in honor of Kurogane's and Fai's August 9th anniversary for Chapter 125, I finished my fanfiction and am presenting it to you as a gift for their really twisted and messed up 'wedding' day.
Title: Ground Rules
Author: Melissa the Damgel (kettothrast)
Fandom: Tsubasa RC
Pairing: KuroxFai and FaixKuro
Rating: M (or NC17)
Word Count: 10,353
Warnings: Lemon! And semi-Seme Fai… or Yuui… err… bleh. But yes. Swearing, language, and nekkid Fai. This story also takes place from chapter 161 and up because it's sorta future possible AU after we find out what happens in the next few chapters o.0
Disclaimer: I don't own Fai/Yuui or Kurogane, because if I did, they would be a lot happier sooner than later as CLAMP has in mind. But Tsubasa is owned by the lovely and brilliant ladies at CLAMP and I make no money from this, because it's not nearly as good as CLAMP's work. They really should just take over the world already. The world would be so much happier… er… well… angstier but much more exciting than it is right now.
Summary: Fai attempts to push Kurogane way yet again as the ninja grows more insistent on using his real name. Tempers flare and Fai says some things that may push Kurogane away forever – yet Kurogane says some things that force the mage to take a look at what he has become. This is sort of a continuation to my last story, I guess it would make more sense if you read it, though the whole Yama situation is just as blurry as it is in this fic. (I did that on purpose ;) ).
And here it is, 'Ground Rules'. It's long, angsty and all lemon at the end. Wooo! Happy Anniversary!
By: Melissa the Damgel
"I told you not to call me that, Kurogane." Fai snapped, turning sharply from the larger man as he lifted a log into his arms and tossed it into to the growing fire. He brushed his hands free of dirt and tree dust and tried hard to ignore the man behind him.
Frowning deeply and turning his eyes away from the mage's back, Kurogane felt a stab of pain prickle at his heart. "And I told you that I wasn't going to-"
"Not everything can go your way, Kurogane." Fai whispered.
Snorting, the ninja turned, brushing past Fai on his way to retrieve more firewood and thusly giving him an excuse to walk with the man. "Why are you addressing me so formally all of a sudden?"
Fai stopped in his tracks and stared at the ground for a moment. Kurogane's steps faltered and he turned, watching the mage's shoulders stiffen and his bowed head slowly lift to settle that single, stony blue eye into his own fiery red.
"Because," Fai stopped, watching the larger man in front of him slowly move closer. The cloak that surrounded the dark man billowed faintly in the night breeze and gave him the illusion of wings. Kurogane was a predator. Granted he was a rather gentle predator at that – very much like the wolf he once asked him to call him if he was to tease him at all. He was loyal, he was fierce, he was always more than willing to fight and took joy in it to the point that the ruler of his country sent him away to learn a bit of tact – but he was a predator nonetheless, and those eyes that gazed down at him caused familiar stirring in his loins as well as a fluttering in his chest, while sweat gathered at his brow and caused his stomach to flip from a bit of unexpected lust that shot through his belly.
Kurogane scared him. Of all his companions, Kurogane saw through him and forced him to face facts that he desperately wanted to ignore. That first evening after everything Ashura-Ou had reminded him of and what he had done in his past, Kurogane had forcefully made him face those facts concerning his past as well as distract him from it and remind him there was also a problem concerning the two of them and their budding… something.
He would be lying if he said he hadn't enjoyed the sex. Sometimes throughout the day he thought he could still feel the pain and pleasure of Kurogane forcefully shoving into him and making him scream in pleasure without once gifting him the courteous touch of pleasure to his own throbbing erection. The heavens knew how often in the last week he had laid in bed, staring at Kurogane's back as he slept while his cock had stood hard and throbbing, leaking as he fought with himself as to why he wasn't just crawling over to the sleeping man across the fire and simply asking him for release. He knew Kurogane would be more than willing to grant it to him; he could see it in his eyes how much Kurogane wanted him even now. Maybe those smoldering, all consuming eyes were the reason a blush now tickled his cheeks. Kurogane's own lust and want wormed into his body and slithered down to his crotch to stroke at him without once breaking eye contact.
"For someone who doesn't care about my past, you sure insist on using a name I long ago discarded as trash." Fai jerked his eye away and somehow managed to walk past him on shaky legs.
Kurogane frowned, his eyes falling to the rotting leaves of the dead forest they currently found themselves in. He didn't know what to say. If he could just find a way to cut away his pride long enough to talk with him, he might be able to do something, for themselves.
The two worked in silence, gathering more firewood and piling it near their camp. Shaoran's injuries left him sleeping most of the time, as well as his adamant insistence that Sakura's body should never be left alone. Fai found it rather ironic that Shaoran wasn't awake to hear or observe them. It was almost like the Gods were laughing at him again, hoping to see more despair befall their favorite angst-puppet.
"…Fai?" Kurogane asked, his voice was low and breathy and brought Fai to a shuttering stop as his eye fell closed.
"What?" He asked just as silently.
Kurogane watched the mages back carefully and inched closer to him till his fingers grazed his wrist. He flinched as Fai pulled his hand away sharply and shifted his weight to his other foot to move away from him without moving his feet. "I only insisted on calling you 'Yuui' because I thought-"
"But that's just it, Kurogane, you didn't think. You just wanted to control me..." Fai hissed and his fingers curled into a fist, "just like everyone else…" he trailed off.
Kurogane turned angry red eyes on Fai and pivoted in the leaves to stand in front of him in a swift silence that ninjas were infamous for. "Let's get one thing straight, Flowright, I don't want to control you." As Fai turned his head slightly, Kurogane's hand snatched out for his chin, jerking his head back so he could stare down into his wide blue eye once more. "I just want you to be honest with me. I thought if you allowed me the use of your name; your real name; then-"
Fai scoffed and jerked himself away and shoving at Kurogane's hand. "Then what? We'd frolic off together into the sunset and make-love till dawn? That's not how it works, Kurogane, and certainly not with me. I'm cursed twice over. Twice! And you saw it too! You know I'm not lying about that!" He took a step back before he moved to brush past him. "Do you think everything will suddenly be alright if we warm each other's beds now and then?"
