Unproper Grammar: So this is my first ever piece of Twilight fanfiction...and it will probably be my last. But, I have to ask: was I the only one who suddenly felt that Jacob needed to...bond with Leah at the end of Eclipse? Please tell me I'm not completely mental, though; I already know I'm slightly insane. :)
Either way, I figured it was an interesting concept. So now you have this. :) Also, I'm not a huge Jacob fan (I like him on a good day) so this was my attempt to sort of...connect with him, if that makes sense.
I also did some random math. Edward and the Cullens moved to Forks in 2003 and met Bella in 2005. Two years have passed since then...so I'm assuming that Edward and Bella's wedding will take place in August 2007, or this month, rather.
Disclaimer and Warnings: I do not own Jacob, Leah, Emily, Bella, Edward, Sam or any of the Cullens. They belong to the incredibly talented Stephenie Meyer.
As a warning, this contains spoilers for Eclipse, so don't get mad at me if you're spoiled. Also, there's a bit of language; you've been warned, so don't gang up on me for that, either. :)
Crawling Towards the Sun
August 11th, 2007.
I shuddered as I looked at the date on the calender in Emily's kitchen. August 11th. This date had been looming over me since the bloodsucker had the nerve to send me the invitation in the first place.
Heh. I know he thought he was being...noble, and maybe in a sense he was. I'm stubborn and, I admit it, slightly close minded at times; but even I could see that it was...nice of him to give me a choice.
That didn't mean I had to make one.
Six hours ago, Isabella Swan married Edward Cullen. It had been the scandal of the year; both only eighteen (though we all knew the leech was practically over a thousand-billion years old) getting married straight out of high school. The local towns people had been taking bets on how long it would last.
I scoffed. They wanted it to last all eternity. Hmph.
She would have been better with me. Things would have been easy, comfortable. She was human and so was I. She wouldn't have to give up her family, her future, her...her soul. But she loved him...and I guess I'd have to accept that.
At least, that's what Emily said.
"Jacob," she had said, softly, "You think you know what's best; that you're clearly the right choice and Edward is the easy way out. You think that since he hurt her in the past, he doesn't deserve her love, her hand in marriage, her eternal commitment. But you seem to be forgetting..." she had glanced down here, her eyes flickering with guilt, "you haven't imprinted on anyone yet. And you will. And you would have left her...and unlike Edward, you couldn't come back.
You wouldn't have a choice."
At that point, I had stood up and slammed the door, angry...just as I did now. I needed fresh air.
Emily was wrong, she just was. She didn't understand! I kicked at a rock on the pathway angrily. If he just hadn't come back, just given me one more year; I'm sure I would have imprinted on her. At least...I hoped I would have.
"So, Jacob Black," a voice thick with venom broke through my thoughts, "thinking about Bella Swan again, are we? I really wish you'd stop. She is married, after all. Billy attended the wedding; he saw it all. She's Mrs. Bella Cullen, now. Future bloodsucker."
I looked up. Leah, in all her mocking glory stood before me, a smirk on her face.
"Shove it, Leah," I muttered, starting to walk past her. I didn't need to deal with her bull, not today.
Her smirk only grew wider, and she picked up the pace, following me. "No, really. I want to know. How does it feel, Jacob, to know that the love of your life thus far has been married off? To your enemy, no less?" she spat. "How does it feel to know that she'll kiss his lips every single day of her life? How does it feel to know that it's his arms that will around her when she's sad, and not yours? How does it feel to know she'll give up every single bit of herself to him, gladly?"
I froze, ready to turn around and strike her if she didn't stop. I was having a hard enough time controlling my emotions as it was lately, especially after my episode in June, after receiving the awful news.
"How does it feel to know she picked him over you? And you thought you were such hot stuff," she chuckled darkly. "Will you finally be able to move on? Or will you continue to mope endlessly?"
"Leah," I said through gritted teeth, "Go fuck yourself. No one else will."
"No, Jacob Black!" she sounded slightly hysterical, "I want to know! How does it feel to know she had no choice in the matter, no chance to even weigh her options, because she will always be tied to him? How does it feel to know that she loved him more than she'll ever love you, and he'll always love her more than you think he deserves to? How does it feel to know that you'll never be good enough, no matter what you do?! How does it feel, Jacob? How the fuck does it feel, huh?!"
I looked at her. I mean, really looked at her. And it was like...for the first time, I was really, really seeing her. Her eyes held an undeniable luster of pain and hurt that I had seen so many times in Bella's eyes in those six months we spent together. Her lips were pressed together and her face flushed, her hair flying wildly behind her.
She looked broken.
It was then, that I knew...we weren't just talking about me.
"How does it feel to just have the one you love just up and leave you, because they 'didn't have a choice'? How does it feel to know that there's a chance you'll be alone forever, just because of..." her voice broke, "fate."
She crumbled then, falling to her knees and pressing her hands to her face. Her shoulders shook and I knew she was crying.
And I hated her, I really did. I hated her for causing so many problems in the pack. I hated her for pretending to be okay with Sam and Emily's relationship, standing on the sidelines, when really she hated them more than anything. I hated that she was catty and rude and shouldn't technically even be one of us. I hated her for rubbing salt in my wounds that hadn't even stopped bleeding yet.
I hated her because now, I knew how she felt. What happened to her heart when Sam left her.
And in some inexplicable action, something that I will probably deny as much as I can, shoving the image to the back of my mind to avoid everyone thinking of it, I walked over to her, bent down and placed my arms around her. Her tears were hot as she crumpled into me, clinging to my shoulder.
"I-I'm s-sorry, Jacob," she hiccuped, her body racked with sobs. "I'm so, so sorry."
And we stayed like that for a while, the holes in our chests growing larger from the pain that may never heal. But at least we knew...we weren't alone in that category.
"You wanted to be her sun, Jacob," Emily had said, her voice strained, eyes comforting and concerned, "You wanted to warm her days, give her life. But he's the moon and he'll always be the moon. And the moon aways conquers over the sun during an eclipse. It's unavoidable and terribly hard to look at...but it's the way things work."