Hello everyone! I tried doing something a little out of my way for once. I really have enjoyed writing this one. The chapters are going to be a lot shorter than the ones for the Voyage of the Basset crossover, so they're going to come out more often. This thing is mainly fluff (I think;) but if you're looking for plotline, there might be a little of that too.

DISCLAIMER: Heheheeheheheeeeee! You people really believe I own Artemis Fowl OR Loveless?! cracks up in a corner Well, I don't. If I did, tho'... I'll let your dirty little imaginations run wild there.

Celestine: Even though your thoughts are actually much worse than anything THESE sheltered children could think of.

Nade: I thought you were asleep!

Cel: I woke up, dobe. Ooooooh, smut.

Nade: It's NOT SMUT! It's fluff.

Cel: Same thing. Starts picking up random objects and putting them where they don't belong just to mess with people

Nade: Just let the people read.

Cel: They better review. Otherwise you and I will have to crack open their skulls. hefts the axe/spear she found in the living room with a maniacal grin

Everyone: o.0 twitch

Artemis Fowl Loveless crossover

Interdimensional Experimentation and Toast

Chapter 1: Sparkless

A pale, dark-haired boy sat alone in a vast, unused study. No lights were on for fear that someone would unwittingly discover what he was doing. And that would be very bad. That was because he didn't want his new younger siblings and least of all, his parents walking in. They wouldn't really understand what he was doing, anyway. He was practising his magic, as he always did right around this time of day. Artemis twitched a finger on his left hand and sure enough, there were the little blue lights that he had become so well acquainted with. Now to control them better. Without actually creating a new spark or moving, Artemis pulled it from his pointer finger to his middle finger. It was harder than it sounded, because magic was a force of the mind, not something that could manually be moved. It took a lot of concentration to keep it the same size, move it, and not release even the slightest more amount than necessary. But Artemis was a Fowl, so that didn't really matter to him. If only the twins could've seen what their strange older brother could do. His parents, though, would probably dismiss it as seeing things. They were too old to believe in magic.

"I wonder… is it possible…" Artemis muttered to himself. "After all, if time travel is possible, that theoretically means that particular times exist out of the time stream in a separate entity altogether and are thus accessible from the future, which exists as a singular entity…" He fiddled with the spark, making it skip over his ring finger to the pinky, then over to his right hand. "And if something can exist in that state, then thousands of outcomes are possible. If time travel was possible, then someone, anyone at all, could've returned to the past and fiddled with whatever happened then, thus completely changing the future, but because it exists as a separate entity, simply another future branched off from that event, resulting in a world developed in a completely different fashion from our own. Thus, other worlds. It's completely plausible. After all, if magic exists, as it always must've, this is completely possible. The only question left is, is it possible to travel between these worlds…" Artemis pondered this for a few minutes before the small communicator that he had taken to carrying around in his pocket went off.

"Fowl speaking."

"Artemis?" It was Holly. After all, only Holly had that sisterly tone with him.

"What do you want?"

"Jeez, who spit in your bean curd? Listen-"

"Bean Curd?" Artemis raised an eyebrow, even if Holly couldn't see it.

"Sorry. Been watching Disney's Mulan. Stupidest thing I ever watched aside from those Barbie Fairy Princess movies. Still love it, though."

"You watch Barbie Fairy Princess Movies?" Artemis didn't have many times in his life when he wanted to burst out laughing, but now was one of them.

"N- nooo, I just- erm, uh, WILL YOU STOP GETTING ME OFF TOPIC?!"

"Pardon my rudeness. What was it you needed?"

"Just wanna know what you're plotting."

"To send you bean curd and a tutu."

"Shut up. You're always plotting, so what is it this time? And Foaly has almost run out of ideas for inventions. He was so excited to have his precious bottomless funding that he hasn't a clue what to do next."

"Really now?" That surprised him. Foaly definitely was the type to waste all of his ideas in one swell foop, but he usually always just came up with another one. Perhaps the strain was finally showing with their centaur friend after he had been flat-out rejected by his jogging partner.

