Title: Banging

Summary: "We call it banging these days, guys."

Rating: Teen

Archive: Yes (hahahaha)

Author's Note: This is what comes from me trying to write chapter 23 of YLYHTM and a parody at the same time.


"The gray ones will be fine." Boq's fingers slid across the dull fabric and he gently tossed the tights into Nessa's lap. She straightened them out.

"When you said pants I thought you meant like what I'm wearing." A small giggle escaped her mouth.

"I don't giggle."


"I don't giggle." Nessarose raised one eyebrow. "That pink puff giggles; not me."

"Her name is Glinda." She rolled her eyes at Boq.

"I'm sorry, what was that, Biq?" Boq opened his mouth, but didn't say anything. I sighed. Loudly.

"Could we get back to the whole giggling issue?"

"Giggling is ridiculous. You only do it to sound girly. I'm a girl. I sound like a girl. I don't giggle."

"Fine. I'll change it." My fingers typed away at the keyboard. "Anything else, Madame Governor?"

"You don't have to be a bitch about it. You want it to be true to character or not?"

I whispered through my teeth, "I want you to stop talking."


"Minerva, Boq, if you two are going to be mean, I'll just go."

"That's fine with me, Miss Nessarose."

Nessarose jerked back slightly. I glanced at Boq as Nessa rolled away from us and sighed again.

"You know, Boq, you don't have to be an ass about it."


"Well, you did kind of lead her on for years and pretend that you loved her. What did you expect?"

"She enslaved me."

"You knew she loved you."

"What about the whole middle ground where she enslaved me?"

"Boq, she's in a wheelchair. Just pick her up, put her in a high place, and walk away."

"It…It wasn't that easy."

"Cause you like her?"

"A little." He slid into a chair. "I just wanted her as a friend."

"And yet YOU dated her."

"Just write or something." He buried her face in his hands.

A small laugh escaped her mouth.

"That would be completely inappropriate. Women in pants? It's absurd." Nessa ran a hand down the leg of her tights. "I like skirts anyways." Boq played with the handle to the dresser and his mind wandered while Nessa changed in the bathroom.

'You are not in love with her.'

'Who in the Unnamed God are you, and why are you in my head?'

'I'm your conscience, dumb ass.'

'How insightful.'

'Well, you're not.'

'How do you know that?'

'Let's just think and go with the part where you're in love with Glinda.'

'What if Glinda's right? I mean, I never wanted to hurt Nessa…'

"That's true."

"Come again, Boq?"

"I never wanted to hurt her."

"Well, I think you both succeeded in that one."

"What one?" Nessa's voice was soft and hoarse. Her eyes were red.

"Hurt each other. I mean, just look at what happened."

Boq and Nessa eyed each other.

"Or looking at each other works too."

Boq turned Nessa's chair around. "Come on; let's go talk." Nessa nodded, and her hands sat idle in her lap. Boq brushed his left hand through her hair.

"Talking…Yeah, we call it banging these days, guys."

Boq turned back to face me. "Just type loudly or something then." He smiled.

I shook my head. "Maybe I can get something done now."

'What if Glinda's right? I mean, I never wanted to hurt Nessa…'

I stared at the keyboard.

Or not.