Disclaimer: J. K. Rowling owns all characters depicted in this fic.

Written for the challenge I begrudgingly wrote and then forced my friends to respond to.

Must include the letter 'e'.

Must include the phrase 'I am the Dark Lord of Tap!'

Should mention/ contain the song 'Gay Bar'.

Should include an unexpected career path.

Must include one of the drinking games taught to us by Mr Hall.

Must include a pairing with Severus and a character of your choice.

Must include a trip to a fairground or some other such establishment.

At least three characters should wink during the fic.

Should be set once Harry's generation have left Hogwarts.

Should include an argument which Severus claims was caused by sunglasses.

A Matter of Monogamy

Severus wrinkled his nose against the smell of candy floss and hotdogs and continued to stare disdainfully at the Ferris wheel, guarding his eyes from the sun with one hand. From the top of the Ferris wheel, in a carriage which swung precariously back and forth like the pendulum in a clock, Harry waved enthusiastically and stuck his tongue out, before it lurched forwards again and began its rapid descent. Harry quickly grasped the metal bar in front of him and screamed in childish delight.

Severus frowned. He waited until Harry was close enough to him to be able to catch up before turning on his heel and walking away. Harry rushed to his side and clung to his arm.

"Wait. I want some candy floss."

"Fine. I'll meet you over there. By the teacups." There was the same guarded, defensive tone in his voice which always appeared when he was sulking.

"Oh God, you're not still pissed about last night, are you?"

A pause.


"Liar. You've been moping around all day like somebody ran over your puppy."

"I have a right to be…displeased."

"What right? I'm not even sure what the hell I did wrong!"

"You know the rules, Harry." Harry smiled and glanced at Severus over his glasses, leaning closer to him and softening his voice.

"I thought our relationship had no rules?"

"Don't be coy." Harry dropped the act, stepping back and folding his arms across is chest.

"You're being unreasonable. Where else was I supposed to take him?"

"That's not my problem. You can fuck these strangers at their houses, or whatever tasteless club you find them in, or in a dingy back alley, for all I fucking care," a man standing near them glowered and ushered his children away from them and towards a roller coaster. "But do not bring your flings back to our house!"

"Fine! Would it make you feel better if I let you bring someone back to the house?"

"Unlike you, I don't have a problem keeping some simple ground rules!" Whereas Harry's voice had risen to almost shouting volume, Severus' voice was merely a low hiss.

"Look, I've said I'm sorry, what more do you want?"

"Maybe you could try thinking with your head for once instead of with your d-"

"Draco!" Severus' brow creased and he raised an eyebrow,

"Well, that wasn't what I was going to say…" Harry rolled his eyes and pointed over Severus' shoulder. Severus turned to see Draco strolling towards them, slowing for a moment to glance appreciatively at the backside of a young man (who turned and winked at Draco when he noticed him watching) before reaching them.

As part of their 'know-one-another's-friends' plan a few years previously, the main aim of which was to strengthen their relationship, Harry had spent several awkward meetings with Draco and Severus, whose main role had been as a mediator between the two school-time enemies. (Harry had gotten his own back when Severus was forced to endure a picnic with the Weasleys, an escapade which had ended in the desecration of two deck chairs and a wicker basket, and a sulk which had lasted almost a week and a half.) Finally, Draco and Harry found some common ground; they both preferred dark haired men. Over the next few months, an understanding had grown between the two. It wasn't as close as the friendship he and Ron shared, but it was a friendship nonetheless, and it was always Draco he called when he needed advice or just someone to complain to (generally about Severus).

Having been estranged from one another for several months, it was with pleasant surprise that Harry greeted Draco as they enacted their slightly surreal meeting in the centre of a fairground.

"Harry! Severus!" Harry and Draco shared a brief hug and Severus tried his best to smile. "I must say, this is the last place I'd expect to find you two."

"Believe me, it is the last place I wish to be." Harry elbowed Severus in the ribs lightly.

"Of course, all this glee must be excruciating."

"Well, if someone hadn't needed to step out and buy sunglasses we wouldn't be here in the first place, and maybe I wouldn't be quite as irritable!"

