Title: Procedural Documentation
Author: Koi Lungfish
Disclaimer: Based on characters and situations from The Transformers ((c) 1986 Hasbro, Ltd). Used without permission. Text (c) 2007, Koi Lung Fish (Mark of Lung. All Rights Reserved.)
Subject: Scrapper knows what Hook likes.
Continuity: G1 cartoon.

"I have here the procedural documentation for replacing the third sub-junction of the subsidiary transformation manifold in a Seeker's upper thoracic chassis," Scrapper said.

"You flirt," Hook breathed, putting down the circuit board he was working on. Nobody else was in the supply chamber. From the machine room next door came the regular thump-thump-thump of Bonecrusher working the radial-hinge cold-press. Hook spread out his hands and rested them gently on the table, careful to exert equal pressure in proportion to length and force-potential of each digit. "All right. Give it to me. Slowly."

Scrapper made a show of setting his drafting pen down and calibrating his vocaliser. " 'Once the Seeker is prepared in accordance with the procedural documentation outlined in -' "

"Skip the foreplay," Hook interrupted hoarsely.

"All right. 'First remove the six latch-pins connecting the third sub-junction to the subsidiary transformation manifold with a B-23-head levering tool, applied at an angle of no more than 30 degrees from the direction of connection and with no greater than seven newtrons of direct force. Ensure that the latch-pin heads are securely fixed in the vertical position.' "

Hook's outermost left finger twitched, ever so slightly. Scrapper paused for a fraction of a second, the reflected light in his optic shifting as he re-pressurised the crystal to focus on Hook's perturbation.

" 'Now locate the loading bar on the outermost side of the sub-junction, as illustrated in diagram 2b -' "

"You didn't tell me there were diagrams!" Hook wailed.

Scrapper's optic band shifted. "We'll save those for later. Now, 'Securing the loading bar firmly in your manipulating device, applying no less than twelve newtrons of direct force and no more than thirty newtrons of direct force per square segbit -' "

Hook whimpered, his outermost fingers quivering.

" '-slowly and carefully extract the sub-junction by pulling on the loading bar. Take great care to extract the sub-junction no further than seven segbits and no less than five segbits. Under no circumstances attempt to pull the sub-junction further out. Do not raise or lower the sub-junction by more than zero point eight segbits.' "

"Scrapper, please!" Hook protested. "Don't read so quickly!" The quiver had spread into his hands, gently shivering on the tabletop.

"Bonecrusher only has seven hundred radial-hinges to do," Scrapper replied. " 'Locate the three universal transdata cables -' "

Hook gasped; Scrapper knew what reading the full acronym out did to him.

" 'Detach the cables by grasping the chassis-end plug and applying precisely three newtrons of pull. Re-secure the loading bar using exactly the same manipulator settings as before and extract the sub-junction until it is free of the loading slot's parallel rails. The sub-junction is now completely removed."

Hook's hands jittered. "Don't stop now!" he pleaded.

Scrapper chuckled. " 'Load the replacement unit or repaired sub-junction into the loading slot.' "

A shiver went through Hook; this was always the best bit.

" Taking extreme care to ensure that the loading slot's parallel rails and the sub-junction's parallel bars are precisely aligned -' Shall I read that again?"


" 'Ensure that the loading slot's parallel rails and the sub-junction's parallel bars are precisely aligned and that there is no more than one degree vertical discrepancy -' "

Hook gasped and slammed his hands down on the table, fingers vibrating. The shock as each hypersensitive digital unit contacted the table, the texture of the surface, the awareness of each motor cable, tensor and hinge - a shudder went through his whole body, jolting him to his feet.

Scrapper reached over and stroked the back of his left hand. Hook moaned and sat down heavily.

"That was a good one," Scrapper said, still running his fingers over the back of Hook's hand.

"Indeed." Hook rested his right hand over Scrapper's. "I don't suppose you'd consider -"

"Finishing the document?"

"Helping me spool up my jib cable? I seem to have gotten rather out of control."

Author's notes & addenda:

Feedback always welcomed.