'My name is DCI Gene Hunt I was top of my game in 1973 till some bastard who couldn't drive to save his life knocked me down. Next thing I knew I woke up in 1799 on a ship in the middle of the ocean and everyone is calling me Hobbs. Have I travelled back in time, or am I nuts or lying in a coma? Maybe if I figure out why I'm here I can find out how to get home. Why am I speaking to myself like this? It's not like this is a TV show or anything.'
'I woke up lying in a stinking hammock wearing some poncey fancy dress with some pillock bellowing at me to shake a leg 'cause I'm wanted on deck. So I says to him…'
"Go get stuffed! I'm not going anywhere. I give the orders round here."
"No you don't, sir. The captain gives the orders. Now will you kindly go on deck?"
"Nope." 'Then the coward goes running off.' "Go crying to your mum then! Pansy!"
'When he came back there was this burly bloke in a similar uniform accompanying the young pup.'
"Mr Hobbs," growled the uniformed bloke.
"My name aint Hobbs, it's Hunt."
"Sir-," the officer prompted.
"You will show respect for a superior officer."
"Who do you think you are then?"
"You know who I am 'obbs."
"Refresh my memory…sir."
"This is insubordination. I will inform Captain Sawyer of this and have you clapped in irons."
"Lieutenant Wolfe, sir," cried a voice through the hatchway. "There's a French sail three points to starboard."
"I'll deal with you later. Do your duty and you might be shown some mercy."
'A Flogging! I'll bloody flog that weasel myself next time I see him. See how he bleedin likes it having the flesh from his back torn out. Oooh, that canes. The todying whatsit is going to get what he deserves. If there's one thing I know it's if you get in with the boss things get a whole lot easier. Especially if you can get some dirt on him.'
'Getting caught up in a full blown battle is not my idea of a fun, give me a bottle of Jack Daniels instead any day. But the cogs in my head have been turning. I've worked out how I'm going to get home. If this is a dream than if I get knocked out or killed then I'll wake up in some nice cosy bed with some bird in a nurses outfit tending to my every whim.'
'I didn't ask for this. This is not bloody fair. All the heat, noise and the blood…and I had a corpse, no you couldn't even call it a corpse the state it was in, came flying past and knocked me down. I've never seen the like before and I've seen plenty of horrific things in my career. Half the crew strewn across the deck till it was a pool of blood.' He ran his fingers through his hair as he tried not to let his hand shake. Voices in my head, lots of voices all speaking at once. He's tachycardic…life signs spiking. It's like he's preparing to fight. 'I was bricking It, but Gene Hunt doesn't get scared, he just doesn't…he can't…he won't…There I go again speaking in the third person. Why do I do that? My head,' increase the dosage…but doctor…do it!
'The shaking has stopped but I'm not taking any chances. It's a blumin tragedy. I'm not a pansy with soppy feelings. This is not my world. I want to get back where I belong, now!'
"Gene Hunt does not wear poncey stockings like a big girls blouse," he growled to himself, hitting his fist against the wooden sides of the ship.
"The Captain wants to see you," said the Midshipman from just out of reach of a good right hook.
"Piss Off! The Gene Genie does not take orders from spotty oiks not yet out of short trousers."
"Bite me," snapped Hunt stepping forward as if he were going to strike the midshipman, but at the last minute restraining himself. "You're not worth it. Break too easily."
"I'll report you to the captain. Striking an officer is a court martial offence."
"Court Marshal my arse."
"Hello," said the little woman standing beside his hammock. 'Strange thing is she looks like the figurehead.'
"Hello, luv. You fancy a bit of the Gene Genie?"
"Dear, me. You're still full of crap aren't you? All mouth and no trousers."
"That can be arranged."
"Take a look at yourself…and consider what you are, what you are becoming. Once you figure out your true self, then-,"
'She started to move back with the walls further and further away.'
"Hey! Where you going? You didn't finish what you were saying! Come back! Come back, that's an order!"
'Hauled up in front of the big guy…not that big guy, I mean the captain. An owl-like old codger with eyes that darted about like 'e were afraid. Allo, I thought he's got some thing to hide.'
"Mr Hobbs," growled Captain Sawyer. "Idle hands are - in a coma. There's nothing we can do - Has the cat got your tongue?"
'What? I was sure I heard him talking with another voice for a moment. Don't have a clue what the old duffer is on about.'
"Responsibility that's what you need to keep you out of trouble. Guv, Guv, can you hear me?"
'It's that winy Tyler's voice. What the blummin eck is going on? My head is pounding like I've drunk a whole party seven all to myself. The pounding like a drum beat…argh!'
"Are you still with us? I won't have an imbecile on my crew!"
"Sorry, sir," I mumbled. "Did you hear…oh, it doesn't matter-,"
"Spit it out! No need to be shy."
"I can hear voices, sir."
"You too...we must stick together you and I, against them."
"Against who? The Voices?"
"No. The backstabbers who masquerade as officers. Your name Hobbs isn't it?
"Yeah, like the biscuits…sir."
"I have a proposition for you."
'Ay-up this sounds a bit suspect. I'm not going to be no cabin boy.'
"I…I can't be everywhere and they're always plotting. I need a spy, someone to keep an eye out for me. If you can be my eyes and ears I'll see you right."
"You watch my back and I'll watch yours, sir."