"You're just using that curse as an excuse." The ninja accused, leaning towards the mage with narrowed eyes. "You're always hiding behind one thing or another and never facing anything head on, including me." Grabbing at the mage's elbow, Kurogane gripped it tightly – then suddenly broke his hold and his fingers only lingered upon the coat. Red eyes drifted down the thin arm to the scraped fingers of Fai's small hand. "Nothing will ever be perfect, Yuui. But we can try-"
"Don't call me that." He hissed, glaring down at Kurogane's fingers.
"Why couldn't you have trusted me?" Kurogane whispered, ignoring his words.
Peeking up to the ninja, Fai hesitated before a sigh escaped his throat and he looked away, his brows knitting together and his eye glazing over and growing distant. "I thought you would hate me."
Snorting, Kurogane shook his head, lifting his eyes to stare upwards into the barren branches of the trees above. "I wouldn't have hated you for telling me about your past." His hand fell, though his eyes softened and his brows knitted faintly in pain. "I wouldn't have hated you at all…"
"It was just sex, Kurogane." Fai whispered, unconsciously knowing what that distant look in the ninja's eyes meant.
Closing his eyes upon hearing the painful words, Kurogane couldn't stop himself from flinching and he barely managed to control the flicker of pain that threatened to spill over his features. Kurogane grunted and shrugged his shoulders, his face turning away from the sky and his head bowing faintly in resignation. "Yeah..." he managed out.
Shadows flickered across gnarled branches as they swayed in the chilling breeze, though neither of the two companions stirred by neither sight nor sound. They were two skilled soldiers who knew the sounds of the forest and had seen far worse in the darkness than just flickering moonlit shadows. Though, if the mage and ninja hadn't been forced so early in life to experience such painful events that required them to become strong at the cost of learning to live life the way children do, maybe the invisible wall that was subconsciously going up between them would have frightened them into trying to claw it down and reach for the other.
"You didn't answer my question." Kurogane whispered, finally daring to speak against the quivering darkness as a twig snapped in the distance.
Sighing with a hint of annoyance, Fai turned his head, staring at the taller man next to him with a sad expression etched upon his delicate features. "And what question did I forget to answer for you this time, Kurogane?" He drawled, the sarcasm weaving from his lips.
Opening his eyes and leveling those red orbs upon the glazed blue, Kurogane's mouth momentarily thinned into a line of disapproval. "Why are you addressing me so formally all of a sudden? The other night you were screaming those ridiculous nicknames at me as I pounded you into a wall." He growled with a sudden flare of vengeful fire licking in his belly and upon his lips. It died instantly when Fai's eye hardened at the words, but it was true, he wanted to know why one day Fai would shun him and address him properly, then the next call him by those ridiculous names even though he was angry at him for some reason. It had been silently acknowledged long ago that he, Kurogane, took Fai's teasing as a sign of affection, and that was the reason Fai had stopped calling him by those nicknames.
Taking a moment to absorb that statement, Fai's eyes cleared like the breaking of a storm and he turned his body to face the ninja. The smile that crawled over his face dripped from his lips like poison as the fake joy alit his face with moonlight and shadows. "I was tired and weak. What can I say? I knew you wanted it just as badly as I did and I wanted to forget for awhile. It was perfect. We were alone and I knew you would-"
"Yuui, don't lie." Kurogane snarled, moving quickly and snatching at his arms. "You begged me because you wanted to relive those months in Yama. You said it made you happy. I didn't forget so don't act like I did."
Hissing in pain as the ninja squeezed his elbows. Fai lifted his eye and glared back at the man, but hesitated as he noted the pained knot that rested between the man's brows and the hope and nervousness that flickered within in his ruby eyes. "Sometimes they aren't all lies." He whispered.
Kurogane's fingers twitched against his arms and he momentarily turned his eyes away.
Closing his eye and turning his head, Fai struggled to get out of his hold, his shoulder slumping and his lips parted as the sudden sadness that filled the small space between them landed upon his shoulders. "Let me go Kurogane." He asked in a weak and breathy voice.
The man's fingers slowly relaxed and he dropped his hands away, his eyes drifting back to the blonde's sad face. "I thought…"
Fai shrugged and turned away, his arms lifting to fold over his chest, "Well, you were wrong. Those silly names were only to tease you and keep you away. Not bring you closer so you could have a schoolgirl crush on me."
The ninja snarled faintly at those words, but his body felt so weak and the more his red eyes stared down at the back of the blonde's neck the more rapidly his anger dissipated and his desire to fall to his knees in despair began to overtake him. His eyes stared at the magician's back and he clung to his memories, wanting to just remember for a few minutes more. It was pathetic really; he, a ninja to the royal court of Nihon, who was the slayer of countless men who had attempted to sneak into the castle – weather for malicious reasons of for innocent, he had never bothered to ask – and who was renowned within his side of the world as a man who took great pride in his swordsmanship and craft. But at that moment, he felt himself suddenly weakening and breaking apart because of a few words from a frail, wisp of a man.
Kurogane finally dragged his eyes away and turned, falling back the few inches to rest against a tree. "So it really meant nothing then?"
Fai's brows knitted together and his single eye shadowed over, his lips parting and his head tilting to the side as he gazed at nothing in particular within the dying forest. "Not nothing… it was just – It's complicated." He whispered.
"Then make it uncomplicated." Kurogane whispered, his voice hitching just faintly. To anyone who did not know the ninja, he sounded just as gruff and dispassionate as ever; but to Fai's ears, the man had practically sounded as though he was going to break with despair.
Turning his eye away from the flower in the snow clinging desperately for life against the bark of the oak tree, Fai allowed himself to look directly at the man that towered over him, taking note of the stormy swirl of emotions within the red eyes. "I don't know how." Fai admitted after what felt like years of silence.
Kurogane jerked his head away and let it fall back against the bark of the tree he was leaning again.
"The only reason we even began to fuck in the first place was for the Yasha soldiers benefit so they would leave me alone." Fai stated, his hands curling into fists at the memory. "I was so angry with you. I couldn't even tell you I was angry because of the language barrier. But afterwards…"
"Why does that event come up every time? You mentioned it the other day too." Kurogane's chest began to unwind and he felt like he could breath again, though the thought of looking at the blonde still caused a tremendous, sickly pain to once again punch into his gut.
