Regrets

Author's Note: Written because there wasn't enough Skip Beat fanfiction out there.

Disclaimer: If I owned Skip Beat, pigs would start flying.

Summary: Maybe if he paid just a little bit more attention to her, this would never have happened.

Warning: Mild spoilers for volumes 7 and up.


It was at times like this when these particular thoughts plagued him. All the 'what if's and 'how come's in life. Being too tired to make more than a pathetic attempt to ward them off, all the same situations would replay over and over again.

If he hadn't left Kyoto, what would have happened? Would he have taken over the inn by now? Growing up and living there for the majority of his life, he knew that the innkeeper's wife did most of the interacting with customers. If he had taken over, most of the tasks he'll complete would be financial. He couldn't live like that. And he knew it. He had left and he was never going back.

Of course, the most pressing thoughts were those of the girl he had brought with him to seek his fame and glory. It was strange. In the beginning, he had no qualms at all about using her to fulfill his own needs. No regrets about working her to the bone and then still demanding more. But now… Now? He didn't know.

Before she found out, he was more than a little certain that she would've followed him to hell and back. She was devoted to him, doing everything she could to make him happy. Although he never thanked her, or in any way indicated that he was grateful, she was always smiling and doing her best. Sometimes, it seemed like her smiles belonged to him, and him alone. He was her reason to smile, to be happy.

Now, he was her motive for revenge.

How did this happen? He assumed that, if she ever found out (not if, when), maybe she'd cry her heart out for a little while, then get over it. Sure, she would still probably hate him for the rest of her life, but he had never imagined that she would join the show biz world in hopes of vengeance.

Had she always been like that? As her friend since childhood, he would like to say that he knew her the best. Except, he didn't. To him, it seemed like she was always so sweet and hard working. When had she developed such an evil personality? Surely she couldn't have hid it for so long. That's impossible, right?

Maybe, just maybe, if he had paid a little more attention to her, he might have noticed. If, once in a while, he had maybe spared her more than a second's glance, he would have seen how she differed from who he thought her to be. Maybe, just maybe.

But, what happened, happened. Nobody can change the past. No matter how much that person wants to.

There is such a huge difference in the way things were and the way things are. In a ridiculously short amount of time, the sweet innocent girl he knew changed into a demon bent on sending him to hell. And the thing that bothered him the most was, he actually liked her better this way.

Again and again he questioned himself, why? Why did he have to complicate things so greatly for himself? It should have been so simple; he used her as a housekeeper, cast her off when she was no longer of any use, and then never think about her again. When had the plan changed? Why can't he stop thinking about her? What made her so interesting now, even though he knew that she was still the same, plain girl he had known since childhood?

He paused in his thoughts. Was she even the same girl? She acted nearly nothing like her old self. Where she was dedicated, sweet, and hard working before, she was now obsessed, scary, and just plain crazy. While she used to do her best to make him happy, she now did everything in her power to make him as miserable as possible. Was she the same? No, probably not.

But, then again, it was entirely his fault, right? So he had no right to complain. Not that he was, of course. Like he said, he personally liked her better this way. He'll never admit it, but yes, he did actually care about her, to a certain extent. How ironic that, when he finally did grow feelings for her, it was after she'd lost all love for him. But, that was life. You never know what you have until you don't have it anymore.

But, his aching heart (so to say) was somewhat eased by the very fact that caused it to ache. He had no delusions; he knew that she hated him, wanted her revenge. Yet, he still couldn't help but relish in the fact that the only thing she thought about was him. Sure, she probably thought of all sorts of ways to humiliate/kill him, but that wasn't the point. It was him that was on her mind day and night; him, not Ren Tsuruga, not that beagle (still laughing at that), but him. How sardonic life was.

As his mind followed this all-too-familiar path, he couldn't help but feel a strange sensation in the back of his thoughts. A weird longing mixed in with sadness. What was the name again?

Regret.

Perhaps the only thing he'll ever regret was the choice that made him her eternal enemy. The choice that will most likely bring about his own downfall. The choice that brought her forever out of his reach.

His choice.

Sighing, he closed his eyes. He always thought that regret was a particularly pointless feeling. No matter how much you long for something to be different, once it's done, it's all in the past. There was no use wishing that it hadn't happened or occurred another way. After all, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride.

Someone once told him to live his life with no regrets. And at one point in his life, he had believed he could do that. What would he have to regret? He will live his life the way he wanted to and strive to leave a lasting impression on the world for when he was gone. There was no room for doubts or misgivings.

It's really too bad that life never worked out the way you wanted it to. If it did, he would be the happiest man on the planet right now. Well, perhaps not the happiest, but probably pretty close.

How life hated him.

He really should get some sleep. Tomorrow was another busy day of work and recording. It wouldn't be good if he slacked due to lack of sleep. Rolling over, he waited for sleep to claim him.

Regret. What a useless emotion.


Author's Note: This took a ridiculously long time to write. I just couldn't find a way to end it, therefore, it rambled on and on and on. Surprisingly, Sho was very easy to write. I never liked him as a character and there was only one time when I felt rather sorry for him. Still, I think this fanfic turned out pretty good, all things considered. Thank you for reading!