"For real and for true." He could hear her uniform rustling in two different areas, so he assumed that she was putting her hand over her heart. He was right, even if he didn't know it. " And…."

"And?" prompted Artemis.

"Never mind. It wasn't important. But you still have said nothing useful since I called you."

"I do seem to have a talent for weaseling out of things I don't want to be in, don't I?"

"You absolutely do- hey, HEY! You did it again, you frickin' weasel!"

"Not my fault. You're A.D.D.. But if you truly must know, I'm just practicing magic where no one will walk in on me. I can see why you love it so much."

"Oh, yeah…. That reminds me, how DID things go with your folks when you got home? What happened?"

"Nothing much. Crying, hugging, I have twin younger siblings, many, MANY psychiatry visits…"


"Oh, yes. Did I fail to mention them? Clio and Persephone. I just call Persephone Kore, though."

" …Dear God, there are two more Fowls in the world. And they're both girls?"

"Well, it would be pretty embarrassing if a boy had a name like Kore, wouldn't it?"

"True…" Holly sang. "But then, wouldn't it be pretty embarrassing if a boy had a name like Artemis?"

"I'll hang up."

"EEEP! Don't do that!"

"If you have nothing further to say, I see no reason to continue."

"… That was harsh. I thought we cured you of that."


"Well?" prompted Holly.

"Never mind. It wasn't important." Artemis looked downward at the inside of his left wrist. His magical spark had vanished long ago, but there was something new there as well. He pulled down the sleeve with a pinky finger and stared at the mark. In ridiculously complex lettering, there was a single word.

"Sparkless." Artemis read. What did it mean, to be Sparkless? He created a small spark from his finger. The whole thing seemed contradictory. Why had this mark suddenly appeared? How? Nothing really made much sense anymore. He pulled the sleeve back over the mark and tried to immerse himself in his books. There were a few books he had borrowed permanently without permission from Foaly's workshops on magic. He had hidden them here for his personal use.

The most interesting book so far had to be the immensely thick tome on the theory of dimension travel. It supplied ridiculously complex ideas that supported not only the possible existence of other worlds, but also the possibility of traveling between them with limited powers and resources. It required a strong mind to understand the theories presented, but once again, Artemis had these in excess. It was perfect for him, and the experimental period was coming up soon. Very soon. And, while good for Artemis, would very bad for just about everyone else. As usual.

"Pardon, but did you just say 'Sparkless'?" Artemis almost jumped (or he would've if he'd been any less dignified than usual) at the sound. He had completely forgotten about Holly.


"Uhh… right. Thought not. I must need to clean out my ears or something…" Holly trailed off, sounding a little bit more depressed than she had at first. Artemis didn't know what to make of women, but he knew what he had to do as a friend.

Artemis sighed. " What happened?"

"You-you're recognizing that I have problems… and care enough to address them?" Holly sounded a little tearful. Artemis thought he could feel her glomping him in happiness. "I knew you cared!!!!"

"You're just making fun of me now."

"A little. I was feeling a little under the weather before, but talking to you actually helped. Somethin' new every day. Thanks… Arty."

Artemis smiled a little, even though he knew she was still trying to annoy him some. No one had told him things like that very often, so each time was special. He was horrible when it came to accepting these times, though. "Erm… I think I hear Mother down the hall. I'm going to have to leave you here. My apologies. Send Foaly my condolences with his rejection."

"Ah, well. Duty calls. See ya round Arty."

Holly hung up, but Artemis still had his communicator in the on position for a while. He just sat there, wishing he had managed to say something cooler than faking his Mother's discovery of them. Well, he thought sardonically, in some other dimension I said something really cool and a better future opened up. I just wish that that could've been THIS one.


Artemis had everything in place. This was going to be a very preliminary test of the early stages of his experimentation with other worlds. He expected it to turn out like he had planned, but knew his own karma too well to assume such things, so he had Butler and Juliet stationed right by the door in case of any worst-case scenario. The only thing he would be attempting to do would be calling up something from another world, preferably something harmless and recognizable, like toast. Or a dryer sheet. Toast was the best-case scenario. The worst-case scenario was probably so bad that there was no way to predict that it would be the worst of them all. Thus, the attentive Butlers.

