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A Rose for Lily Evans

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I wonder if you know I am here. I stare at your grave almost every day and I pray that one day you will know how much I loved you; how much I still love you. I regret everything that happened and wish you weren't so stubborn. You could have been spared and yet you martyred yourself for your son.

I wonder if you would ever show me the same love if you were still alive. I couldn't stand the day you married Potter, but I never hated you for it. You loved him, that was understandable, but I hated him. I loathed everything about the man ever since our first encounter.

You remember, don't you Lily? You and I were sitting in our own compartment after you felt bad that your sister called you a freak. I wished that you would be in Slytherin, but then Black and Potter had to poke their noses where they didn't belong. I hated them for that.

I also hated the fact that my wish didn't come true and that you ended up in Gryffindor. We stayed friends at least. You were the one person in my life that was worth living for. I confided in you and vice versa. I was happy when you told me how much you loathed Potter also. I was afraid that I would lose you as a friend, but you were always kind.

I'm still sorry I called you a Mudblood back in our fifth year. I regret causing you that pain. When I saw your face fill with anguish, I nearly broke down. But you understood, right? I had to do it. I couldn't be seen being nice to a muggle-born; it wasn't allowed. You were still kind to me despite everything that happened. You were still there for me even though the stupid Marauders weren't.

Potter became persistent in his attempts at wooing you and it made me feel uneasy. I was jealous of the annoying prat and wished that it was I whom wooed you. I fancied you and you didn't even know it Lily. I envied the git. He was allowed to pursue you and yet I wasn't allowed to. I chose my fate and you weren't a part of it. I had to accept that.

And then Potter succeeded. He managed to take you in his grasp and he never let you go. He would snidely remind me that it was he who had you; it was he that married you. I felt betrayed Lily, please understand that. I was suppose to let you go…

I couldn't let you go though. Ever since I was little, I was broken. I was shattered from the shadows and ghosts of the past, but you were there to put me back together. You fixed me and made everything seemed better. You aren't here now though Lily. You are gone. You will never come back because I killed you. I sold you and your family out.

Please forgive me.

I know it is pathetic of me to ask that from you, but please forgive me. No matter what your decision may be, I will still love you. I never stopped loving you. Even when you left me to be with him, I still felt that strong bond with you; that is why I asked the Dark Lord to spare you.

You were still as stubborn as ever from what he told me. He killed Potter first and you defended your child. You could've gone Lily but you protected your son; Harry. He is a talented boy Lily, very talented. I can't stand him, not because of what happened between us, but because he looks and acts just like your precious James.

I don't hate Harry. I am not being a petty child over something that happened long ago. You don't have to worry Lily. One day he will amount to great things. Your boy is the only one who survived against the Dark Lord; he will be the savior of everyone. The pressure on the boy is immense and I only add to it.

Be at peace Lily, your boy is fine. Despite my hatred from the past, I kept my vow to you. Your death is not in vain, for I am doing everything in my being to protect him. Dumbledore made sure of that; he gave me redemption.

This is where I leave you. The Dark Lord is growing stronger and I've had to go into hiding have I killed Dumbledore. That is a story saved for another visit. I will tell you all about that and the progress on your son next time. Next time I will see you and repent my sins. Even in death, I still confide in you Lily. I still confide my darkest and deadliest secrets to you.

Just like every other visit, I leave you this rose; a symbol of my undying love for you. Rest in peace my heavenly angel, my savior, my tourniquet…rest your soul Lily. I am still but a petty child when it comes to one thing about you however, and I'm afraid I will not get over it.

I like to remember as the girl I once knew and not the girl you became.

Until another day Lily Evans.

Little did Severus Snape know that this was his last visit. The next time he met her was in the heavens where Lily did in fact forgive him.