-1A/N: Okay, so this is my first songfic. I'm sorry if it sucks. Also, I'm sorry if Derek and Casey seem a bit out of character, but I don't think it's too bad. I got this idea and had to write it kinda quick, because I'm going on vacation and I don't know if I'm going to have internet access for my laptop down there.

I had to go back and make some changes, because I actually read the story on the site for the first time, and saw that the first part of the song was missing. This is the way that I had it written originally.

Disclaimer: I don't own Life With Derek, or Sic Transit Gloria…Glory Fades by Brand New. You could sue me about borrowing them, but I only have 47 cents in my bank account, so it's hardly worth it.


He heard her sneaking into his room. It was late, of course, after everyone else had fallen asleep. They were both still awake, though, just waiting for this.

Keep the noise low.
She doesn't wanna blow it.
Shaking head to toe
while your left hand does "the show me around."
Quickens your heartbeat.
It beats me straight into the ground.

You don't recover from a night like this.
A victim, still lying in bed, completely motionless.
A hand moves in the dark to a zipper.
Hear a boy bracing tight against sheets
barely whisper, "This is so messed up."

As she leaned in to kiss him, he thought back to the night that had all started this.


Their parents had gone out of town, and the younger kids had gone off to various friends and family members houses. Naturally, with that much freedom, Derek had decided to throw a party. He had expected a fight from Casey about it, but she had agreed and even helped him set up for it. He was shocked, but decided not to push it.

Later that night, the party was in full swing. Derek figured out why Casey hadn't fought about the party, she was cuddled up in the lap of some football player. Something about seeing her there made him cringe. He was fine until the guy followed her into a bathroom. Then he started to freak out a little bit. He had realized long ago that he had a crush on Casey, but he didn't think that her being with other guys would bother him this much. He decided to take a walk.

Casey came out of the bathroom, looking slightly peeved that Gary had the nerve to try something like that. She wasn't the sort of girl to have sex with a guy in a bathroom at a party, especially if he hadn't even bothered to take her out beforehand. Sam told her Derek had started acting all weird and went for a walk. She didn't think much of it until she heard the rain start and saw him walk back in through the front door.

Upon arrival the guests had all stared.
Dripping wet and clearly depressed,
he'd headed straight for the stairs.
No longer cool, but a boy in a stitch,
unprepared for a life full of lies and failing relationships.

She watched him go upstairs, and decided to follow him. She walked into his room without knocking and saw him lying on his bed. She asked him quietly, "Are you okay?"

"No Casey, I'm really not." He replied, sounding sad.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" She asked gently.

"I doubt it." He replied, and rolled over on his side.

She stood for a second in the doorway, unsure of what to do. She walked over to the bed and lied down, curling her body next to his.

He jumped off of the bed, surprised. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to make you feel better. Come lay back down." He stands where he is for a moment longer, unsure of what to do.

He keeps his hands low.
He doesn't wanna blow it.
He's wet from head to toe and
his eyes give her the up and the down.
His stomach turns and he thinks of throwing up.
But the body on the bed beckons forward
and he starts growing up.

He laid down next to her, and she leaned into him. She kissed him, gently at first, then more urgent. She ran her tongue over his lips, waiting for them to part and grant her access. He did, reluctantly. She shoved her tongue into his mouth, exploring every nook inside. He was unsure of whether or not he wanted her to continue. Yes, he liked her, but this wasn't quite what he had imagined his first time being like. Regardless of what people thought, he hadn't had sex with any of the girls he had taken out, he just made out with them.

She hits the lights.
This doesn't seem quite fair.
Despite everything he learned from his friends,
he doesn't feel so prepared.
She's breathing quiet and smooth.
He's gasping for air.

He gently brought his hands up to her sides, and she began to remove his clothes. He wasn't sure that he wanted to be with someone who didn't want a relationship outside of sex. He decided that he couldn't be with her after tonight.

"This is the first and last time," he says.
She fakes a smile and presses her hips into his.
He keeps his hands pinned down at his sides.
He's holding back from telling her
exactly what it really feels like.

He didn't know how she had gotten complete control over the situation. Not having control was not something that he was used to. He started telling her how beautiful and smart she is, even though all he really wanted to tell her was how much he loved her, but he didn't think that was what she wanted to hear.

He is the lamb, she is the slaughter.
She's moving way too fast and all he wanted was to hold her.
Nothing that he tells her is really having an effect.
He whispers that he loves her,
but she's probably only looking for...

He asked her what she wanted. "Duh, Derek. Isn't it a little obvious?" She looked at him pointedly. He nodded his head and let her continue what she was doing. He knew that as long as he was doing this with her, he would love her, without her loving him back. It would probably wreck all his future relationships before they even started.

So much more than he could ever give.
A life free of lies and a meaningful relationship.
He keeps his hands pinned down at his sides.
He waits for it to end
and for the aching in his guts to subside.

In that moment, with Casey rocking back and forth on top of him, he realized that he had become an adult. One with serious issues, but an adult nonetheless.

Up the stairs: the station where
the act becomes the art of growing up.


The next day, when everyone came home, Edwin had asked him about girls. "What's it like, really?"

Derek thought to himself, "What should I tell him? Should I tell him about how your brain overheats when you think about them? How hard you focus on them when you want them?"

The fever, the focus.

"What about how you feel when one of them forces themselves on you, and you feel like it's not the first time they've done it?"

The reasons that I had to believe
you weren't too hard to sell.

"What about how it actually feels to be around girls in the moment? And then how it feels after, when you realize it's not all it's cracked up to be?"

The tickle, the taste of...
It used to be the reason I breathed
but now it's choking me up.

Just then Casey walked into the room, and gave him a smoldering look. Derek knew at that moment what to say to him. "Edwin, trust me on this one,

Die young and save yourself."