"Alright. Everything is in place Butler, Juliet. Stand by." Artemis called a little. It was a big room.

Artemis closed his eyes and summoned a spark, just a spark, of magic from within him. It came surprisingly easy today, and Artemis had to modify the massive rope of it that came to his gentle call. He manipulated it like the book instructed him to, slowly building up the form it was supposed to take by supplying a constant stream of power all the while controlling what had already left his body. It was very hard, but Artemis was doing it. Juliet stood mesmerized by the blue sparks swirling before her eyes. Butler was only a little less shocked by seeing Artemis work something like this. Holly's magic was practical and somewhat of a one-way street. This was incredible.

Please be toast.

From the form of power in the center of the room, a second beam of blue sparks erupted from its center, passing straight through the wall into the open air and away, not unlike a blue comet in its own fashion.

Artemis felt a muscle in his temple twitch. Why can it never be toast?

However, Artemis's thoughts were interrupted by the dissipating of the sparks on the floor to almost reveal two forms that stood together, one much smaller than the other with a very strangely shaped head. They were even moving a little. Their forms got a little clearer as the sparks began to clear away. People? I summoned… People? Oh, dear. I have no idea how to put them back where they belong without killing them. I just hope they don't really mind that sort of thing. Butler and Juliet dived forward as soon as they regained their senses, taking individual stances to protect Artemis from whoever was standing in the magic circle. At least they actually pay attention to my karma better than I do…Artemis thought before slumping to the floor, completely devoid of any strength.


Ritsuka felt so very odd. It was like being everything and nothing at once. Like being spotless and filthy at the same time. It was indescribable, so his mind made up very strange analogies to take their place. All he could see was blue, blue everywhere but never staying in the same place long enough for his vision to pin it down. It was beautiful, so he was a little sad to see it go. It had made him forget the sadness of everything; of the newest wound his mother had given him, about his dead brother, everything. He was devastated to see it go, and even more so to see what was left in its place.

There was a very dark, stale-looking large room there. He felt a presence beside him that felt a lot like Soubi's but dismissed that as impossible. There was no way that Soubi could've been there with him… unless it was Soubi who had made all the blue light in the first place. That seemed unlikely, as the dreary place he was in now had some very strange people in it.

There was the very large man that looked like his years were getting to him. No ears. That was to be expected. He looked pretty worn out, but still was in some kind of battle pose or whatever. There was another girl there who looked like she was, at the very least, in her last year of high school. No ears. Well, that wasn't as much of a surprise as it could've been. About half of the girls that age at the schools in his area had lost their ears already. He vividly recalled the female Zero pair.

It was the third, much smaller figure that stood out. Even though it looked as though he had collapsed, it was easy enough to see him. He looked to be no older than 13 or 14, only a year or two older than Ritsuka. And he had no ears to speak of, either.

Ritsuka's eyes rolled up in shock and he fell against a comforting, warm figure before blacking out entirely.


Soubi was shocked to see someone so young with no ears as the other, vampiric-looking boy who was almost out cold. Ritsuka must've been too, because at that point, his eyes had rolled up and he had collapsed as well. Soubi was delighted to have this chance to touch Ritsuka intimately, but it would've been nicer if Ritsuka had been conscious. Or not, seeing as Soubi probably would've been yelled at, called a pervert, and abandoned. Okay, unconscious was better.

"We don't have any intentions of hurting anyone. Don't bother with getting all ready to fight."

The man and the woman seemed to understand him and their stances relaxed a little. Soubi was pleased to see that they were still on guard, particularly the man. They seemed enough like combat-hardened veterans that they knew not to trust the promises of a strange person. Soubi turned downward to check Ritsuka. With any luck, he would wake up in a few minutes.

"Are we permitted to ask where this place is?" Soubi asked. "And why doesn't that child have ears?" He pointed at the slumped Artemis.