"Because; that's when I realized you cared." Fai explained and his shoulders shook faintly as he bowed his head. "After we were given a tent and the soldiers left, you…"
"Don't say it." Kurogane snarled and shot a glare at the man, his cheeks coloring faintly but he jerked his eyes away again as his chest once more tightened even with only a momentary glance at the blonde hair that feathered across his shadowed face.
Fai shrugged and granted him his request. This wasn't worth arguing over. "But you cared. And that was the first time I even got inkling that maybe I was failing in my attempts to keep you away. But then, the next day you acted like nothing had happened and I pushed aside those worries. It's my fault I didn't listen to my gut feeling. It's my fault…"
"It's not just your fault." The other man hissed. "There were two of us, and it takes more than just your feelings to cause this sort of mess."
Fai winced at Kurogane's choice of words, but he bobbed his head faintly, still staring down at the dying leaves under his feet, and he laughed suddenly.
Kurogane turned his head sharply and stared at the magician as he lifted a slender hand and covered his brow and his eyes, revealing his infamous smile that was so real and yet so painful. Kurogane found himself away from the tree and just several steps from the smaller man in front of him before his muscles responded to his mental cry and he stopped himself before he reached Fai.
"We're such hypocrites." Fai laughed and pulled his hand away, looking up at the darker man standing in front of him.
He opened his mouth to question him as his brows knotted together and his face twisted up into an expression of annoyed confusion, but Fai waved his hand and cut off his questions before he began them and he shook his head with that brilliantly aching smile sprawled across his lips.
"Don't ask, Kurogane, it's not worth it."
Frowning severely, Kurogane reached out to him but paused, his hands hovered above his elbows before he grasped them. His touch was gentler than usual and he bowed his head towards him, trying to capture his attention. He wasn't going to give up. He needed Fai to understand, and simply put, he just plain needed him, period. "Yuui…"
Jerking from him with a punch of his hands against Kurogane's forearms, Fai jerked from his grasp and stumbled backwards as though in physical pain of the word, "I told you not to call me that!" he cried, shaking his head violently and squeezing his eye shut.
"But that's who you are!" Kurogane shouted back, "Just because your brother died, his soul is not yours! Changing your name will not fix your past and it won't bring your brother back from the dead!"
"You say you care so little about my past yet you insist on this? A stupid name?" Fai shouted, his whole body exploding into action as he threw his hand out, cutting off Kurogane's words with such force, that the ninja actually looked chastised. "If you don't care about my past, why care about a stupid name that has been gone for years uncounted? Why care so powerfully about one insignificant aspect of my past and then completely ignore the fact that I killed my brother?" He shook, his whole body quivered in such a kaleidoscope of emotions that a flicker of a magical aura actually pulsed from his body.
Staring at the man in front of him, Kurogane's surprise faded and he stared at Fai calmly and with a soft look within his ruby eyes. Even the air around him seemed to gentle and grow warm with the seriousness that Kurogane was about to give to his words, "Because 'Yuui' is the one thing that only you can grant me permission to hold dear." He breathed delicately past lips that reveled in the preciousness and passion of simply saying his name induced.
Making-love to a word had never been imaginable to Fai till Kurogane's tongue rolled over his name and caressed some deeper place within him that made even the mage's inner fires change from simmering anger to a disconcerted craving that throbbed through his body. It wasn't lust per say, but something else, something dug so deeply within body and soul not even the mage could identify exactly what it was the man before him had reached out and stroked so intimately in just a few words.
Fai somehow managed to look away, his eye once more landing upon the flower clinging to life within the dead forest by growing within the sheltering warmth of the oak. For once, Fai was at a loss for words.
"Yuui," Kurogane stated very simply, "I want this one thing of you, because not even Ashura owned that name. That name is still yours and yours alone." He explained, his fingers curling into weak fists as his sides as he watched Fai's face twitch at the mention of his former king.
"And by making me take on a name that has been dead to me for years, you want to own me by deceptive force." Fai declared with a quiver in the cold tone of his voice. He kept his eye turned away and he distracted his mind by watching a few dead leaves dance across the rotting floor of the forest at the appearance of a brisk and brief breeze. He didn't want to look at Kurogane. The man would be able to see right through him otherwise. "You still think that what we've done in the past is something special, when really, it was just sex out of raw need and frustration."
Kurogane glared down at the man with anger and a hint of something deeper shattered within the red eyes. Between his words and the look upon the blonde's face, the wound Fai had just dealt him was more than enough to make Kurogane immediately turn away from him and gaze into the dead woods to gather himself once more. "Idiot; that's not it and you can't fool me." He hissed, "I saw it in your eye the other night. I know you felt it… whatever the hell it is we have."
Grunting and stomping after him, Fai purposefully allowed his shoulder to collide with Kurogane's arm. He looked back in haughty satisfaction as he watched the ninja stop in his tracks with an anger similar to hatred burning brilliantly upon his sharp features. "We don't have anything, Kurogane. You took everything too far." He said, emphasizing his name and pointedly looking him in the eyes. "And, just so you know, you won't be able to catch me no matter how long you follow after me." Fai declared pointedly before turning once more.
Kurogane growled, slapping a fist against his thigh angrily, "At least I spoke the truth."
Fai paused, turning his head ever so faintly, "Doesn't necessarily mean I'll change my mind." He said before he hurried away, making his way back to camp.
Kurogane wilted suddenly. His shoulders fell and his head tilted back to stare up at the sky. He had never felt so weak and shoved to the side. He had suddenly become nothing. For the first time since he fell forward over the dead body of his mother even as his left hand was nailed to a rock above him, he felt like crying for no other reason than to cry. But he didn't and he instead went back to the task of gathering firewood.
It kept his mind off things.
Dinner was a somber occasion. Shaoran was quiet for most of it, only saying something now and then if he absolutely required it – like having to ask Fai for a fork for his dinner. He stared into his food and pushed the gray and green mess around on his plate and ate it only at Kurogane's gruff order that he should eat so he could remain strong to protect the princess.
