AN: I don't own Star Wars, I think we all know that. Well, here's my second awkward attempt to write an erotic fic, which was partly a response to a challenge to write a fic that began with the sentence, "I have a confession to make." I originally posted it some time ago, but after receiving some very helpful criticism, I decided to revise it. Hopefully it's a little less awkward now than it was before. If anyone wants to read the original version, PM me and I'll send it to you.
"Fate of a Gold Bikini"
"I have a confession to make."
The words had emerged from Leia's mouth so quickly and so suddenly that Han wondered if they were intended to be heard. He was sitting on the edge of his bunk, soon to be their bunk, dressed only in his underwear, anxiously awaiting the moment when Leia would take off that long forest green robe . . . at long last. Four years after they met, it was finally happening – the very thought was still difficult to believe.
"Han?" she said, giving no indication that she was ready to remove her robe. "Are you listening?"
"Sure, sweetheart," Han said quickly. "What sorta confession?"
Leia wrung her hands, her fingers sliding against each other. "Well...I'm not really sure where to start..."
Han clasped his hands and rested his chin on them. "I got plenty of time - so long as you gimmie what I want afterward."
The princess wrinkled her thin eyebrows, seemingly appalled by the request even though it was what they were planning. Han heard her breath growing louder; her legs were twitching as if they were aching to pace. "Well first of all . . . I've never done this before."
Han shrugged. "Well I've never done it with you, so this'll be an adventure for both of us." He laughed slightly, hoping to dissipate any anxiety she might have about being a virgin, then finding that he didn't care one way or the other about her past love life.
Leia smiled very briefly, but Han could tell that something was still troubling her. She stood quietly for several moments, staring into his eyes as if trying to communicate without words. Han struggled to decipher what she might be trying to convey, but found her as difficult to read as she had been on the day they met.
"Look, Leia," he finally said, "if you've changed your mind, that's fine. We don't have to do this tonight."
"It's not that," said Leia, continuing to stare at him. "Han..." she forced out, "...remember Jabba's palace?"
Remember Jabba's palace? What kind of question was that? How could she possibly think that he would forget Jabba's palace (much as he would like to)? "Er...course I do. Pretty well actually, considerin' that I was blind."
"Yes...you were blind," Leia said with an unexpected amount of volume, her cheeks flushing slightly. "So you didn't see . . . what he did to me . . ."
"I know what he did to ya," Han said a little too quickly, trying to ignore the sudden lurch his stomach gave. The humiliation Leia had endured to rescue him was still fresh in his mind, still resting in his soul. She had told him several times not to worry about it, but he couldn't bring himself to obey that request. Leia as Jabba's concubine – it made him sick. Though she hadn't been there long enough for him to actually do anything with her, the thought of what could have happened was enough to nauseate him.
Leia inhaled loudly through her nose. "You know . . . but you didn't see it."
"Uh...yeah?" Han briefly wondered if Leia was losing it. Was she reminiscing about Jabba's palace in order to get out of their plan? If that was so, why wasn't she saying straight out that he wasn't ready? Did she still not trust him enough to understand?
Leia was running her fingers together. "I told you all that I threw . . . that outfit away."
"And who can blame ya?" Han said uneasily, finding that keeping a casual tone in his voice was getting difficult. He tried not to imagine the bikini she had described to him, tried not to remember the slight jealousy he had felt upon learning that her body had been exposed to everyone but him, but he felt animal instincts once more creeping unwelcomely through him. Even now, the imagined picture of what he hadn't seen gnawed at his senses. He squeezed his thighs together in an attempt to ease his burning loins.
Leia's fingers were climbing up the edges of her robe. "Well...I lied. I wanted to throw it away...but then I thought of you..."
Before Han could even comprehend her last statement, her hands gripped her robe and in one quick move threw it off, revealing what she was wearing underneath.
Han's mouth dried, his skin clammed up, his thighs tightened to their limit. It was nothing like his fantasies...it was far more gorgeous. The bikini glimmered, reflecting the light in the room – it looked like it was made of the purest gold to be found on any planet. It barely concealed the peaks of her breasts, calling attention to those delicious mounds. Her stomach was completely exposed, her navel becoming the focal point once Han's eyes drifted down there. His gaze circled her stomach a few times before moving further down to the bikini's bottom. It was the same brilliant gold as the top, embracing her thighs as tightly as a snake coiling around its victim. A burgundy cloth dangled from the bottom like a skirt, showing off her legs. It seemed to call out to him, teasing him to reach under it.
