Yes...this is what happens when I have nothing to do. It's all random, and there are no spoilers I can think of. This is hopefully the first of many chapters like this, with the most random pairings I can come up with.
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, thankfully. Otherwise I'd have to deal with rabid fans. I do, however, own this story and most of its content, but you can steal that as long as you don't kill anybody. :).
I also think that most people read this one and then think the rest of them are along these lines. Well, they are. But they're mainly heterosexual couples after this one, which I couldn't resist. And I think I get better at these as I go along.
Here is a list of the pairings I've done so far:
1. Soi Fon/Shihouin Yoruichi 2. Soi Fon/Zaraki Kenpachi 3. Kuchiki Rukia/Kuchiki Byakuya 4. Soi Fon/Ayasegawa Yumichika 5. Shihouin Yoruichi/Kuchiki Byakuya 6. Hinamori Momo/Ichimaru Gin 7. Soi Fon/Yamada Hanatarou 9. Kurosaki Ichigo/His Hollow 10. Ise Nanao/Kyoraku Shunsui 11.Matsumoto Rangiku/Hitusgaya Toushiro 12 & 13. Hinamori Momo/Hitsugaya Toushirou 15. Kuchiki Rukia/Kurosaki Ichigo 16. Inoue Orihime/Kurosaki Ichigo 17. Soi Fon/Urahara Kisuke 18. Kurosaki Karin/Hitsugaya Toushiou 20. Arisawa Tatsuki/Abarai Renji 21. Kuchiki Rukia/Abarai Renji 22.Soi Fon/Kuchiki Byakuya 24. Soi Fon/Hitsugaya Toushirou 25. Kusajishi Yachiru/Kuchiki Byakuya 27. Kurotsuchi Nemu/Madarame Ikkaku 28. Hinamori Momo/Zaraki Kenpachi 29. Unohana Retsu/Kotetsu Isane 30. Shiba Kuukaku/Kurotsuchi Mayuri 31. Shihouin Yoruichi/Ishida Uryuu 32. Shiba Kuukaku/Yamamoto-Genryusai Shigekuni 33. Iemura/Random Aliens 34. Unohana Retsu/Sado Yasutora (Chad) 35. Shihouin Yoruichi/Hitsugaya Toushirou 37. Kurosaki Ichigo/Kuchiki Byakuya 40. Shihouin Yoruichi/Urahara Kisuke 41. Unohana Retsu/Zaraki Kenpachi
1. When Unohana-taichou told Yoruichi she was pregnant, Yoruichi thought she was joking. It took thirty minutes and two more tests to convince her otherwise.
2. She then spent the rest of the day convincing Soi Fong that she hadn't cheated on her. It involved calling Kisuke, Kuukaku, and several other people.
3. They now have three children - Soi'ichi, Yoruko, and Riari.
4. They almost stopped having children after Soi'ichi. Yoruko maintains it's because Soi'ichi has a stick up her ass. Soi Fong and Yoruichi have yet to comment, but Soi'ichi's behavior as a child can't be the reason there's almost four hundred years between Soi'ichi and Yoruko. Soi'ichi was perfectly composed as a child. She was mature when she was five.
5. Yoruko is the only one of the three who can turn into a cat. She uses this talent ruthlessly, escaping all the time.
6. Yoruko has walked in on Soi Fong and Yoruichi so many times that all three of them have lost count, and it no longer bothers any of them, and Yoruko hides in their room from Soi'ichi because Soi'ichi does not want to walk in on her parents. She hasn't yet.
7. Besides Yoruichi and Soi Fong, Yoruko is the only person who knows they've had sex in every division office. She knows this because she walked in on them in every office. Neither of her parents are sure if this was intentional or not.
8. Yoruichi is absolutely positively sure that Riari was conceived on Yamamoto's desk.
9. Yoruichi desperately wanted to name Riari Shaolin, but Soi Fong shot it down. There was no way that their child was going to be named Shaolin. So Yoruichi (who named the other two with minimal input from Soi) asked her to come up with a name, and Soi came up with Riari.
10. The only reason she could even come up with Riari is because she'd met someone named Riari that day.
11. It's a good thing, too, otherwise Riari would've been named 'Third'. Soi Fong's not that good with names.
12. Riari is the nudist of the family. She even beats Yoruichi. But Yoruko is the devious one. And Soi'ichi is the one with a huge sense of responsibility.
13. Contrary to popular belief, Yoruko is the next Shihouin-sama. Yoruichi and Soi Fong only managed to get married three months before Yoruko's birth, so Soi'ichi is out of the running because she's illegitimate. Neither Yoruko nor Soi'ichi is happy with this situation.
14. Because she's going to be the next Shihouin-sama, Yoruko is the second division vice-captain. Her main job is to distract people to keep them from walking in on her parents.
15. The only person that she's ever completely failed with is Ise Nanao, who is the only person in the entire Gotei 13 who is more anal about getting her work done than Soi'ichi.