Fai sat against a tree, staring off into the darkness beyond the boarder of their small camp. He wrapped his arms about his thin body and then pulled his knees up and refused to look at anyone short of a glance at Shaoran and smiling with Mokona when the creature's worry for a member of their group became too much. Fai was starting to suspect that the 'white manjuu bun' was not sure how to go about handling it's emotions from all the current calamities that had befallen their group. He was sure the creature had experienced nothing but fun and games during its life up to this point – and to have his adopted family so thoroughly thrashed and punctured, Mokona desperately was striving for normalcy – for anything at all to be the same. So, Fai forced himself to smile and cuddle the creature and act as though nothing had happened and he wasn't just as emotionally distraught.
Sitting atop the log they had dragged in from the forest to use as a makeshift bench, Kurogane continued to brood, staring into his own food and ignoring his own words about keeping ones strength up so he would have the ability to protect if the situation arose. Furtive glances moved from his plate to Shaoran, then back to his plate before he would try to look to Fai, but something stopped him and he was only ever able to stare at the magician's boots before looking back to his soggy meal. Kurogane shoved his emotions down and focused on just brooding because dealing with the pain was not something he was sure he could do at the moment without having something to kill and maim in the vicinity to work out his frustrations.
Growling in his throat, Kurogane's hand jerked forward suddenly and he dumped his food into the fire and tossed the plate to the ground as though it was a piece of trash. "I'm going to bed." He grumbled and stood, ignoring the surprised look Shaoran gave him. Kurogane didn't see Fai's wince, and he didn't see the magician's frown grow deeper either.
The ninja went about his nightly routine just to have something familiar and comforting to ease the tension out of his muscles. He spread his blank out on the ground and discarded his cloak and armor before he sat with his back to the fire for a minute or two, his arms folded and his head bowed as though he were a pouting child.
Shaoran's shoulders fell and his eyes lowered. He too dumped his food into the fire and quietly set his plate atop Kurogane's discarded one before he too mumbled something about sleep and he was soon curled up in his bedroll on the other side of Sakura's body to keep her protected and warm through the cold night.
Fai didn't move. He watched the forest shiver and tremble with the movements of the fire's light licking across the old and dry bark and casting shadows upon shadows like a haunting hand of discord determined to shut out all joy and ease. Fai watched the forest from his curled position against the tree with his head resting against the bark.
His thoughts were scattered, thinking of everything from his brother, to the curse, to his fake smiles and then to Kurogane. He was the only man who had seen right through the smiles and identified them for what they were. Even Ashura had accepted the smiles after a point as just 'Fai' having finally found a place of comfort despite his despair at having his brother, the real Fai, lying at the bottom of a pool of water waiting for the day his brother would be able to awaken him. Kurogane had always been able to see through him. It frightened him. He could fool everyone – even Mokona – as to what he really was or how he felt inside, but never the ninja. Kurogane had taken a day to watch him and had somehow figured out everything about him in just that short span of time. As time had gone on, of course Kurogane had gotten more accurate.
It was unnerving, it felt intrusive, and it also felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Someone knew. Someone understood him. That someone was lying across the fire with his back to him who wanted nothing more from Fai than for him to be honest, and to grant him permission to say his true name. 'A stupid name.' Fai's eye lingered upon a withered flower lying dead on the forest floor where it had died from the breath of winter.
Closing his eye, Fai's thoughts drifted back to their fight and his brows knitted together.
'If you don't care about my past, why care about a stupid name…'
'Because 'Yuui' is the one thing that only you can grant me permission to hold dear.'
Fai's skin crawled as a shiver ran along his arms and shoulders. His brows twitched and his eye opened once more, looking glassy and richer as though the blue was alit with a fire behind that glaze. He looked to Kurogane's broad back once more and just stared. His shoulders were stiff and ready for anything to happen even in his sleep.
'He's right.' Fai realized the truth of those words with a heart stopping chill that swept across his body. He hated to have to accept that once again Kurogane was right, 'But, I'm right as well.' Fai's mind quickly reminded him.
Kurogane shifted suddenly in his bedroll and he rolled to his back, a faint grumble under his breath. He wiggled in his blanket for a moment before once more settling down and presumably going back to sleep.
Fai watched the display with a bit of amusement and a hint of surprise. When Kurogane settled down for the night, the ninja did not move after that. He was a like a wall, or a log. He just didn't move once he had a comfortable position and he slept that way all night. When they were in Yama, Fai often teased him about it, and Kurogane had grumbled in response then in retaliation asked him why he hadn't smothered himself in his sleep already with the way he laid on his face and seemed to bury himself under the blankets – and against his body.
His eye flicked away and the bit of amusement that had lingered in his eyes was gone once more. The sex was great, he could never deny that. But to let Kurogane get closer and be the reason he was hurt or injured in the future, he couldn't allow it. He didn't know if he could live with himself if Kurogane died.
The wind rustled the leaves above his head and he looked up to the craggy branches and up to the crystal clear sky above with starlight beating down upon his face. 'He's so stubborn.' He grumbled in his mind. But with a wince and his brows knitting together as his eye softened and stared up at the twinkling stars, Fai lifted a hand to rub at his chest as though in pain. It was funny; he never knew what people meant when they said heartache was like being in agony till now. He really did feel like he was in pain, like a weight was atop his heart, his lungs were bound, and something was caught in his throat.
Shifting against the cold ground, Fai lowered his eye and looked back to Kurogane's sleeping form. He couldn't bear to have the ninja die – but it was painful to be away as well. Every attempt he had made to push him away, he always came back to him with a stronger attitude and with more vows of protecting him. Perhaps that was the man's downfall. Kurogane never once considered that Fai could be worried about his safety as well, because Kurogane always seemed to forget about his own well-being.
'Maybe I should protect him in return.' Fai wondered. If Kurogane wasn't going to protect himself, then he would do it for him.
Kurogane shifted restlessly once more on his bedroll and he tucked an arm under his head then settled once more with his brows furrowed even in his sleep.
Hesat up a bit straighter against his tree as his thoughts mulled over the possibility of protecting the ninja. He had never taken an active role like this. He had done it in the past, yes, but he had never made it his mission to keep the man safe. 'Is this what Shaoran feels?' he asked himself. He glanced to the young man lying near Sakura in his weakened attempt to protect her from outside forces at the cost of having to sleep away from the fire and thusly being cold for the rest of the night.
