"The Angst Fairy" Presents


I walk down the halls of Roscoe High every day looking for you. I know that even when I can't find you that you've found me, and you are standing in one of the corners hoping I will not be able to figure out which direction you are in. The journey is senseless. No matter how many times we connect, the next day comes empty. But I see through you.

There are two guys in my life already. A radio maniac and a complete goof. Neither of them will ever warm up to you like I have been trying because they are used to the three of us being exclusive in our friendship. But I want to break away from them if it means I can get another hint at how to enter your life effectively.

It has nothing to do with you being the new kid, trust me, that is not even enough to be called the beginning of my interest. I can see your intensity. I know you are weird like nobody at this school will ever understand. You just have to trust my intentions. This is not some fan girl leeching off the mystery vibe. I'm the real deal.

You seem like the type that would work well with musicians. It's really just a vibe I get off you. Nothing in particular inspires me to believe this, but maybe it is the fact that my guitar is my favorite possession that aides my hope that you are into music. There are other things we could talk about too, if music isn't enough for you.

That look you gave me the other day will never leave my mind. It was like you actually saw something in me that I am oblivious to, but you don't want to elaborate because it would break this cover you have of staying alone. I know you don't really want to go on like that either. You just do it because it is a new school and whatever social status you choose is basically yours to keep as long as you can maintain the reputation you start off with.

Nothing will ever fool me as long as it involves you. Every time I catch my daily glimpse it is clear that anything I want to know I can find out if I refuse to give up. You could tell me off if you wanted, but you are not tough enough to even dream of doing so. That is something I can confidently say. Having a girl practically following you in a simple form of stalking is not something that you see as intimidating. Life intrigues you, so my interest is just some new game you like sampling enough to come back for the demo every so often. Some days you feel like coming out to play and other days you'd rather be a shadow that hides without wanting anyone to try for the seek. You probably don't want to be found because you fear I'll find out you can't count to ten. But that's ridiculous, because you probably can count to infinity in more languages than I know exist.

Opening a locker is a simple task, but I always take at least three tries with mine. I give this fact full credit in meeting you. Running late was in my favor when it meant bumping into you. Literally. Which one of us was more shocked? I'm not sure. You hadn't interacted with any other student yet, and being forced into it by knocking my books away was probably your nightmare for at least a week. Then I bet it turned into a dream because you realized I wanted to talk to you more, and I am not going to give in like you want me to. Run all you want. Hell, hide too. Whichever suits you, because one day you'll want me.

I transferred into three of your classes. It took me two weeks to discover what your schedule was, but I did my best to adjust mine. Now you'll be forced to look at me, maybe even sit next to me, and on a good day when the sunshine is leaking into the classroom...you'll even get partnered with me. Then I'll blow off my friends to follow you home and somehow meet the people responsible for giving you your first breath. That will be the day I break the social barriers and crack your shell. Ray and Robbie can go love on each other for all I care. No girl named Lily Randall is going to lend her lips to them for entertainment. For you, I might make an exception.

Don't even think for a second to mend those words. There is ice to be broken and in Canada when the ice melts there is not much you can do to reverse the process. Move all you want, I'll be on a plane the next day. This is the end, isn't it? I watched the chick flicks, and I know how this works. We move into this vicious cycle of romance and then something tragic breaks us up for all of two seconds before the happy ending comes. That's all crazy actually. I don't want no fucking wedding bells here. I just want to chill with a wise guy, and break way from that norm that eats away at originality. You can inspire me. Then we can take off to the city and land me a contract. I'll sing my heart out and you'll play with the soundboards behind the real producer's back. When the song comes out they will wonder where all that amazing technique came from and never know it was you.

We could meet for ice cream after school. I'll sit it one corner of the store, and you in the other. We'll face each other so we can stare as we lick away at the creamy ice that we want to have melt only once its reached our insides. A silent contest can take place. Which one of us can down the treat first? Whoever wins gets to be on top.

You can take off the costume already. It's hardly October, and even if it was there is no way you celebrate such foolishness. Candy to you is just another addiction that can be avoided by getting a real hobby, which I wouldn't mind if you used me for. You could come over to my basement, fiddle with my guitar strings, even pop in some random movie for the kicks. Give me a coffee and I'll pull an all nighter and make it worth the while.

Singing may not be in your talent list but I'll listen to you anyway. I can see what you want and that is something I can give you. Everything I see when I look at you is everything I wish I was. It's the truth behind all the world's chaos. We have to find that one person we can connect with and keep them. Not to defy them or abuse them, and then convince them marriage isn't the worst form of hell on Earth even when we are not so sure ourselves.

I want you to talk to me. I want you to tell me you feel this all like I've felt it and that you are done with the lame running away. Every day you want to study me, and I you. There is no hiding in closets. I'll throw away the key after I've gotten inside with you. Swallow it maybe. Teach me what a broom closet means to you. Send an egg down a window sill and its likely to crack if your name isn't Ed or Ted so dream on and get a clue of what reality is because I want you to want me like I want you and that is why want is such a dangerous word for us to use.