cado (cay – doe)
to fall, drop, plummet, topple
He surges to meet you, gasping, and it is not love, but it is hot, tense, unbearable pleasure, and sometimes you think it is better than love could ever be.
Mirror on the wall, this is how the mighty fall.
It's bleak and blazing, beautiful and hideous, and you can't look away, but somehow you do. You won't be held in thrall by the romantic anymore; you won't waste your life in the pretentious drama that you read about in the stories as a little girl. It's too much shit, and this is the only life you've got, and you've done that all before, anyways. You don't want to waste your life. Never mind that you are just by not-looking. It's not-falling (not yet), and you're sort of…apathetically content. And that is how you're wasting it. Apathetically content, and that is such a stupid feeling for a ninja. It's a stupid feeling for someone who can die at any moment of any day, for someone whose entire life could span five genjutsu seconds that are all in one's head after all.
But the Uchiha are all dead now, anyway. You killed one of them yourself and it was the hardest thing you have ever done, but you won't be held in thrall by the romantic anymore. You got strong (you're the strongest) and killed your dream - SASUKE, you lied calmly, SASUKE, i hate you, but he couldn't hear you anymore and he was dead and who were you lying to? - because it was a lie that was going to drag you down. This is how the mighty fall. It was such a lie, and even though ninja live off of untruths and illusions, you have never been a particularly rational ninja in the first place.
So you keep your hair shorn and die it dark to blend better. You merge with Inner Sakura, and if the mirror on the wall reminds you a bit of Anko when you smilesmirk, that's okay, because YOU'RE ONE OF THE MIGHTY now – a medic who surpasses Tsunade.
When you go to your apartment after a seventy-two hour shift at the hospital and find your old failure of a sensei there, you smilesmirk like Anko, like you've seen broken ouroboros and insanity that marked a flawless neck because snakes slithered into your life and poisoned it loudly. Kakashi turns to you wordlessly, pleading, and the smilesmirk never leaves your face as you undo his pants and ride his cock while you trace a kunai in swirling designs up and down his spine.
You don't heal the cuts once you're finished with him.
So perhaps you're wasting your life, but YOU'RE ONE OF THE MIGHTY and you swear you won't fall like all the other titans have. You've given up too much to fall now, and you don't realize it but you're still clinging to the romantic – as if life were fair or gave a god-fuck about sacrifice. You save a thousand lives and destroy a thousand more, and you know that even though Naruto and his dream were killed, you'll steal the title of Rokudaime from him, and that's how it always goes, isn't it? All dreams die violently – Neji was sacrificed by the Main House for Hinata, who killed herself after, and Hanabi is the new heir, and nothing has changed and nothing ever will – Branch and Main House, slave and owner and nothing ever changes except the creation of one more dead dream to lay atop the pile. Chouji is dead, and Ino is in the mental ward, and Shikamaru is an ANBU captain with a death wish the size of his I.Q.
Lee doesn't moon after you anymore. Not since you nearly killed him in a fit of mild aggravation.
Sometimes the Kazekage comes to Konoha for diplomatic matters, and he deigns to meet your eyes because you will be Rokudaime and everyone knows it. You fuck once, in a side room while waiting for Tsunade to recover from her drunken stupor du jour. You undo his pants and ride his cock while you trace your sharp nails in swirling designs up and down his spine, and it is more thrilling than Kakashi because you could kill each other at any moment. Gaara knows it, and you know it, and the thought combined with his savage bite on your shoulder makes you climax. You stifle your scream by biting the pad of your thumb, and then you bite the pulse point on his neck in exchange. He shudders and cums silently, and this time what you stifle is the urge to break his neck just because you could.
You don't heal the scratches once you're finished with him.
Maybe you let go of your team and killed your dream like none of your sensei ever thought to do, but you're still just as fucked in the head and issue-ridden as they are/were.
Dreams die because I kill them is your final thought on the matter, and you have never had a problem with lying to yourself. It's just a quarter-lie, anyways. No biggie. You're wasting your life and lying to the world at every turn, and it gets to where you are a lie - but if you lie hard enough you become the lie and the lie becomes the truth. It's bleak and blazing, beautiful and hideous, and you can't look away, but somehow you do because you won't be caught in the fairy tale anymore.
Never mind that you are still caught, and you're wasting your life for nothing.
A.N.: This was inspired by Sunfreak's last line in her fic Sakura is Sakura and Your are Yourself: "mirror mirror, on the wall, this is how the mighty fall". Her Sakura is nothing like my Sakura - this is about the only way I can stand Sakura, actually. This is what it takes.
Jedi mind trick moment: Review!