Fai stood slowly and stretched his long limbs as he moved silently to his own bedroll. He tugged free his blanket and walked over to the children and as gently as possible, he laid the second blanket over Shaoran and even tucked him in. A hint of a smile touched his eyes as he saw Mokona curled between the two and snuggling with them as though the humans were the stuffed animals and he the child.
He moved away from the children, meaning to sit under his tree again and loose himself in thought for the rest of the night. But something stopped him. Something in his stomach tugged him to turn his eye and he stared down at Kurogane's red eyes. The man had only turned his head slightly to watch him and Fai felt so exposed standing there in the night alone on all sides except the chilling air.
Kurogane shifted just faintly as he turned his head to glance at the children then he looked back to Fai and for once, he remind silent and just watched him.
It was painful to look at each other as they were. Kurogane's hand tightened in the blanket atop his stomach as he watched Fai, and Fai shivered, feeling helpless within the man's ruby gaze despite knowing he was fully capable of walking away – like he had earlier that day.
After several more minutes of staring at the blonde, Kurogane closed his eyes to gather himself together before he allowed his eyes to open and his hand to lift from his belly and be held out towards the magician.
His stomach flipped and jumped and he felt his pulse race. Fai swayed slightly as though he was going to head towards him, but he managed to stop himself before he hurried to join him. He bowed his head and turned his back on the ninja. If he didn't stare into those eyes he would be able to resist. Fai forced his feet to move and he very slowly found himself back to his tree and leaning against it.
The later into the night it became, the more awake Fai seemed to become. He hugged himself, he curled in on himself, he covered his good eye, anything he could physically do to push the memories away so he could sleep, and he tried it. But his thoughts all came back to Kurogane's request. Everytime he thought back to Kurogane standing before him, so determined and yet knowing he was defeated before he had ever even asked, throbbed within his mind's eye. Kurogane's eyes had been so calm despite the resolve in them, and his voice – oh if he could hear him say his name one more time…
Pulling his hand from his eye, he turned to stare pointedly at Kurogane. He stared at the sleeping man's slowly rising chest and the way his face was still tense and furrowed, and his hand was still held out to him, his palm facing up.
'Would it be so bad to allow him his one desire? I always force him to do what I want, even if he doesn't realize it.' He shifted, his blue eye flickering as his emotions and logic battled against each other. He was on his hands and knees now and took several paces forward before he stopped and stared at the sleeping man. He stood suddenly and turned away, hugging himself tightly as he watched the children sleep.
He didn't want them, especially Shaoran, to use his true name. That name felt filthy to him, and that name felt like a murderer's name. But peeking back to Kurogane, his true name also felt sultry and like it was the purest thing in the world. How did the ninja manage to do that?
Kurogane grunted faintly in his sleep and turned his head as though searching for something before his brow creased once again and he frowned in his sleep.
Fai stared at him for a moment, his eye quivering with something similar to defeat as he turned and quietly walked to the man's side. He kicked his boots off and quickly unbuckled his belt, staring down the man desperately, though not a hint of sexual lust was evident on his face or in his motions; it was as though the act of stripping himself of his pants and kneeling at his side meant something else entirely to him. Fai continued to watch Kurogane's face even as he began to tug the blanket away from his chest and hips, his thighs quivering beneath his coat and he rubbed his cheek against the collar of his white coat as though taking comfort in the concealing garment
Grunting awake, Kurogane's instincts took over and his hands shot out, grasping at the thin wrists at his sides before he realized what he was doing, or whom he was doing it too.
With Kurogane now awake, that didn't stop Fai. After his hands were captured, the mage slipped a bare thigh over the man's side and he settled upon him, their hips together and his head bowed as he sheltered his face within his blonde locks. "I have some ground rules to set in place before we begin anything." He whispered into the ninja's ear.
His face twisting up in confusion and Kurogane let his hands go in favor of placing them on the other man's shoulders and pushing him upwards so he could take a look at his face.
Fai's eye was shadowed and his hair fell about his face to hide himself despite the longing he felt to look back at the other man, but he knew he needed to say this first or else he would loose his nerve. "The first rule, you will not try to blackmail me anymore into feeding. If I'm not hungry, I'm not hungry." He whispered, his hands dropping to Kurogane's chest to fidget with the clasps and buttons on the man's shirt.
"Then my addition to that first rule is that if you are hungry, you tell me, and then you feed. I don't want you to force me in return into making you feed. I'm won't stand by and let you starve yourself just because you say you aren't hungry." Kurogane hissed, his fingers tightening on Fai's shoulders.
Fai frowned but he was silent as he mulled over Kurogane's request. Finally, he nodded in silent agreement to the ninja's own rule before continuing, "Second rule, stop saying that my past means nothing. It means a lot to me even though it's painful. If you want… this… then you do have to start caring."
A frown marred the man's face but he nodded.
"You have to be honest." Kurogane interrupted him, his hands sliding down from his shoulders, to his elbows. "Don't try and hide anything from me. Just be honest."
Fai sighed in exasperation, "Fine, but these are my rules, stop interrupting." He poked him in the chest as he lifted his face, his features and his eye once more visible within the flickering firelight.
The ninja under him did have to catch his breath – it was funny how Fai looked so ethereal to him sometimes with a simple tilt of his head, or that little twitch to his mouth like he had now. He wouldn't say he was beautiful, though he was damn close – it just felt too feminine to say beautiful, and handsome was too harsh a word in return. But 'ethereal' it fit the enigmatic mage. The way the firelight and shadows mixed and captured his face in flickering elegance of beauty and masculinity, Fai appeared every bit like the unearthly being he was. He was positively captivating.
"Third rule," Fai interrupted his thoughts, and a serious look crawled over his face and his fingers tightened in Kurogane's shirt. "You can… you can call me by my real name." He whispered and the surprised look upon Kurogane's face made his stomach flip and churn with nervousness. "But-" he interrupted the man as he opened his mouth to say something, "but, not in front of the kids." Fai explained as he bowed his head again to hide his face.
A frown fell over Kurogane's face and he lifted his hand to push the blonde hair out of the lighter man's face. "Why?" He dared to ask.
"Because… because it's only for you." Fai whispered, his blue eyes lifting to stare into his red ones with a hint of fear.
