Disclaimer: Characters not mine, etc.
A/N: Thanks for reviews; my ego is now officially too large for one person. Just a ficlet based off one of the rules - depending on opinion, I may continue to insert these at random points. Warnings for language and slight sexual content.
EDIT: To those wondering where the list went, someone finally got around to reporting this fic. I've therefore taken down the list chapters - you be able to find them on my lj (homepage link on my profile). Not to worry though - I'll get around to writing drabbles for every chapter. Eventually. After exams have destroyed my life and any chance of getting a job. =D
#27. Whoever thought it would be funny to send in porn disguised as mission reports, it wasn't. It's hard enough to get the Intelligence officers to do work without you doing that.
"You done with that report yet?" Ibiki asked, not looking up from where he was amusing himself by scrawling little-known intimate facts for each ninja in the Bingo Book. Iruka mumbled something incomprehensible – something along the lines off "fuck off" and "camel-fucking squirrel-maiming bastard". Sometimes Ibiki worried about the sanity of his students, but he decided to shrug it off and instead noted down Oyate Hiromi's tendency to wear women's clothing when fighting. Some part of him worried briefly at the sound of Kotetsu snickering, but he chose to dismiss it.
This was a mistake.
"Her breasts were heaving as she knelt over him, gasping for breath, her face wild and twisted," Kenji said, his voice never changing from his typical monotone. "Hiro was unable to tear his eyes from her – it was the first time he'd been beaten by a woman, but suddenly he wasn't regretting it all." There was a pause, before he looked up from the report. "Would you care to explain why you have submitted porn instead of a mission report?"
Ibiki's eyes closed briefly, the only show of emotion he allowed himself. "I apologise for my students' behaviour," he said. He was going to make them pay for this. He was a master of humiliation damnit, and he would not be usurped by his students, even if they apparently had no sense of shame. "If you return the report, I'll see that it's written up properly."
Kenji checked a note stuck to the front of the report and then raised an eyebrow. "Apparently, the Intelligence department has requested it for... further research," he deadpanned. "Please inform your students that they apparently have promising careers as porn writers ahead of them, but if they try slipping it in their reports again I will rip their spines out and then nail their corpses to a wall."
"Sir?" Ibiki said hesitantly.
"Do you know how difficult it is to get Intelligence to do work?" Kenji asked rhetorically. "I'd burn this, but I suspect they've already had copies issued to everyone in the department."
"Ah," Ibiki said.
"This is going on the Rules," Kenji continued.
Ibiki nodded, trying not to wince. They were so dead.
Kenji paused for a moment, as if thinking. "Also, please tell them that page three was especially well done."