Hello again, it's me, your insane sister with the lousy job. Still slowly driving myself crazy with the research, and still actively hoping for something better to come along. Any news for me yet? Please tell me you're going to save me; I'd owe you my life!
How have you been? Our letters recently have been fewer and farther in between. Busy traveling, still? Is that why you've been quiet? I hope you're collecting souvenirs for me. That's our deal, remember? You can see the world, but only if you bring it back to me.
I'll have to keep this short... I'm running out to dinner with mum. I hope you'll answer soon, anyways. I've missed you very much.
See you soon (I hope!),
Dear sir or madam,
Your owl has gotten confused. You see this letter you've written, which I am returning so that you might get it to the person it was intended for, has appeared in my window sill instead of that of someone who cares. I can only assume it was meant for someone who likes that you were born and is not in fact disgusted by the prospect of having you in their debt. Unlike myself, you see.
I also assume that your relative is traveling the world to escape your incessant and, what I can only describe as, sickeningly sweet chatter. (This is said with more than a grain of disdain, in case your giggling got in the way of reading my tone correctly.) If this is the case, I suggest that you spend a little of your own money, travel to a remote island, and never return. This is all the world you need to see.
I hope we never cross paths again.
To follow your lead...
D (At least I assume 'G' is your first initial.)
To D; Master of the Universe,
This is a term I use only because of the arrogance and superiority I read in your words, which was both unnecessary and immeasurably impolite. I'm not sure why you felt the need to respond to my (accidentally) delivered letter, because you could have just shooed my owl away. He would have then continued on his journey to Merlin Knows Where my brother is.
I noticed that you didn't even bother to give my bird a drink of water or a treat. I hope that today you'll be a bit more hospitable and allow him to rest, hydrate, and then return to me. If not, then you at least owe Kitty an apology.
I believe you owe myself an apology. Kitty has been instructed not to leave your flat or shack or mansion or hotel room or park bench or rock or whatever your housing situation may be until you've written a reply. I hope you will give me what I ask for even if you cannot bring yourself to mean it.