Artemis raised his head wearily in response. "L- let me explain a bit. This… is… an error on my part, in truth."

"Error?" Soubi asked.

"Frankly, I'm amazed you speak our language."

"Just how far from Japan are we? And you still haven't answered my question about the ears." Soubi said.

"We have a country in this dimension called Japan, as well. As for the ears… No one in this dimension has them. And if you are looking for ears, why not question Butler or Juliet? They have none either. And where, may I ask, are yours?"

"Gone years ago. And I didn't ask your companions because they are old enough not to have them. And you seem to be saying that he and I are in another dimension just now?" Soubi said.

"Correct." Artemis said. "I am Artemis Fowl. This is Butler on my left, Juliet Butler on my right. Pleased to meet you."

"I am Agatsuma Soubi. Soubi is acceptable. This is Aoyagi Ritsuka-kun. It may be more appropriate to call him Ritsuka-kun."

"Honorifics…" muttered Artemis. "What is wrong with… Ritsuka-kun?"

"He was shocked to see someone as young as you with no ears or tail. I must say, it gave me a bit of a turn at first as well. That, or dimensional travel doesn't agree with him." Soubi said, looking down at Ritsuka, who gave a tiny sound to show he was waking a little. "Have a chair or sofa or bed on hand?"

"You have no idea." Artemis smiled a little. "Juliet, see that our temporary guests have a place to stay that won't arouse suspicion from Mother or Father. And ESPECIALLY out of the reach of the twins."

"Yessir!" Juliet saluted with her left hand and turned on her high-heeled shoes, not really waiting for Soubi to catch up. As it happened, she didn't need to. "This way, keep up, we're moving, we're moving…. If you'll look on your left you'll see…" Juliet's fading voice seemed to be having a great time playing the tour guide to people who had no idea what was going on. Perhaps she had a slight superiority complex. But that was a thought for another day.

Butler motioned to take Artemis aside for a moment. "Did you see?"

"Yes, Butler, I saw very well. Our guest Ritsuka-kun has at least one visible cut on his face and his right hand is very heavily bandaged. I suspect he has other wounds on his body that we can't see. Did you notice? Ritsuka-kun wears slightly thicker, baggier clothing than Soubi does. Going by what Soubi wears, Ritsuka should be in short sleeves. I imagine he doesn't want to because it may expose other wounds. I don't think he's a fighter though. I don't get that feeling from him at all, at the risk of sounding like a cheap psychic. I believe that Soubi is the fighter. And a very strong one as well. Was there anything else?" Artemis said.

"I am a little worried about the boy's - Ritsuka-kun's, you said it was? - ears. He has a cat tail as well. It's 2007. We have trouble hiding something like that from your parents, and I'm not even getting into what people might say on the streets. What can we do about those? A hat won't hide everything." Butler looked very worried. He had seen fairies and trolls and kleptomaniac dwarves, but never a 12-year-old with cat ears, a tail, and inexplicable wounds.

"We'll find a way around that small problem. We always do."

"What are we going to do when Holly finds out?" Butler asked.

Artemis shuddered visibly. "Er… Let us just pray that we won't need to consult her on this one."

"When did you start believing in religion?" Butler asked.

"I believe in religion?"


Ya done? Coolio! Hope you liked it enough to read the other chapters. I just got Cel to go back to sleep, so you're not in any immediate danger, but you probably should review anyway. I'm sure you're tired of reading that, but I mean it.

BTW, Celestine-chan is my perverted other personality. Don't mind her too much, she can't do anything except make me click on M-rated fanfiction by 'accident'. I mean, CLEAN YOUR MIND OF UNWHOLESOME IMAGES! KILL YOUR PERVERSION!!!

(What do we do with hentais?

Villagers: BURN THEM!!!!!!

or...we could build a bridge out of 'em?

ahh, but can you not ALSO build bridges out of bishies?

...oh yeah...

tell me, do hentai's float?

LET'S FIND OUT!) ...sorry, monty python is much funnier at 12:23 at night. Morning. Whatever.