A/N: Had some free time on my hands so this is the result. I'm a little rusty.
Fail. Fail. Fail...
Percy looked down at his check-list. There weren't many more places left for him to check and it would take nothing short of a miracle to save the school now. If he was to be completely honest he was quite looking forward to going down in history as the person who closed down Hogwarts. He took two turns to the left, and then one to the right and ended up outside the transfiguration classroom. Pinned up on the door was a notice.
"Class moved down the hall to Room 7 due to slight structural damage."
Not wanting to miss another opportunity to add a reason to close the school, Percy pushed open the door and made to take a step inside. The door swung open and revealed... nothing. No floor, no walls, no ceiling. It was as if the entire classroom had fallen into the room below, leaving nothing but open air and a ten foot drop down to the rubble below. He quickly took a few steps back away from the edge, leaving the door swinging in the open air.
He turned around and moved down to the end of the corridor, where the lesson had been changed to, and went inside.
McGonagall was standing at the front of the room teaching a class of third years about identifying transfigured objects and for the first time that day Percy could not see anything wrong. The class were all listening, and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. He leant against the back wall to listen to what was going on.
"And so as you can see, just a simple identify spell will show up as blue if the object in question has not undergone any advanced... oink."
Without any warning McGonagall disappeared and was replaced by a tartan coloured pig. The third year who was sitting closest to the front just casually waved his wand and the pig was replaced by McGonagall.
"... advanced transfiguration," she continued. "Green will indicate that something has been done that will require more detailed identification, and of course as we already know the red colour..."
This time there was a splat from the side of the room and one of the pupils turned into a goldfish. McGonagall just continued talking and at the same time waved her wand to restore him.
"... will mean that what you see is not the least energy state and so is most likely an indicator that the object in question should be of a dramatically different size."
"Excuse me Professor," Percy interrupted, moving towards the front of the classroom, "but what on Earth is going on in here. I was watching very carefully and nobody is performing any of those transfiguration spells. That should be impossible!"
McGonagall sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose.
"I haven't been able to find anyone who knows what spellwork went on in this room during the battle. All we could find were a pile of death-eater masks and a couple of rather large spiders. It didn't take long to get those... removed. It doesn't seem to be dangerous in any way so we have decided to use this while my room is being repaired."
"Repaired? There was nothing there! What is left of it is now inside a charms classroom!"
"A few quick spells and it will be as good as new. That won't be a problem."
Percy scribbled something on his parchment.
"I suppose you don't have any idea how long these unusual effects will last?"
"Well Ragthal's theory of magical energy conservation..."
"You don't need to quote Ragthal's Laws Professor," Percy interrupted, "but assuming you don't know exactly what spells were used in the first place you could only be sure that the effects will drop by a third, in a third of the time to the next lunar eclipse. That's not really very useful..."
"Percy," said McGonagall, "just sort James out back there would you? A simple finite will do fine. He seems to have turned into a goose."
After righting the afflicted student, and not wanting to be turned into a really awkward animal, Percy ran.
Dinner had already started in the Great Hall by the time Percy had arrived. He stumbled down onto the first empty seat on the Gryffindor table and nursed the cut on his face. Everyone forgot to tell him of the one specific corridor that the suits of armour had decided to attack anyone who walked down it. It was only then that he noticed the oddities of what were around him.
Usually at meal times the food was piled all over the tables and people could grab as much as they wanted until eating time was over and the food disappeared. This time however there was almost no food at all. He focused on a bowl of carrots just in front of him, and no sooner had he looked at it, it vanished.
"Hey," Dean shouted at him. "I was going to get some of those."
"Percy," offered Neville, "the trick is to not make eye contact. If you think you can see something you want, go for it and hope for the best. It is easier to put something back than to catch something. Isn't that right Ron?"
Ron was waiting with his hand held over the table. "Hermoine?" he asked.
"Five seconds Ron, and just a bit to your left."
Ron moved his hand just a little bit to the left and counted down from five. When he reached zero, he made a grab at the air and just as his hand closed, a giant bowl of roast potatoes appeared.
"Jackpot! Hermione you're fantastic! See that Percy. Hermione is the only person in here who has it all figured out."
"Really Ron," Hermione spoke up, her plate piled with all the food she wanted, "it is just a simple pattern based on the expansion of the Fibonacci series. My guess is that whatever happened in here involved a tri-location spell. The ceiling must have acted as an amplifier. It is the only thing in here with enough energy to do that."
Ron just looked blank. "Whatever you say Hermione. Just when exactly is the gravy going to appear?"
"Not for just over six minutes I'm afraid. You just missed it."
Percy spotted a bowl of trifle in front of him, but he was far too slow to grab it. Dean chuckled.
"Good luck with that one. Only Hermione has had trifle in days. The most difficult of the lot to catch that one."
After a few more minutes of grasping at air and nobody sharing anything with him, Percy left the table to find some food that didn't move about.
It was late evening when Percy met up with the Minister of Magic and Professor McGonagall in her office to discuss the results of the inspection. Percy handed his papers over to his boss, and started to explain.
"Minister, Hogwarts has failed on every account! I didn't see one classroom or corridor all day that could be considered safe, and I seriously doubt that anyone will be learning anything..."
"Weatherby listen," the Minister interrupted. "why do you think I ordered this inspection?"
"It's Weasley sir. I guess because you care about the safety of the school and the well-being..."
The Minister snorted. "We have just won a fantastic victory on the very grounds of Hogwarts! People from all over the world will be wanting to send their children here. I wanted an inspection so that we could publish something in the paper about what a fantastic school this is."
"But sir, it is unsafe!"
"Minor details," he waved his hand around aimlessly, "the Daily Prophet can spin an article whichever way we want it to go. I'll just tell them to write what a wonderful place this is, and whatever unfortunate effects are left over from the conflict will be sorted out very soon."
Percy's eye twitched.
"So," Percy asked, "there was no point in me making this review at all?"
"Not really no," the Minister smiled.
For a second it looked as though Percy was going to lunge for the Minister, but instead he settled for storming out of the room. He would have slammed the door, but it had not been fixed from last time.
As soon as Percy had reached the bottom of the staircase, McGonagall turned to the Minister.
"Thank you Tonks, that was most appreciated."
The Minister's hair gradually changed to pink, and his face changed shortly afterwards until it was now Tonks that was standing there. With a quick flick of her wand, her clothes transfigured from the Minister's and back into her own.
"Don't worry about it Professor. He certainly didn't look too pleased."
McGonagall shook her head. "He really needs to relax a little. I'll just get these papers changed and sent off to the Minister. Nobody can close down Hogwarts!"
A/N: Thanks to those people who gave me ideas for what to do this chapter. There is a possibility that I will write something else like this in the future because randomly writing about chaos was a lot of fun! Thanks for reading!
(Now review or The General will eat you)