Ch. 24 (Delayed) Jobs
A/N: Thank you soooooo much to crazynerd for pointing out that ch. 23 SHOULD have been the jobs chapter, this horrible author has neglected her story for so long that I had forgot I left it at a 'carry over' ending, I would love to thank you all for sticking to this story, when I look back at it I'm going
"Did I seriously used to write like this?"
(look at ch.1 for a major example) and it makes me so proud and motivated to write more, thank you all so much for reviewing! Also, I don't own any of the spoofed companies and commercial materials or lines, the King Cloud line is supposed to be 'Old Spice' if anyone needed clarification. Also as a heads up some of the previous chapters used 'Calvin and Hobbes' material, I totally forgot to cite that and I hadn't realized what I'd done until I'd gotten into the lockout period and my original docs. were deleted because I had some computer issues. Please excuse them and know that Bill Watterson played a major part in providing that material. Thanks to those of you that commented on it, I owe all of you so much!
Robin sat at the kitchen table with the recent bill the Titans had been sent. He understood that Cyborg and Beastboy could be idiots, but this had gone too far. Who in the entire world would pay so much money for a briefcase? And the two pranksters had left it in the elevator after they were done playing jokes on several people so they couldn't get a refund. Robin nearly ripped the paper in two.
The Titan's tab couldn't cover this expense along with the equipment required to keep the tower going to protect the city, so they were all doomed to get jobs. Robin's head slammed against the table with a painful 'BANG!' and he sighed.
"Someone kill me now." Starfire gasped at this comment.
"Friend Robin! Do not speak of such a thing! If we were to lose you-"
"No Star, it's just a figure of speech." Robin assured the upset girl.
"If anyone were to do the killing, please allow me." Raven spat at Robin's direction. Oh yeah, he had almost forgot, Star had signed her and Raven up for a job at the salon they had gone to. Raven had described to him that she would rather have been stuck in Dante's 'Inferno' rather than step back into the shop and reprimanded him for even allowing Starfire to have a credit card. The salon had already accepted their applications and they were to start work that evening. Needless to say Raven was not happy with her predicament.
"Look, I'm sorry that this happened but we'll just have to make the best of it." He tried to lighten the mood but one look from the hooded eyes had shut him up.
"Dudes, I'm so excited!" Beastboy slid into the room with his arms open to the world, his lopsided smile dominating his face.
"And why are you so happy?" Raven sneered. Yeah, Raven was going to have a bad day.
"That's because Cy and I got a job for a body spray commercial." Beastboy flexed his not so impressive muscles to prove his point. Raven rolled her eyes and sat down on the couch with an old leather bound tome.
"What's in here that I can kill Beastboy with?" She wondered aloud.
"Not fair! I don't have voodoo magic, Robin, tell her it's not fair!" Beastboy whined.
"Frankly, I don't care what she does to you at this point, I'll probably help her."
"So if she wanted to kiss me, ….are you saying you're gay?" Beastboy accused.
"Kiss you!" Raven's blush was visible even beneath her hood.
"Gay? I am not gay!" Robin was ready to strangle the green teen when Cyborg walked in.
"Hey ya'll what's happening?" Cyborg stopped and looked at the angry face of their leader, the still red face of Raven, the confused face of Starfire and the mixed emotions of laughter and horror on his best friend's face.
"Let me guess, Beastboy made an inappropriate joke about Robin with a term Starfire doesn't know, said something about Raven that he either made up or got off the internet including himself within the comment and now he's laughing at Robin while at the same time scared at what Raven will do to him."
"That is correct friend Cyborg, tell me, what is this word, 'gay'?" Starfire flew over to her half metal friend; he gently patted her on the top of her head and replied,
"I'll explain later."
"So it's about time we headed out to our jobs." Beastboy declared to distract his teammates from inflicting pain on him.
"Wait, Robin, you never told us what your job was." Cyborg pointed out. Robin tensed then sighed.
"Look kids, it's your favorite clown, Wacko!" cheering children bounced around the party room as Robin looked on with an annoyed expression.
"No wonder clowns never smile." He looked down as a kid at the age of four tugged on his sleeve.