Kurogane continued to frown, but he reined in his anger and truly thought over his request. It wasn't outrageous at all and actually it was rather liberal on Fai's part. Kurogane felt his stomach twist as he realized Fai had taken time to truly mull this continually argued over topic to heart. He had considered his emotions as well as his own.
He nodded slowly, staring at him as he pushed his blonde hair back a bit more before he curled his fingers along his face and his palm pressed to his cheek.
Fai squeezed his eye shut as his cheeks flushed lightly. "So..."
"Just one more rule," Kurogane interrupted him again. Fai frowned and opened his eye with a hint of annoyance, and the man couldn't help but smirk at him. "You can only use my full name if you need me, if you are serious, or if we're alone. No more using it like it's a curse and trying to push me away with it. It won't work."
He looked away, thinking that over.
"But no more stupid nicknames." Kurogane grumbled and looked away.
Upon hearing those words, a soft smile broke out over Fai's face and he stared down at the man under him, "But Kuro-chi, I'm hardly ever serious. What am I supposed to call you?"
He growled as his head darted back around to glare at the mage, "Just don't use those stupid names!"
"Then I'll call you Black Puppy. That way it's not a nickname and I can say it in front of the children." He quietly squealed and Kurogane glowered at him.
"That's not what I meant."
"But Kuro-chan – oops! I mean, Black Puppy said I could only say his name when we were alone or if I was serious!" Fai explained as though Kurogane wasn't the one who made up the rule.
"Fine! Then forget I ever made that last rule!"
"Okay, Kuro-pipi!" Fai declared and smiling broadly as he annoyed him once more.
Kurogane grumbled for a second before he leveled his eyes upon the mage's single one. His hand lifted and he pressed his palm to his left cheek this time so he could very carefully touch the eye patch under where his eye should have been. "So…"
"Want to have sex?" Fai asked, trying to distract the man from the soft blush upon his cheeks.
The ninja seemed to consider that offer for a minute before he shifted his hand and laid it upon the back of Fai's head and urged him down. "Yes, but I wasn't talking about that yet." He explained, "What is this?" He asked, laying his hand upon Fai's hip and giving it squeeze gently, "No more games."
Fai opened his mouth to say something, then stopped and stared at Kurogane fully. His eye trembled faintly as his body stiffened. He shook his head but then tilted it faintly so his cheek touched his shoulder, portraying a portrait of innocence that he had never truly possessed. "Do we really need a specific title for what we are? Can't we just be 'us'?"
Kurogane frowned, but he finally rumbled in reluctance upon agreeing with Fai's question. He nodded slowly, but it was in his nature to know exactly what it was he was dealing with.
With a small, weak smile upon his face, Fai's fingers played upon his chest and somehow in the time it took Kurogane to breathe in and then exhale, Fai had his shirt open to the freezing night air. He pressed his bare thighs to the ninja's side and whatever had been hidden in the back of his eye, whatever the reason for him desperately needing to strip even without sex as the main goal, it was fulfilled and Fai relaxed. He took a moment, just feeling Kurogane's skin and his body, his thighs pressing more tightly to his sides and his hips, with his hands pressing against his chest and trailing along his ribs and teasing over his nipples to absorb his warmth and the feeling only skin-on-skin can achieve.
Inhaling sharply, Kurogane reached for his hands to stop him, but they were slapped away and shoved upwards to rest by his head with a glaring Fai hovering over him and holding his wrists to the ground. "I'm in charge." He explained. His voice was low and tight and his eye flashed amber for a brief moment as he stared down at the ninja and waited for him to absorb his words as law for the night.
Kurogane froze at the determination Fai seemed to radiate above him. All he could do was nod as every bone and muscle in his body weakened – and an area farther south grew tight and hard in a sudden and rather surprising rush of lust. Kurogane watched Fai tilt his head to the side, blonde hair sweeping over his cheek and along his brow as that cerulean eye watched him in return and he gave a faint nudge of his hips against his. A small, mischievous smile crawled across Fai's lips as he felt the ninja's erection pressing against his butt. And just as quickly as Fai's smile was there, it disappeared and there was a hint of something desperate about his sudden reign of dominance, so Kurogane settled back and gave the lithe man his desire, for now.
Fai allowed his grip to slacken and his fingers to slowly travel along his wrists, fingering the cuts and faded scars that he didn't even need to look at to see. The two were linked in a kind of trance. Their eyes locked together while only their breath and Fai's fingers reminded them that there was something else outside of this self-made ruby and azure prison they had locked themselves away in.
Guiding his hands down along his toned forearms and powerful biceps, Fai tickled his fingertips down across his chest to once more flicker them atop his nipples. A sly look crawled into his eyes as he watched Kurogane's jaw tighten and his nostrils flare as he continued to stare up at him as though he hadn't just felt jolts of pleasure rush through him.
"Stop it," he gasped, daring a peek towards the children not five feet away from them across the burning border of their camp fire.
"Kurogane, shut up," Fai purred in a surgery-sweet tone, bowing his head down towards him as his thumb and forefinger twisted a nipple harshly.
Choking back a groan, Kurogane glared up at his companion and lifted his head from the ground – all the while keeping his hands pressed to the ground – and hissed into the blonde's face, "Bastard."
A dark smile spread over Fai's face and his head tilted once more before he bowed his head down to the ninja's and whispered against his lips, "Does Daddy not like Mommy in charge? Cause I think another part of you does." His eyes lit up in delight at the very faint blush that flickered across the man's cheeks the moment his free hand reached down to give his member a squeeze through his pants.
Rumbling in his chest and turning his head slightly, Kurogane's hands shifted against the frozen ground and moved to run his palms up along the mage's bare thighs. "Maybe a little…" he grumbled but not very convincingly.
Frowning down at the man, Fai's hands shot out and pushed Kurogane's hands back down to the ground and he narrowed his eye slightly at the annoyed look Kurogane turned his way. "Leave them there." He ordered and the man's face flickered between surprise and another thrill of pleasure. Fai sat up quickly and reached down, jerking on Kurogane's pants and tugging them open far more easily than he had been able to do in the past.
Gagging on his own gasp, Kurogane tried to sit up, his eyes flashing in alarm. "Stop!" he hissed and reached a hand out to grab at the magician's wrist even as his eyes peeked over at the children before glaring at Fai.
