest reader in the history of shinigami-dom for he returns everyday for new books. Even though these books – i tomes/I really should take him the better part of a month to finish cover to cover.
Lesson #2: Hisoka Has To Know At Least Three Languages– Fluently.
Today's pile contains everything from things circa the Hien period, to well known Japanese liturature, and even aged English volumes. (He fails to understand how heights can be "Wuthering" – No amount of searching in dictionary can define that one.)
Tsuzuki makes another notation, addendum soon after this. For Hisoka enjoys obscure French literature as well.
"Bonjour. Comment allez-vous aujourd'hui? Le survivre à est-vous très bien aujourd'hui, ne convenez-vous pas?"
"...You could've at least left me some dignity."
"Che. What dignity?"
17. Lesson#3 Hisoka Is Really, Really, Really Nice, When Not Acting As If He Has A Rather Severe Case of PMS.
He came in as usual, but this time carried a – gasp – basket, which Tsuzuki ascertained held something sweet, for he had a sixth sense to things of the confectionary kind.
"You brought something for me, Hisoka?"
"It was left over at the office. It's too sweet for me."
Perched, precariously on the top of the basket stood two balanced thermoses (thermoi?), in the other hand he held books to be returned.
"..It'd be less satisfactory without tea." Hisoka continued, aptly sensing Tsuzuki's train of thought.
"Mnn? Hisoka? Are you staying?"
"I have to take the plate back, of course."
"Thanks of lot, Hisoka." Tsuzuki said, beaming in thanks.
"Che. It'd be a waste of time to leave and come back"
But as he turns, he notices the red tint in Hisoka's cheeks, and smiles.
18. Lesson #4 Good Conversation Can Be Grown By Developing Similar Interests.
Tsuzuki "borrows" a stray book on Tatsumi's desk, something on the note of
To improve conversation, develop similar interests. Before the first date, research local spots, new events, and other possible aspects which could lead to stimulating conversation...
Lower on the page, in impeccably neat ink there is a small listing of chemical compounds and the
history through the ages, along with a perfect bibliography of reference books to check.
"Eh? What kind of listing is this ? When did Tatsumi get so into chemistry?"
He peers deeper, yet fails to grasp the meaning of this.
"Those heights sure are Wuthering, eh?"
"Oh, the book you were reading. Bronte has some interesting works, eh?"
"And Heathcliff, he sure was tormented, eh?"
"Oh, actually I don't remember.."
"How can you not remember? You have a better memory than I do. "
"I said I don't know, Do you expect me to remember every book I read?"
"Yes! You're the smart one!"
"Well I don't!"
"Then why are you reading all of these?!"
"Then why do you come every day without fail?!"
"Because I love you, you idiot!! – I mean I– I– I... Oh shit."
20. Final lesson – A condensed summation:
Hisoka actually doesn't like Traditional Chinese literature, treatises, or droll poetics.
Though he does know Traditional Mandarin, French, Japanese, English, and possibly a few others.
Hisoka is really, really, really smart, and really, really, really nice when not acting as if he has a rather severe case of PMS.
He doesn't like sweets, Though he does like Tsuzuki. Even if he sometimes acts like he doesn't.