"You gunna pway wiff us?" He asked.
"Uh, I'm going to tell a few jokes and make balloon animals, does that count?" Robin questioned.
"I wanna pway four square!" The kid announced.
"I want to play tag!" Another screamed.
"Chess!" Everyone stopped and looked at the kid who had shouted out the intellectual game.
"What?" She sniffed and pushed her beret back in place.
"This is going to be a long two hours." Robin muttered.
"Heeeeyyyyy!" A girl with long black hair walked in chewing gum.
"How's everyone doing today?" She asked in a sweet tone. The trainees gave a cheerful nod or response, Raven was dead quite.
"Raven, isn't she a nice person?" Starfire asked with stars in her eyes. Raven just pulled her hood even farther over her face.
"A'right a'right, I know you're impatient to get started, so I'm going to assign jobs to everyone, get in a line please!" People shuffled around and got in single file, Tessa, the girl that was in charge of the group of newcomers, walked down with a clipboard in hand.
"You can work on hair, you, nails, you, feet…." Tessa looked up from her clipboard to come face to face with Starfire.
"No, way! You're like, Starfire, the girl that Robin's totally into right?" Tessa completely forgot the others as she stared star struck at the Heroine in front of her.
"So, has he asked you out yet?" She assumed.
"What?" Starfire's face was flushed and she looked to Raven for help. Tessa looked down Star's line of sight and saw Raven.
"No way! BOTH of you are here? So, are you into anyone in the Titan's?" Tessa asked Raven in a conspiratorial whisper.
"Back off." Raven had her straight face look directly at Tessa's.
"That's cool, what about in the Titan's East?" Raven stared at the girl for a second more and then responded.
"You know what, I'm sure Starfire would love to talk to you about this kind of thing." Implying to leave her alone.
"Alright, come on!" Tessa grabbed hold of Starfire's and Raven's wrists and dragged them to the employee lounge.
Beastboy was having powder applied to his face as Cyborg was getting his mechanic parts shined and tuned.
"Man, this is like being a movie star!" Beastboy smiled.
"Yeah, except we're not in a movie."
"Don't ruin it for me."
"All right boys, let's get this show on the road!" A woman with painfully obvious white dyed hair slapped her hands together and the barrage of make- up artists scrambled away.
"Beastboy darling, how's the fang?" she grinned.
"Uh, pointy I guess?" He stared cross eyed at the tooth sticking out of his jaw and the woman laughed.
"I'm Joann; I'll be producing King Cloud's new line of man spray, 'Heroes' Hunger'."
"Well, I'm a hero and I'm hungry." Cyborg got up to go to the snack bar but was stopped by Joann's hand.
"No, that's for after we've shot something." She explained.
"Until then you need to keep your figure right." Cyborg looked down at his metal body and looked back up at the producer.
"I don't think I'd be gaining any weight-"
"That's what they all say. Now hop-to, we have a King Cloud commercial to make."
"WAAAAHHHH!" A two year old shrieked in Robin's ear. He forced on a smile and handed the child back to his mother.
"Such a beautiful kid." He managed to say.
"Say thank you to Wacko, Timmy." The mother cooed, the baby continued to cry.
"Next!" Robin yelled desperately. The girl who had called out 'Chess' as a game to play walked up towards him.
"And what do you want me to do?" Robin repeated.
"I want advice." She said seriously.
"On what?" Robin kneeled down to the girl's height. She ushered him to lean in closer and he did.
"I know your Robin, you fight bad guys all the time, I want to know how to deal with bullies." She whispered. Robin was a bit taken aback.
"Sure, but why'd you whisper?" He queried. She jutted her thumb in the other kid's direction.
"You don't want those bozos knowing you have a humiliating job like this do you?" He nodded and thought about what to say.
"What kind of bully is it?" He decided.
"His name's Dylan, he'll yank on my hair when I'm not looking and make fun of the way I dress and act. He's over there." She pointed. Robin looked at a boy with white –blond hair and blue eyes. He was making a joke about someone named Alexia but as he did it he looked at the girl that Robin was talking to for any sign of reaction. Robin thought he saw a bit of Raven and Beastboy in these two.
