Disclaimer: I don't own Mario, the plots featured in the series' games, nor the characters and most of the locations mentioned. I do own the name and portrayal of Bowser's wife in this fic, both of which I came up with years ago (before I ever heard of fanfiction. net), along with a few other minor OCs (i.e. Bowser's parents, who's names aren't original). So, if any of my characters or plot devises are similar to ones you came up with and/or published, it's not my fault.

Author's Note: Like many Mario fans, I've often dwelt on Bowser's murky family life, and since 2006, I've spent a lot of my time making up a nice convoluted backstory for both the Koopas and their elusive Queen. This fic encompasses or addresses much of it. It was originally published in 2007, and has been continually revised as I continue to alter and expand my version of the Marioverse. The current version was proofed in the summer of 2010, in honor of the impending completion of the final story of the Super Koopa trilogy, to which The Queen of the Koopas is the prequel.

Rated T for violence and minor sexuality.

The Queen of the Koopas

"Here we are! Home sweet home, doncha think Princess?"

"Ugh, for the last time, NO!"

It was a day like any other in Koopa Castle as Bowser jovially marched through the main hallway with Princess Peach in tow. After being kidnapped hundreds of times over the last few years on almost a weekly basis, Peach had grown quite used to the whole affair. No longer did she scream herself hoarse on the flight from the Mushroom Kingdom to Bowser's Castle in the heart of the Koopa Kingdom. No longer did she writhe about in Bowser's grasp as he lugged her around his home. No longer did she spend her visits gazing forlornly out her barred window, hoping that her hero Mario would be able to save her.

Why? Because Mario always won, just like Bowser always kidnapped Peach; there was no point in worrying herself silly over the plumber or his brother coming to rescue her. Just like there was no point wailing and pleading for help in Bowser's Clown Cart, high above the mountains of Dark Land: no one could possibly hear her besides her captor. While he deserved to get a headache for all the trouble he caused, it was hardly worth the sore throat Peach developed giving him one. It was just an inconvenience for both of them, just like it was an inconvenience for Peach to force Bowser to sling her over his shoulder and carry her wherever he needed her to go. Instead, she took to walking beside Bowser of her own accord.

Although, sometimes she worried that she was giving Bowser the wrong idea by behaving. After all, just because Peach cooperated with the Koopa King and tried to enjoy herself during her stays at his castle, in no way did she enjoy being captured. She often tried to explain to Bowser that if he just invited her over, she would be more than happy to come, but he always rebuked her, saying either her overprotective aide-de-camp Toadsworth, her neurotic aid Toad, or the Mario bros. would stop her. Bowser had a point, but Peach would remind him that if he had been polite from the beginning then her friends wouldn't oppose her visits to the Koopa Kingdom. He would then remind her that he was an EVIL king, not a polite king, and leave it at that. So Peach gave up on arguing with Bowser as well.

Still, despite their long history, Peach was hoping Bowser might turn over a new leaf after all he, Peach and the Mario bros. went through recently. The four of them had teamed up and saved all the worlds from complete and utter destruction by the heartbroken Count Bleck, and then by his traitorous and creepy jester-like minion Dimentio. It wasn't the first time Bowser fought on the side of good; a couple years ago he had teamed up with Peach, Mario and some other folks to defeat a man named Smithy, who was invading the Mushroom Kingdom from another dimension. That time, Bowser helped them to reclaim his stolen castle and troops (who had been captured by Smithy); but against Bleck and Dimentio, it was different.

Many worlds and many lives were in danger of being wiped out of existence, and while Bowser disguised his choices with bravado and posturing, he knew what was at stake and did the right thing. He saved Peach, Mario and Luigi on many occasions, and nearly gave his life, not only for them, but for one of their enemies as well. He did it out of honor, and Peach knew he cared for her at the very least. She hoped the whole experience had truly made him a better person, but to her dismay, Bowser's change of heart was short-lived. So, needless to say, she wasn't nearly as cheery about returning to Koopa Castle as he was.

"Aww come on Princess, I though you'd be glad to be back!" said Bowser, grinning.

"Then you're delusional!" snapped Peach, making her way up the stairs behind Bowser.

"Tisk tisk, it's not nice to go biting your husband's head off, Peach," smirked Bowser, waggling his finger at the Princess as he reached the landing.

"I'M NOT YOUR WIFE!" exclaimed Peach. In order to destroy the worlds, Count Bleck had needed a thing called the Chaos Heart, and to create that, he forcefully married Peach and Bowser. While Bowser had been quite happy about the arrangement, Peach only said "I do" whilst under the hypnotic power of Bleck's assistant Nastasia. Peach had already told Bowser multiple times that the marriage wasn't official, but as always, he refused to listen.

"You're just saying that," chuckled Bowser.

"No I'm not! We've been through this! That sham meant nothing!"

"Oh really, if the marriage wasn't real, then why did the Chaos Heart appear?" said Bowser, smirking over his shoulder at Peach.

"Uh, well, maybe in Bleck's dimension it was real, but not around here," stammered Peach. She had never really considered that, and until now, Bowser hadn't brought it up.

"It doesn't matter where we are now, what matters is where we were when the ceremony took place. If that kind of marriage is valid in Bleck's world, then we were actually married and that means we still are married – here, there and everywhere! Bwa ha ha!"