Fai's eye flared and he slapped Kurogane's hand from his and with a quick thrust of his hips, Fai distracted the ninja long enough to shove the man back down to the ground by his shoulders and lean upon the broad chest to keep him in place. "I'm in charge." He growled, once again staring down at him to remind him of that fact.
Kurogane's breath was gone and all he could do was nod faintly as he felt Fai fumble with his pants and open them enough to free his hard member and then grasp it within those slim fingers. Fai shifted above him and suddenly, Kurogane found his cock positioned towards the blonde's opening and the lithe man pushed down upon him, encasing his member within the tight embrace of his body quicker than Kurogane thought possible without any preparation.
Gasping, but not flinching in pain or discomfort, Fai watched Kurogane closely as he seated himself upon the ninja's lap and waited till he fully adjusted. He wanted this, he wanted to feel everything and not have it gentled or dulled in anyway. Perhaps he was a masochist in some way, but he wanted this, and he needed it now. He needed to prove something by keeping Kurogane pinned under him and lost in a mixture of surprise and lust.
Grunting as Fai shifted above him, Kurogane's hands shot out to grasp his hips to try and stop him. He didn't realize how well he knew the mage's body till that moment as he felt the clamping of his muscles upon his rigid member trying to keep him in place. "You're not ready." He hissed, but once again his hands were shoved away and Fai's desperate and determined face was the only thing he could see within the flickering firelight.
It was odd. The air warmed around them suddenly and Kurogane felt his body relaxing under the smaller man's as Fai stared down at him, his eye telling him everything as he lifted his body then shoved himself back down. Fai's eye closed for a moment and his lips parted in a silent moan as his back arched faintly. Fai began to lift himself up then drop himself back down onto him faster and Kurogane couldn't control the grunt and rumble in his chest as the pleasure began to gather and swell between them.
Fai mewed above him and bounced himself faster upon the man, his head bowing forward with his cheek pressed to the collar of his white, fluffy coat. His fingers stroked and clawed at Kurogane's chest occasionally while his movements pushed the man into his depths faster and harder. His thighs quivered and shook as he moved, his breathe hitching in his throat and his lips trembled as another mew of pleasure escaped him before a moan was ripped out of him.
Growling to cover a groan of his own, Kurogane's hands lifted once more and grasped tightly to Fai's hips and lifted him up then jerked him back down. The lithe man above him stifled a cry, his head falling backwards in a tumble of blonde locks with a flash of his white throat and framed by the hood and collar of his white coat. It was that moment that Kurogane realized the sleeves of the magician's coat were rubbing across his chest and nipples as the man moved and felt at his body with those slim fingers that teased and stimulated like nothing he ever remembered. The feeling of that white coat surrounding them and teasing their flesh with its soft and warm fluff was more erotic than he thought possible. He lifted Fai up a fourth time and with a long groan, he thrust his member up into the simmering depths of the other man even as he yanked Fai's hips back down upon him.
Fai's moan ripped from his throat and his back arched above him as he bounced himself a few more times upon his cock. Fai's hands scrambled at Kurogane's chest before finally making their way to his sides and weakly pushing and tugging on Kurogane's hands, "Let go…" he panted.
Frowning, Kurogane's fingers slackened upon the mage's hips and soon found one hand once more pressed to the ground while the other was shoved insistently towards Fai's own raging erection. He felt the man's fingers twine with his and he wrapped their hands together around his member before giving a hard jerk and he stifled a cry as his body arched once more and dropped down onto Kurogane's member to sheath him once more within his quaking body.
Kurogane's mind stopped and all he could do was stare up at the man's pure abandon as he controlled the act of their intimacy. His pace was a steady speed that kept the two teetering upon the edge of falling into ecstasy. "Faster." He groaned in the rumbling way of his, staring up at Fai with a narrowing of his eyes and he tugged faster on his cock, his thumb teasing the head and spreading his cum along his length.
A whimper then a moan wrenched from the blonde and he bounced upon Kurogane harder, but not faster. His fingers curled atop the man's belly and he pushed down on him a bit more before he lifted himself on shaking legs then dropping down with a strangled voice as Kurogane's cock rubbed against him in just the right way and in just the right place yet again.
"Yuui, faster." Kurogane whispered hoarsely.
Fai cried out suddenly, arching his back and thrust his hips several times upon the member already inside him. "Jerk Mom…Mommy h..harder…" He ordered as his voice shook and his breath caught in his throat.
Tightening his fingers upon Fai's cock, Kurogane's wrist picked up speed and his hand gripped him harder, tugging on the member in his hand as he jerked it this way and that while his thumb continued to circle the head. His other hand made its way to join his other hand between the blonde's thighs and he rolled his balls between his fingers, feeling them tighten and quiver now and then.
"Yes… Kuro-puu..." Fai panted and hitched as he thrust against the man's fingers before shoving himself down upon the ninja harder, his pace slowly increasing.
Groaning, Kurogane's head fell back for a moment, though his hooded eyes never left Fai's twisted and pleasure distorted visage as he bounced himself faster over him. He had to admit, that look was exotic and sent a jolt of pure pleasure through him that caused his toes to curl as Fai's insides tightened further around him. "Yuui…" He groaned loudly, no longer caring if they were caught.
Fai whimpered and mewed, his mouth open and gasping as Kurogane's hips thrust up into him as he dropped onto him and his member was jerked faster. His brows knitted together and his blue eye stayed locked upon Kurogane's face before he cried out, his head thrown backwards once more within the fluffy hood and his back arching as he rammed himself down onto Kurogane's cock and wriggled as his member pulsed and shot a stream of white cum from his body to coat Kurogane's chest.
Moaning in enjoyment Kurogane arched his own back to thrust his member up into the hot embrace of Fai's body. With a sudden jerk, his one hand grasped the back of Fai's neck and the other slipped under a thigh and he rolled over, throwing the blonde to the ground as he shoved himself into his body. Fai's scream of pleasure sent an uneven series of thrusts into the man's body and Kurogane groaned and panted, holding his thigh atop his shoulder and he moved fast and hard, stroking his member within the grasping tightness and watching the blonde's sated but lusty features twist and turn in delight at the post-orgasmic stimulation.