"Is your name Alexia?" Robin asked. She nodded.
"He's talking about me isn't he?" She was getting red-faced at the idea and looked like tears were a possible solution to the problem.
"He is, but I don't think he's doing it to be mean, I think he likes you." Robin jerked his head in Dylan's direction and as Alexia looked up he turned away.
"He never looks at me or acts nice." She pouted.
"Some boys just don't know how to get your attention so they pick on you instead." Robin shrugged.
"So what do I do?" Alexia wondered.
"Hey, Alexia's getting more time with Wacko!" A buck toothed kid squealed. Robin winced at the name as Alexia walked away with a thank you. Robin went through a group of about ten more kids and came across Dylan.
"Hey, clown." Dylan demanded. Robin raised an eyebrow.
"Do something funny." Robin's eye twitched, this was the final time that a child would demand he was funny. He knelt to Dylan's height and said in even lengths,
"Dylan, see that girl over there?" The boy looked taken aback that the clown should know his name but he looked over at Alexia and replied that he wasn't blind and that he could see her and several other things that were over there.
"You like her don't you?" Now the boy was wide eyed and scared as he gave a slight nod. Good, Robin thought, maybe this'll put him in his place.
"Well, I know a way you can get her to like you back." Dylan looked around and hissed,
"Not so loud! Sam might hear you and make fun of me."
"Well Sam's a lonely loser if he's making fun of you for liking a girl." Robin snapped. Dylan gave a slight laugh but was thoughtful as he considered the clown's offer.
"So, how do I get Alexia to like me?" He conjectured.
"She wants you to treat her with respect and to not make fun her clothes or yank on her hair." Robin explained.
"But what if she doesn't like me back?" He seemed worried; Robin felt bad for the kid but had seen the way he had made Alexia feel like a pariah.
"Then you be grateful you liked a nice girl like her, and if she does like you then pray that you don't hurt her in any way or I swear I'll hunt you down and make you suffer, got it?" Dylan was wide eyed again and walked slowly away as he squeaked out an 'okay'.
Well, that was Robin's do-good deed for the day.
"Can your hero look like me?" Beastboy read from a script clutched in one hand as he held the promoting product in the other.
"No? Then he can definitely use a makeover! Turn into a turtle."
"CUT!" Joann screeched.
"Beastboy, honey, you don't read the stage directions, you know, the ones in parenthesis?" She reminded.
"Sorry, it's just,….why a turtle?"
"It's the mascot for the King Cloud brand." She replied with painfully obvious exaggeration.
"Oh,…..so what am I supposed to do after I turn into a turtle?"
"Do as Cyborg says as you go along, ACTION!" Beastboy rushed to get back in position and rattled off his lines once more.
"Can your hero look like me? No? Then he can definitely use a makeover!" He transformed into a turtle and scuttled behind Cyborg.
"You probably didn't expect this but I'm on a horse." Beastboy switched into a horse and Cyborg nearly fell off.
"You probably didn't expect me to be on an elephant either." Cyborg recited. Beastboy again changed.
"Look, a bird!" Beastboy shot into the air and nearly took out a camera man.
"No, I'm joking, it was an alpaca." Beastboy fell in mid-flight in alpaca form on the studio floor.
"Well, with all the unpredictable things going on in places like Jump City, it's always good to smell prepared. Stay fresh my friends."
"CUT!" Joann had an enormous smile on her face.
"That was great! You read your lines perfectly Cyborg!"
"Hey!" Beastboy dusted himself off from the floor and glared at the business woman.
"I had no screen time at all!"
"Of course you did hun, you transfigured into all those different animals right in front of the camera!"
"What about my face time!" He complained.
"oh." Joann had a distasteful look on her own face.
"Sugar, you shouldn't credit yourself too much on that."
"HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA! She got you man!" Cyborg howled.
"What does he have that I don't?" Beastboy pointed at his metal friend.
"His face is half metal! No offence Cy but, I mean, LOOK AT ME!"
"Yeah, a sorry little thing right?" Cyborg commented.
"Beastboy," Joann started.
"We're in the new age, the dynamic, cutting Edge, mainstream line, Cyborg has best of both worlds. Technology and male physic. You on the other hand,…we're not looking for regular teens."