"But we didn't even kiss after the 'I do's," said Peach.

"Doesn't matter, here in Dark Land we don't even say 'I do'," said Bowser airily.

"But I was hypnotized, it wasn't consensual. Come on Bowser, be reasonable!" moaned Peach.

"Don't vorry Princess, Fazzer knows just as vell as you do zat zee marriage vasn't valid."

Peach and Bowser jumped. They had reached Peach's normal guestroom only to find Bowser's eldest son, Ludwig Von Koopa, leaning on the doorframe and scowling at his father.

"Ludwig? What are you doing here?" demanded Bowser.

"Vaiting for you," responded Ludwig, standing up straight.

"Why?" asked Bowser, eyeing his son suspiciously.

"Because zee uzzer Koopalings and I have had enough of all zis idiocy," growled Ludwig.

Peach stared at Ludwig. Usually Bowser's kids gave him a wide birth, and had she not witnessed it with her own eyes, Peach would never had believed one of them would so blatantly stand up to him. Not to mention the fact that Ludwig had just insulted the Koopa King to his face – the last guy that did that was dead. Peach turned and looked at Bowser; she was worried about what he would do this time, but he was just as surprised as Peach. He moved his mouth a couple times as if trying to say something, but words seemed to have failed him.

Having seen the impact of his words, Ludwig continued. "Kidnapping zee princess is vone sing, but making fun of zat 'marriage' is going too far. It is no laughing matter, and teasing Peach about it just makes you look stupid."

"Now you wait a minute-" started Bowser, narrowing his eyes in anger.

"No," said Ludwig, cutting his father off. "I vill not vait – you should be glad Peach did not consent to zee arrangement of her own free vill."

"Why?" asked Peach, hoping her interjection would spare Ludwig a horrible and fiery fate, courtesy of his father.

"Because, even though zat marriage didn't follow Dark Land customs, as Fazzer said, as long as it vas valid vere it vas done, zee coupling must be recognized everyvere else as vell-"

"Oh, so you were eavesdropping on us were you?" interrupted Bowser, a wisp of smoke escaping his nostrils.

"Hallvay conversations are not private," smirked Ludwig. "But as I vas saying, zee only exception to zee rule is an instance in vich one or more of zee affected individuals does not and/or never vanted to be a part of zee marriage. After all, zee ancient Law of Free Will prohibits and invalidates all non-consensual marriages."

"I know that," growled Bowser. "And I think you're overreacting-"

"Vell vee sink you're under-reacting!"

"I still don't understand why Bowser should be glad the marriage isn't real," said Peach, sensing a major argument on the horizon.

"Because, zee Law of Fidelity clearly states zat if any member of zee royal family is found guilty of polygamy, zey are to be stripped of zeir title."

A heavy silence fell. Peach looked from Ludwig to Bowser. The Koopaling was regarding his father with an iciness Peach had never imagined he could muster. On the other hand, Bowser's face was a strange mix between anger, and a sadness the likes of which Peach had never seen in him before.

But the pain in Bowser's expression didn't last long. "What are you playing at?" he growled at Ludwig, his eyes flashing dangerously.

"Sree years!" shouted Ludwig suddenly. "She's been gone sree years and you've done nossing! Nossing except try to erase her! So vat am I playing at? Vat are YOU playing at!"

"You're outta line Ludwig!" spat Bowser. "You have no idea what you're talking about!"

"Do I?" hissed Ludwig, "How do you sink vee Koopalings feel? She vas our muzzer! Just because you vere heartbroken doesn't mean you can just abandon us to our own means! Junior doesn't even know her name, since you forbade us from telling him anysing! Vee've put up vit zee neglect long enough! Zis close call proved it! You've done no good by leaving it all up in zee air!"

Bowser looked like he had half a mind to murder Ludwig on the spot. "What the He-"

"Now wait just a minute there, Bowser," piped up Peach, stepping between the King of the Koopas and his son. "I would like some answers too. For one thing, is Ludwig talking about your wife?"

Bowser paused, looking first at Peach and then at Ludwig. He closed his eyes and sighed heavily. It was obviously a sensitive subject for him, and Peach felt a twinge of pity for the Koopa King. Bowser looked back up and opened his mouth to explain himself when the door to Peach's room was blown from its hinges by a wave of scarlet fire.

Ludwig was still standing in front of the room and the splintered wood and blazing flames sent him flying across the hall with a yelp of pain.

"Ludwig!" gasped Bowser as his eldest child hit the floor and lay in a crumpled heap, gripping his face with blistering fingers.

"Oh my goodness!" gasped Peach, rushing over to help Ludwig with Bowser hot on her heels, neither paying attention to the one responsible for the incident.

Unfortunately for Bowser, from Mario's point of view in the ruined doorway, it looked like the King of the Koopas was chasing the Princess.

"Oh no you don't-a-Bowser!" shouted Mario, sending another wave of fireballs flying from his fingers.

"What the?- Ahhhhh!" screamed Bowser as he was broadsided by the flames, which flung him into the wall, and through the window therein.

"Fazzer!" shouted Ludwig, his bloody face aghast.

"Bowser!" cried Peach, looking back over her shoulder in horror.

"AHHHHHH!" screamed Bowser as the spiked ground rushed up to meet him.