Title: "Whatever Happened To Predictability?"

Author: Mike Pulgoni, Prince of Wales

Disclaimer: You know the drill.

Rating: T.

Author's Notes: The following narrative is period point blank, a crossover between Law & Order S V U and Full House. And, despite what that set-up might lead to think, it is neither a comedy nor a parody... although their are some jabs here and there at the cast and crew of the latter. What this is is a study of the nature of repression, and hopefully a fairly believable case for the crew of the Special Victims Unit.

I'd like to thank the good people at Wikipedia for helping me fake through knowledge of a show I haven't seen since I was eight.


"Anyway," Dan Nakamura began in a scholarly tone,"I put down three hundred bucks, thought it was a sure bet."

Paul Huston looked at him like he was insane. "On the Pirates?"

"Yeah," Dan nodded.

Paul remained unswayed. "To... win?"

"They win sometimes," Dan defended weakly.

"Yeh... and sometimes a comet hits the Earth, but that don't make it a sure bet," he sneered.

The two of them had been working together for years now and had been friends long before that. Even though Paul always felt he was at his best when he was flying solo (whether he was playing basketball or chatting up girls), everyone had always seen them as a team. They were always "Paul and Dan" and he could never go anywhere alone with being asked why Dan wasn't with him.

Paul was starting to get sick of it.

"The Pirates can win," Dan insisted. "They won a game last week."

Paul was unconvinced. Worse still, he had spent the whole shift (a graveyard shift, no less) listening to Dan's absurd bull and now he was going to be hearing it all the way back to their conveniently neighboring apartments. Some day very soon he was going to have strike out on his own again.

"Look," Paul said finally. "It's a nothing team. They had their time and it's gone. Pittsburgh should just lose the team and devote all that money to the Steelers..." he cracked a mocking smile. "At least they've won a game in the last decade."

Then he realized Dan had stopped walking. More amazingly, he had stopped talking.

"What's up?" Paul asked cautiously.

Then Paul saw it for himself.

"Oh god..."


"Body was found this morning by two city workers," Officer Okano explained. "Caucasian female, 21 years old."

Stabler nodded grimly, he tried not to think about his daughters. "You got an I.D. yet?"

Okano nodded. "Perp left her wallet, driver's license, probably all the cash she had... this was definitely personal."

Stabler took the proffered driver's license and examined it coldly.

"Michelle Tanner... San Francisco, California," Okano supplied. "List of priors is pretty much what you'd expect... solicitation, possessions, petty theft."

Stabler didn't even have to ask why this case went to him and not homicide. The body answered that question well enough.

"I guess she didn't find what she was looking for," Okano said with the quivering remorse of the rookie.

"Or it found her," Stabler said coldly.