Crack! And my first Death Note Fiction
What If Death Note was dubbed by 4kids?
The rep from 4kids was straightening her tie. The characters from Death Note were about to come in for their briefing on the 4kids dub over of there show. There was a knock on the door.
"Let them in" She said.
"Will do miss happy-smiley-rainbows"
Light Yagami walked into the room, with an attractive girl on either arm. Misa on his left, Takada on his right. L walked in afterwards, eating strawberry pocky (the best flavor). Watari followed, with his hat placed tidily on his head. The rest of the Yagamis, the Police force, the Spk, and Ryuk and Rem walked in after them.
"Are we missing anyone?" Miss Happy-smiley-rainbows asked.
"Mello, Near, the Mafia, Teru, Ray and Naomi." L stated.
"Well, we'll have to start without them, our satellites show that there are a bunch of one piece fans outside, who have been picketing so long that they don't know we sold it to funamation. And they tend to get rowdy when they see a new show were about to ruin, I mean dub" Miss Happy-Smiley-Rainbows said, with a big grin.
"Right, well, what changes do you intend on making?" Light asked
"Well, first, the name of the show is too dark. We think were going to call it "The Magic Note Book" as that gives the same idea of what the show is about!"
Everyone's jaw's dropped.
"You're changing it to The Magic Note Book? That is such a dumb name!" The Mafia said, walking into the door way.
"Well, our leaders like it, so, were also going to have to make a few costume changes. Ryuk, we think you may be a bit scary for young children, so were going to make you into a happy bunny!"
"Even if it isn't boring, I wont do it!" Ryuk yelled.
"we'll give you apples!"
"four for every scene your in"
Ryuk screamed as he transformed into a horrible mutation of the Easter bunny.
"Ryuk, have some pride as a shinagami!" Rem whispered.
"Screw it, they're giving me apples!" Ryuk started to do the apple dance.
"Rem, because we are anti homosexual at 4kids, were going to have to make you a Male shinagami"
"I am not homosexual. I love Misa like a sister"
"Well, too bad!"
At that, Rem's voice dropped, and she became a male.
"What did we miss?" Matt and Mello walked through the door, holding hands.
"Oh! Speaking of Gender changes, Mello, you're now officially Female"
"WHAT!?" Mello yelled, pulling out a gun.
"No visible guns in 4kids, only invisible ones!"
Instantly, Mello's gun turned invisible.
"Wait, didn't you say he was going to become female? Why?" Matt asked.
"Yes, I did, well, first of all, his clothing is too tight to be male, he is in front of several naked women during the series, and there's the whole implied Mello loves matt thing. And Mello is much more female looking then you are Matt"
"Fuck this!" Mello yelled, as his voice got noticeably higher.
"Nothing happened" L observed.
"he's girly enough looking, we didn't need to change much"
The other characters began laughing.
Takada, Teru, Near and the Mafia walked in.
"now now, Michelle Keel is your new real name, but we'll keep Mello as your code name"
"This sucks, why do I suddenly feel the need to buy shoes and cut my chocolate intake" Mello, now female asked.
"Now now, there's time for that later. Now we need to talk about name changes. Light shall remain light, but your last name is now Greenstein. Sochiro, your now Samson, Seyu your now Sammy. Matsuda is now Mark, Awaza is now Arnold. Misa your name is Micha. Ide is now Freed, L's fake name Is still L, but Ryuzaki is now Zachary, Teru your Terry, and Takada your Taylor. Ryuk is now simply known as bunny, Rem your name is frank, and shinagami are just now called creatures, and the Mafia is now just going to be a club" Miss Happy-Smiley-Rainbows said.
"WHAT!!???" Everyone screeched.
"The series is now taking place in New York City"
"That makes no sense, being the highest tested kid in AMERICA!? That is nowhere near as impressive as being the highest tested kid in Japan" Light said.
"And you're studying for your SAT's, not college entrance exam"
"this is bullshit"
"Okay, well, now for voice changes, as the series is taking place in New York, the police will have Brooklyn accents. The Greenstein's will have long island accents, Micha you will have a Boston accent. Near, L and Watari will have British accents, Mello will have a Russian accent, matt will have an Irish brogue. The SPK will now have southern accents. "
Miss Happy-Smiley-Rainbows took a breath and continued.
"The Creatures will have French accents, and Terry and Taylor will have long island accents as well" She grinned,.
"WHAT!?" Everyone screeched in a jumble of badly imitated accents.
"I will, like, never talk again, wader (Water), Dawg (Dog) Longuyland (Long Island)" Light gasped at the sound of his voice.
"Okay, now that you've all shut up, there are some more changes to be made"
"Sorry were late! We were stuck in a mob of one piece fans" Ray and Naomi walked in, looking a bit worse for wear.
"Oh, its okay"
"Wait, why do they not have accents!?" Mello screeched in her now high pitched Russian accent.
"Because, oh this is the next change, were cutting there arc from the show"
"WHAT!? there Arc is important! I get to kill them!" Light Greenstein yelled.
"Well, we like to cut arcs like that! Look at one piece, look at Tokyo mew mew, I mean Mew Mew power, we never even finished that one!"
"Wait, they get out of all these changes, consider yourselves lucky!" Takada yelled.
"Bye, have fun with the magic note book!" Ray yelled.
"Were going to get married now, in Vegas!" Naomi yelled.
Both of them got as far away from that cruddy project as possible.
"Now, we don't like to emphasize death here. Instead Light wants to be a do-gooder and send people to a magical rehabilitation center until they can be a upstanding member of society, but Mello, Near, and L don't want the world to change."
"Wait, the whole point is that nobody is right or wrong, and that viewers get to decide who's side there on" Samson Greenstein argued.
"Well, we don't like our anime to be that complex"
"Fuck this, I'm out of here" About half the characters yelled.
"Not so fast, you're all under contract. Were going to throw away the script and make our own, filled with funny puns and all that fun stuff! Now there's also no smoking, and no cursing. And for the final change, were not going to record our own song for the opening."
Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.
"Instead, were going to use an awful hit song. Its called Rehab!"
"NOOOOOO!!!!" Everyone yelled.
"Wait! One second! How is a show like this going to appeal to the T+ audience, 16 and up?" L asked.
Great going L, you may just save us!
"Well, here at 4kids we make our shows to appeal to kids 6 to 11. so were going to change it to keep the ratings up. Now when you get on set, don't be surprised if a few things are changed around, we don't like having all the religious references, or writing, in the background. And most of the black, or revealing costumes have been changed as well. Well, have fun out there!"
And with that. Miss happy-Smiley-Rainbows got on her broomstick and went to another meeting, where the heads of 4kids decided which show to ruin next.
Well, there it is.
Remember this fic when you go complaining about "How Bad" the VIZ dub is going to be. It could be 4kids dubbing it.