"Yuui," Kurogane hissed and the man cried out, arching under him and jerking his hips up against Kurogane's as the man practically howled as his member twiched and pumped within the blonde's body, spilling his release into him and causing the both of them to grow still at the same moment.
Fai collapsed in the cold dirt, his cheek pressed to the collar of his coat with his hands up near his head and his legs splayed around the panting ninja. He moaned and arched his back faint with a gasp then relaxed once again as Kurogane's arm shook and his weight began to settle upon him.
"Ooooh… oooh, Daddy… so good…" Fai purred and trembled and his foot slowly trailed along Kurogane's thigh just to feel him.
He grunted and hid his face against Fai's neck before he began to nuzzle and suckle on his flesh, breathing him in and enjoying this post coital haze.
Fai began to whimper and tremble suddenly with a quiver running through his thighs. "How did you end up on top?" He whined in a breathy whisper.
A stifled laugh escaped Kurogane's throat and the man pulled away just enough to stare down at the still glowing blonde. "You finished too soon. A good Seme always finishes last." He lifted a hand and laid it along his jaw and cheek, his thumb stroking at the flush in Fai's cheeks and his eyes drinking in the thoroughly ravished magician beneath him. His voice locked up in his throat as Fai's eye opened just a sliver and he stared up at him from the corner of his eye with a faint smile hovering across his lips.
He was erotica-incarnate. There was no other way to describe the sultry look and the little purr that escaped the mage's lips as his toes teased Kurogane's butt before trailing down along his thigh to glide over his calf. To only intensify his sex god status, the white coat curled and tucked around and over him in an erotic modesty that still left him vulnerable to further ravishment. It was a sight to behold and Kurogane drank him in, wanting to burn his visage within his mind's eye to keep that image with him forever so if he ever went blind, he would still see him, see Yuui, like this, till the end of his days.
"You only said my name twice." Fai whispered and sighed satisfactorily as that flickering smile grew a bit more.
Kurogane's lips grazed over the smaller man's elegant cheek bone and down to his ear, "Three times," he corrected him smugly.
A mew was his first response as he shivered from the man's ministrations upon his skin. "Sorry, three times. But still, I thought Kuro-kun would say it more than that."
Kurogane turned his head and fluttered kisses along his jaw, "Yuui, Yuui, Yuui, Yuui. I'll say it as many times as you want."
Fai stifled a gasp and his body trembled as the kisses traveled along his neck then back to his face, though they still ignored each other's lips for the time being. "Mmmm, you're going to make Mommy all hot and bothered again." He whispered, "Though Daddy probably wouldn't mind." He teased and lifted his hips faintly to push against the other man's hips.
A grunt was all Fai got in answer, but that was enough and the mage chuckled.
"Yuui," Kurogane whispered against his cheek and gave his ear a faint nudge with his nose while his fingers trailed over the thigh that was still trapped in the crook of his arm. He bowed his head towards him, staring down at Fai intently as he tried to gather his thoughts together to ask him what he so desperately wanted to know. His lips parted but nothing came out. He searched Fai's face, trying to convey his questions, but he didn't know how to say it. For the first time in as long as he knew the mage, he couldn't say what he wanted to ask him so bluntly about. He could only stare down at him and he found his arms and hands were tightening around the blonde as though afraid he might try to run away once again.
Slowly, Fai's arms lifted from the ground to wrap about his dark lover's shoulders and he buried his hand into his black hair. "I changed my mind." He answered him simply, his blue eye staring directly into Kurogane's and not once wavering.
Kurogane's lips closed and he watched the mage's face closely as it softened and his body relaxed further like a lounging feline. He hadn't seen him look that way in so long, it was both refreshing and nostalgic. "Don't change your mind again." He ordered in a grunt.
A bubbling giggle escaped Fai's lips and he purred as he leaned up closer, brushing their lips together ever so faintly so he could whisper to him, "If I do, I give you permission to fuck me into a wall again to remind me why I wanted to stay."
Smirking, the ninja simply bowed his head and pressed their lips together, capturing the man's lips against his own for the first time that evening.
This didn't solve anything, they still had to rescue Sakura, they still had to deal with the clone, they still had so much to do in order to succeed; and then there was the matter of what would happen to the two of them if Kurogane ever did find his home world and what would Fai wish to do then; but it a moment of joy. It was their time to linger in a moment that was strickly set in the 'now' that no one could touch but them.
Shaoran didn't know what to think. He couldn't sleep, not after having accidentally witnessing that. Gratefully Fai had erected a magical barrier around themselves – whether it was intentional or subconscious – the barrier had encased them in silence seconds after he had shoved himself down onto Kurogane.
The boy dug the heels of his palms into his eyes and whimpered – perhaps being blind did have its benefits.
At least he didn't have to hear them; but damnit, why did he have to wake up right at that moment? Why? It was like the god's were laughing at their favorite trauma-puppet yet again!
At least Sakura didn't see it…
oh my bloody hell . this so did not turn out how I had envisioned it in my head! I'm sorry, it's a horrible mess… but at the same time, I think it strangely fits with my first Tsubasa RC fic I did. 'Yuui' was the inspiration for this one – though in my opinion you would never guess it because this one sucked monchies.
But like I said, it does sorta fit. One person nitpicked at 'Yuui' on my fanfic account last time and pointed out this or that that they didn't like in the story. At first I was sad, then I was mad, then I sorta agreed with them, then after re-reading it several times, I came to the conclusion that I still think I was right-on for where I was going with the emotional state Y!Fai was in at the time. So this is Y!Fai a week later after having given himself and Kurogane space to think things over; and Y!Fai takes a stand against Kurogane. But I don't know… I sorta of see Y!Fai as desperate to just be close to someone even though he won't allow himself to be close. I know it's a contradiction, but I think he's so desperate to be close to someone, he'll substitute sex for an emotional connection.
That's my take on it o.0 but it's also 1:00am in the morning and I have work at 6:00am and I really should be in bed. So this post sucks. I'll leave it at that. Don't flame me too bad. My feelings are tender – but I know this story wasn't very good so… well… flame away:D
Melissa the Damgel
(P.S. edited on 8/9 at midnight because for some reason Fanfic put the whole story in underlines... yeah... sorry o.0 didn't notice that till i got a review stating it as such. oops.)