16. So when Ise Nanao became a captain, they gave her Soi'ichi as a vice-captain. It has worked amazingly well, and now Hinamori has a vice-captain she's not afraid of.
17. Yoruko's first words were "Don't touch me, pervert." She said them to Urahara Kisuke. She then turned into a cat and scampered off.
18. This was Yoruichi's first inkling that Yoruko was going to be trouble. Soi Fong couldn't have been prouder of her child calling Kisuke a pervert.
19. Yoruko still calls Kisuke pervert. In fact, she's never called him anything else.
20. Soi'ichi also calls Kisuke pervert, but that's only in the privacy of the bedroom.
21. Yoruko has walked in on them, too. Soi'ichi hit her with a frying pan for that one.
22. Two weeks later, Soi'ichi walked in on Yoruko and Kanaye, the eldest Kuchiki boy. Yoruko then hit Soi'ichi with a frying pan and made her a deal - if she didn't say anything about Kanaye, Yoruko wouldn't say anything about Kisuke.
23. Yoruichi has an inkling of who her elder daughters are sleeping with, but she's got the partners backwards. Soi Fong acts like she doesn't have a clue, but Yoruko has a sneaking suspicion that she knows more than she lets on.
24. Byakuya and Rukia also have no idea who their son is sleeping with. Yoruko and Kanaye don't think Rukia will care, but Byakuya is a different story. Byakuya is the only person who sort of scares Yoruko. Kanaye lives in constant fear of Yoruichi and Soi Fong. He prays to every god he knows of that if Yoruko gets pregnant, they won't kill him.
25. Both Soi'ichi and Yoruko found their bankai in less than three days. Now, they go spare against each other weekly, mainly to keep themselves from killing each other.
26. Yes, they really don't get along. Soi'ichi is very responsible, mature, calm, composed. Yoruko's favorite stunt is to play practical jokes on people, and she uses her cat form to escape from her responsibilities. If she's not up to something, she's planning something.
27. Yoruko keeps her clothes on, so she's always wearing something when she comes out of cat form. It's Riari nobody can keep clothes on.
28. Yoruko is the only one who can get clothes on Riari. Yoruichi helps occasionally, but it's Yoruko's talent.
29. She's also very good at stealing people's clothes. Much to Kanaye's chagrin.
30. Riari and Soi'ichi both have eyes between Yoruichi's and Soi Fong's, but Yoruko's eyes are just as yellow as Yoruichi's. She also has purple hair, but everybody thinks she looks more like Soi Fong.
31. Soi Fong is the one who helps Yoruko plan and occasionally execute her devious escapades. Yoruichi is well acquainted with Soi Fong's devious side.
32. Yoruichi is Kaasan, Soi Fong is Shikaasan. Kisuke tried to get Soi'ichi to call Soi Fong Otousan, but it didn't work, and Yoruko doesn't take any of his suggestions. She just hits him with something and yells "Pervert!" whenever he tries to talk to her. He hasn't met Riari yet.
33. Whenever Soi'ichi goes out with the other vice-captains, her parents' relationship comes up. Mainly, it's who's seme and who's uke. Most of them think that Yoruichi is dominant.
34. After several times, Soi'ichi complained to Yoruko about it. Yoruko then told her with a straight face that it was the other way around.
35. Soi'ichi has stopped going out with the other vice-captains.
36. Yoruko liked to call them Shikaasan-seme and Kaasan-uke. Yoruichi broke her of that habit very fast. It was more than slightly embarrassing when she called them that in front of Kuukaku.
37. She still calls them that occasionally, if just to see Yoruichi blush. Soi Fong thinks it's hilarious that Yoruko can get Yoruichi to blush so easily. It really should be the other way around.
38. Yoruichi finds Soi'ichi sense of responsibility endearing, as it reminds her of Soi Fong. She's also found out that Yoruko acts way too much like her, and really does enjoy blowing things up.
39. Especially the eighth division's paperwork. And that was the day Ise Nanao walked in on Soi Fong and Yoruichi. Ise is still recovering from the shock. Yoruko feels so sorry for her she's stopped blowing up her paperwork and has begun chasing down Kyoraku-taichou for her (and he is now VERY afraid of Yoruko and gets his paper work done on time).
40. Even though they're complete opposites and almost never get along, Soi'ichi and Yoruko are considered the best fighting pair in the Gotei-13. As a pair, they've never lost a fight. People are beginning to take bets on which one of them will be the next First Division Captain.
41. Neither of them wants the job.
42. When told about the betting pool, Yoruichi visibly shuddered at the thought of one of them in charge of the Gotei-13.
43. Both Yoruichi and Soi Fong think that Riari would be a better choice for Soutaichou. Even though she can't keep her clothes on.
44. Then Yoruko made a crack about what the uniforms (or the lack thereof) would look like.
45. And surprisingly, Soi'ichi actually laughed at that joke. So maybe she and Yoruko do get along. Just a little bit.