The trance held him for nearly a full minute before his sense returned. As if realizing what he was doing for the first time, a wave of shame overtook him. Within a split second he squeezed his eyes shut. What was he doing? Staring at Leia when she was wearing the outfit that had demeaned and humiliated her . . . he was no better than Jabba. He thought he had overcome his tendency to judge women based on their sexual appeal...but no, he was still the weak male he had always been - even Leia wasn't past his lustful eye. He wanted to be blind again, able to see Leia for the fascinating person she was instead of for her body.
He felt a soft hand brushing his fingers. "Han?" Leia's voice said. "Han, are you all right?" When he couldn't bring himself to answer, she said in a gentler voice, "Han, it's all right. I wanted you to see it."
Han opened his eyes, seeing pieces of Leia's skin through the gaps between his fingers. "Why?" he croaked. "To bring back bad memories? To remind me that I'm the reason you ended up in that thing?"
Leia pried his fingers away from his face, bringing back the seductive image of her body. "Han, listen to me. I'm proud of it."
"What???" Han exclaimed in a sudden shout. "Have you gone loony?? Did ya forget what it was like to be Jabba's pet??" He scooted across the bunk, away from her grasp. "Must be tough for your gender, with so many people seein' you as sex toys..." He flopped down and buried his face in the pillow, his body trembling from both lust and shame.
After a moment, Han felt Leia sitting down next to him. Her hand ran down his bare back, making his skin prickle from the hair standing up. "Han, I wore this willingly. I got captured willingly. I would have died willingly if it had been necessary." She planted a small kiss on his shoulder. "I did what it took to rescue the man I love."
Han hesitantly turned his head until he could see Leia out of the corner of his eye. "And it doesn't bother you that the man you love was lookin' at you like you were a callgirl?"
Leia smiled – that knee-weakening smile that would make Han shake even if she weren't wearing a bikini. "I look at you like that sometimes – but that doesn't degrade you, does it? Why should it be any different when you look at me that way?"
"This is different," Han whispered, his eyes darting around, trying to focus on the wall instead of her. "This just made me realize how I..." He was cut off by Leia giving him a long kiss. Soon he could taste her tongue in his mouth, his own tongue unwillingly beginning to dance with it. Her arms wrapped around him, pulling him close to her, the cold bikini pressing against his skin. He flinched slightly at the chill, almost not realizing that he was wrapping his arms around her too, that their breath was becoming heavier and louder.
The strip clubs he used to visit, the one-night stands he used to have . . . none of it was like this. All those nameless and faceless women who offered him nothing but raw satisfaction for his urges . . . none of them could compare to what Leia was offering now, he suddenly realized. There was something else here – the knowledge that their time together wouldn't end with the dawn, that their precious moments weren't just the ones in bed, that each saw the other as something more than a sexual object. This intimacy would only be part of their relationship.
Leia was now gripping the edges of his underwear, making Han abruptly hold his breath. She gently began pulling it down, putting Han's intimate area in direct contact with the bikini bottom. The cold metal and soft fabric yanked a hungry hiss out of his mouth, swelling his loins, tightening his muscles. As if he would die if he didn't do so, he hastily reached down, pulling the bottom down her legs and tossing it on the floor. "Leia . . ." he mumbled as his sweaty hands pulled off the bikini's top. "Leia . . ."
Their thighs pressed together once again, letting Han feel the warmth of her skin against his entire body. She moaned in ecstacy as he found his way inside her, his body pulsing in time with hers. Though this was her first time, she pushed herself against him, squeezing her thighs, as if determined to give him something special.
He was equally determined to give her something special too.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
They lay caressing each other in the dark, shamelessly naked, well spent, content to lie here for an indefinite amount of time. Han was gently, drowsily massaging Leia's bare breasts, planting gentle kisses on her warm, wonderful skin.
She had saved him from endless hibernation. Somehow that fact was more clear now than it had been before. He embraced his consciousness as fully as he was embracing the woman he loved, drinking it in, seeing it as a gift she gave him. They had a future together now . . . this was only the beginning. She had done so much for him . . . how would he ever in his life be able to repay her?
He pulled her closer to him, one hand reaching up to stroke her ear before leaning in to kiss it. "I love you," he whispered.
Leia smiled serenely, gripping his fingers. "I know." Though it was dark, he was sure she was grinning as she kissed his sweaty cheek – that exchange would likely become a personal joke now that they were officially a couple.
"And I love you too," she added after a few moments, making Han grin back at her.
Next to the bunk, the bikini lay crumpled on the floor, its duty accomplished.