"And I'm sure people go crazy for it, but it's just not in our market."
"What about,…uh…GOING GREEN! That could be a new line of products!"
"Haha, babe, we're not that mainstream."
"Sorry BB, looks like I win this round."
Tessa jabbered on and on for countless hours as Raven considered the possibility of opening up another dimension to throw her into.
"So? What do you think? Should I go out with him, cuz he seems like the bad boy type."
"Frankly Tessa, I don't care." Raven glared at the girl for the sixty-fourth time that evening. She had been keeping count.
"Oh Raven! I know you just don't want to talk about you and Beastboy." Tessa giggled. Raven froze in her seat.
"Oh yes! Friend Raven and Beastboy share wondrous moments together!" Starfire squealed.
"No freakin way! Spill!" Tessa turned her full attention to the alien princess.
"Spill what?" She questioned.
"You know, tell me all about it." Tessa grabbed Starfire's hands as if the girl needed moral support.
"You're so cute sometimes; I see why Robin digs you."
"Digs? I am not buried." Starfire continued.
"No, no, as in he's totally into you." Tessa chuckled.
"I think I understand."
"Is that not a food?"
Robin scrubbed. He scrubbed harder. It wouldn't come off. Dear God why wouldn't it come off!
'I'll be stuck with this clown makeup on my face forever; my secret identity won't be secret because it's obvious if a guy is walking around with clown make up on all the time! I wonder how clowns get their makeup off? Maybe they don't, this is probably a rite of passage into the secret clown society and poor guys who just want some money end up having to go into hiding or become a villain! I wonder if that's how the joker started out? Batman would never forgive me!'
"Dude, why are you making faces in the mirror?" Beastboy asked as he poked his head into the bathroom.
"Don't freak, I didn't open the door, you left it like that!"
"Beastboy, do you know how to get makeup off?" Robin was looking down into the sink in shame as the words crept out of his throat.
"Do I look like I wear makeup?"
"Don't you use blush to cover that zit-"
"Don't look at me!" Beastboy ran down the hall and slammed his door.
Robin looked at the now empty doorway and then back at the mirror.
"I'll admit, that was funny."
"And stay out you totally uncool jerks!" Tessa screeched and slammed the door.
"Raven, we are of the un-popular?" Starfire whimpered.
"No, Tessa just doesn't know the meaning of Goth." Raven smirked. Tessa had NOT liked the haircut she had given her. Good. That'd teach her.
"Come on, let's go home."
Robin looked at the collected money at the kitchen table and sighed. They had barely made it, but next week's check should cover that.
"Titans, we are debt free!" He smiled. Everyone cheered and Beasboy gave everyone a party hat (except Raven who threatened to shove it in several unwanted places)
"Dudes, time to party!"
"Not quite." Robin grabbed Beastboy by the ear and dragged him over to Cyborg.
"Ow!Ow! You know I have sensitive ears!"
"You two were the whole reason we needed to get jobs, extra training for a month!" Robin declared.
"So not fair!" Beastboy exclaimed.
"Yeah man, we're famous now!" Cyborg threw his arms in the air.
"We're already famous." Robin pointed out.
"Yeah, but are YOU on a TV commercial?" Cyborg grabbed the remote and flipped the TV on to where the Cloud King commercial was playing.
"I recorded that." Cyborg smirked.
"No, I guess I don't have a commercial. I have three." Robin gave and evil grin back.
"What!" Beastboy grabbed the leader by the shirt.
"How could they pick you and not ME!"
"Well, they're all motorcycle commercials; they helped to pay for the debt you landed us in." Robin pried Beastboy's hands off of his shirt and flipped to his own commercials.
"Do you need to look cool for your date? Then buy MotorMore! The newest Cycle in town."
"Un. Fair." Beastboy pouted.
A/N: I have the horrible tendency to write sucky endings, I'm sorry this is so late! I actually had this done a month ago but never had the chance to post it because of Service projects and school work (GAH! AP classes!) I finally came across some spare time thanks to the holidays, again, thanks to crazynerd for pointing out the OBVIOUS mistake, I really need to pay attention to what I write.