Hey, look, it's a puppy!

No, seriously, it's a puppy.

LOOK AT THE FUCKING PUPPY ALREADY, OKAY??

You guys are seriously hard to distract from my lack of updates. ;_; (oh, wow, that emoticon looks really, really stupid on my computer and grammar check told me to fix it! Sweet!)

So, um, anyway, here's an update. Eventually. I have no idea how long this will take me. HOCRAP it's been a long time since I've done one of these. School – it eats your soul. And your creativity! (And I bet none of you will read those the way I said them in my head)

Because you complain if I don't announce, this one is Ishida Uryuu and Inoue Orihime.

ALSO, in other news, I have decided my OTC (one true crack) is Yachiru and Suìfēng, because it cracks me up just to think about it. I think I will revisit that pairing.

Which reminds me, I need to work on my torture of Yoruichi…

1. There was just something about the look on Ishida Ryuuken's face that made everything worth it.

2. Yes, even the being chased by Tatsuki, Ichigo, and even Chizuru (though Chizuru was crying the whole time and Tatsuki and Ichigo just screamed curses)

3. Uryuu still thinks it isn't fair.

4. As a matter of fact, according to Uryuu, it's all Ichigo's fault.

5. Well, maybe he had some help from Kisuke.

6. After all, Kisuke was the one who threw the part with "unlimited" booze.

7. It wasn't quite that unlimited, everyone realized, once Suìfēng started drinking. It's actually quite scary how high Suìfēng's alcohol tolerance is.

8. And how low Yoruichi's is. Bu that is a story for another time!

9. But Ichigo was the one who challenged Uryuu to a drinking contest and got him drunk, which led to the aforementioned fault.

10. However, neither Ichigo, nor Tatsuki, nor Chizuru would listen to him.

11. It didn't even matter that Orihime was stone-cold sober that night.

12. Mainly because both Tatsuki and Chizuru were in attendance, so Tatsuki made sure that Orihime just drank soda so that Chizuru didn't have the opportunity to molest a drunken Orihime.

13. On the flip side, it meant that Orihime got to molest (and seduce) a drunken Ishida.

14. Courtesy of Kurosaki Ichigo.

15. The reason for such an action is because they had been dating for over a year and NOTHING HAD HAPPENED.

16. Again, courtesy of Kurosaki Ichigo. With some help from Arisawa Tatsuki.

17. They both (separately) threatened him with bodily harm if he EVER did anything to Orihime.

18. Never mind the fact that Orihime wanted him to do all sorts of things to her.

19. Which is why she took the opportunity to seduce him when he was drunk.

20. Which is how she ended up pregnant.

21. Which is why Uryuu had to go see his father, Ryuuken, and tell him that he would soon be a grandfather.

22. Or maybe it was the fact that Uryuu had signed him up for prenatal care.

23. The same way he signed up Ichigo for midnight craving runs.

24. It was really hard to argue with a very angry Orihime at two am in the morning about the availability of Cadbury's Eggs in July.

25. And Orihime wouldn't want to distract her husband (both Tatsuki and Ichigo insisted – while Chizuru cried – that they get married before having the baby) from making the baby's clothes or linens or curtains, now would she?

26. They named their son Souken, in honor of Uryuu's grandfather.

27. The first time Ryuuken held his grandson, he held him at arm's length.

28. Souken still managed to spit up on him. A lot.

29. It was the beginning of life-long enmity between Souken and his grandfather.

30. It was not helped by the fact that Souken was a better Quincy than his grandfather.

31. Or by the fact that Souken's main babysitters as a child had been Ichigo and Tatsuki (as revenge for the torture they'd put Uryuu – and Orihime, according to Orihime – through before Souken's birth).

32. Souken never called his grandfather anything nicer than 'pansy'. In fact, he taught his siblings to call him 'pansy' as well.

33. He failed with Taiki, but that's probably because Taiki is a miniature Ryuuken.

34. Taiki even became a doctor, but it is still mentioned that he's the weakest of them.

35. He's also the stupid one of the lot, too. But he's sort of Orihime's favorite because the others tease him so. It's more of a pity thing, though.

36. Masuyo is the one that reminds her baby brother of his shortcomings the least, but that's just because she doesn't ever talk to him.

37. Ever.

38. Not even to pass the salt. You can forget it.

39. It doesn't help that Masuyo is the best of them.

40. She kicked Souken's ass when she was four (and he was about ten, with a good four years of training as a Quincy under his belt).

41. But the way Masuyo tells it, someone's got to be the rash, brave one.

42. Just as someone's got to be the stupid, often underappreciated one.

43. Masuyo's never said it to him (because she doesn't ever talk to him, mainly since she tried once and he gave her the cold shoulder and she's still P-I-S-S-E-D about it), but he's the best at sewing out of them.

44. In fact, she's kept every single one of his projects, including the ones he thought he threw away. Her favorite are the pillowcases he made when he was seven.

45. Masuyo is considering breaking her vow of silence against her younger brother; her pillowcases are fraying and the embroidery's getting pretty ragged. She's going to need new ones soon, and Taiki hasn't attempted pillowcases again since he was seven.