Disclaimer: Don't own, didn't happen, don't sue. :D


I stared at the blank paper before me. I wanted to draw, to take my mind off of what I had just seen. After coming home from school, I had walked into the room I shared with Mikey to find him, well, entwined in someone's arms. Another guy to be exact. It was just so foreign, so wrong, so...exciting? No. No no no. I am not gay. I am straight as an arrow. I've had girlfriends before, I look at Playboys for god's sake. I am fucking straight. What the hell am I thinking, of course I'm straight. I'm just shook up about what I just saw,

Needless to say, it was a shocker. Just thinking about it made me angry.

"What the fuck?!" I screamed, ripping Mikey away. Mikey tried to stop me, but I nailed the kid right in the face. "What the HELL are you doing to my little brother?!" I threw him out of the room, and continued to beat on him. Finally we made it to the door. I tore it open, tossing the kid out as hard as I could.

"GERARD, STOP!" Mikey shouted, trying to hurt me with his weak punches. I didn't care. I smashed a vase and watched the kid run from our house. Mikey took off after him, stumbling sobbing like a baby.

I know Mikey is going to be pissed, I know he'll want to say something to me, but I don't want to talk about it. I locked myself in my room, blasting the stereo and trying to distract myself. Every time I tried to sketch something the horrible image of Mikey and the other guy flashed into his mind.

"FUCK!" I shouted, tearing everything of my bed and practically breaking a lamp.

There was a thunderous pounding on the door, "GERARD! Open the fucking door! GERARD! We need to talk about what just happened! Damn it Gerard! OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!" it was Mikey.

"Go away Mikey. I don't want to talk about it. This is fucking weird! Go away. JUST GO!" I shouted, my throat throbbing in pain and tears forming in my eyes. I heard Mikey whimper and pound on the door once more, finally admitting defeat. I love my brother, but I didn't know if I can handle this. I had always thought Mikey was different from everyone else, but that's why I love him. We grew up best friends, we told each other everything. He's always been there for me, and I've been there for him. But for him to go and do that, well that was just weird.


"Damn it Gerard, what the hell's your problem?!" I cried sliding down against the wall. I didn't know he would freak out that bad. I had kept Jon a secret from him for 2 months, but I thought of all people he would understand. I was planning on telling him about it eventually, it was never supposed to happen like this. Tears gushed down my face as I thought of what to do. I needed to talk to Gerard, but he wouldn't open the door and look at my face, let alone talk to me.

I jumped up, remembering mom had a key to our room somewhere around here. I dug through every drawer in the house until I found it. Pressing my ear against the door, to see if Gerard was still ranting, I slowly unlocked the door and walked into the room.

His head snapped up immediately and he stared at me eyes full of confusion, fear, sadness, and anger. I made my way over to his bed, noticing the whole room was a disaster area.

"Gerard," I started, talking as softly as I could. "I am really upset about what just happened. I mean everything, not just you throwing out Jon, but you finding out about everything this way. I never meant for this to happen. I'm sorry." I put my arm around him gently, trying to get him to look at me.

He pushed me arm away, and after several minutes he finally looked up, "Mikey. I love you, you know that, and I'm sorry that I hurt you by throwing him out but, that scared me. I never want to hurt you, but I'm so...confused. Why would you do that? You had girlfriends before! What happened to you?! Why can't you just be normal?"

Gerard's words cut deep and I started crying. I turned and wiped away the tears as quickly as I could. I know he didn't mean for it to come out like that, but I still wouldn't let him know how much that hurt. I stood up and walked over to my bed, turning around to face him.

"You know, I never asked to be like this. I never wanted to be different. I get pushed around enough as it is. Do you know how long I've fought this!? How many times I thought 'Why can't I just be normal?!' But I've accepted it Gerard. This is who I am. I love Jon. If you can't see past your fucking ignorance, then fuck you!" It was so hard to talk to Gerard like that. I always thought he would understand, that he would accept me for who I was. But here he was, being a close-minded ignorant ass. I collapsed into bed, pulling the covers high over my face, never wanting to see Gerard again.

The room was quiet for an hour. The only noise breaking the silence was my occasional sobs. Eventually I heard Gerard get up and leave. He's probably going to go get drunk like he always does when there's a problem. I thought he would understand, that he would accept me. But he was being the biggest fucking hypocrite on the planet. Everything he sings about, everything he says he believes, just went right down the drain.

A/N: This is one of my first fanfics, please review it and tell me what you think!