"If we're going into town we might as well make a day of it!"

"I didn't want to leave the house to begin with!" He apologized briefly to Draco and stormed off to stand near the teacups. They stood awkwardly for a moment before Harry smiled, trying to hide his embarrassment.

"So, what have you been up to, stranger?" The excited sparkle came back into Draco's eyes and he fished in his pocket, drawing out a business card.

"I've opened my very own gay bar." Harry blinked and glanced at the card, as if for visual confirmation of what his ears had heard.

"That's…slightly bizarre." Draco laughed.

"Yes, I know. But don't you just feel like smashing your head off a wall sometimes, working at the ministry day after day?" Harry nodded. "I needed to get out of there, to do something fun, you know?"

"Well, as long as you're happy, I wish you the best of luck."

"Thanks. Actually, I was rather hoping you'd make it to the opening night?"

"Of course! I'll try to talk Severus into it. If he'll let me talk to him, that is."

"What's wrong with him, anyway?" Draco managed to hide his genuine concern under the guise of curiosity.

"Oh, nothing I can't deal with." Harry grinned and tipped Draco a wink before giving a small wave and making his way over to Severus.


By the weekend, Severus' mood had improved considerably and he eventually agreed to go to the opening of Draco's club. Never one for parties, he spent most of the night in a quiet corner, drinking slowly and watching his friends dance drunkenly, a small smile resting on his lips.

After closing time, they stayed behind as Draco's guests, along with about twenty others. Somehow Severus was elected chief in a game named Fuzzy Ducks, and was given the responsibility of telling the other players to have a shot when they inevitably failed to pronounce fuzzy ducks correctly, while listening to Gay Bar by Electric 6 thudding from the speakers.

It wasn't until Lucius, inanely inebriated and strangely attractive in muggle clothes, stepped onto the dance floor and yelled 'I am the Dark Lord of Tap!', followed by a very poor attempt at dancing, that Severus noticed Harry wasn't amongst the small crowd of people.

He excused himself from the game and wandered off to find him.


Harry leaned across the bar and reached underneath it for a drink, his feet lifting off the floor slightly. When he turned round he noticed a shadow off to his right, just inside the doorway of the adjoining room. It took him a moment to recognise Draco, dressed casually in jeans and a black shirt of obvious expense. Regardless of the elegance of his clothes, Harry's thoughts started to wander to what lay beneath them.

Draco winked at Harry from the darkness, and that was all the encouragement he needed.


Severus glimpsed Draco kissing Harry and felt the sharp pang of jealousy which hadn't been a problem until recently. He saw his back pressed against the wall, Draco's hands on his waist, Draco's lips on his, and for the first time in their relationship he resented the fact that other men could touch Harry and he could do nothing about it.

Severus turned and left the club, and Harry watched his back receding.


Severus heard the front door crashing shut and heavy footfalls on the stairs but remained where he was, seething quietly at his desk. His rigid form trembled slightly with barely controlled anger.

The solid oak door swung forwards and struck the wall behind it with more force than he would've thought the scrawny man capable of. Flakes of white plaster fell to the floor like snowflakes. Harry stepped into the room and slammed the door shut in one jerky movement.

"Try to keep the doors on their hinges, won't you?" Severus spoke through thin lips and his voice dripped sarcasm like ice.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Harry's hands were balled into fists and his sides, and Severus was willing to bet anything that there would be little half-moon cuts on his palms by the time his fury had abated.

"Use your intelligence, Potter. As limited as it is, I'm sure you'll come to a conclusion."

"Oh God, this isn't because I kissed Draco, is it?" Severus raised an eyebrow and glanced scathingly in his direction for a brief moment.

"Just a kiss, was it?"

"Yes, Snape. Just a kiss. Anyway, what difference does it make? I sleep with other men all the time, as do you! I had a full-blown affair with Neville and you didn't even bat an eyelid!"

"Longbottom is not my godson!"

"So it's one rule for you and another for me is it? You can fuck my godfather, but I can't as much as glance at your godson!"

"What are you talking about? I wouldn't have touched Black with a bargepole, and even if I did he was dead long before you had any sort of claim to me."


"He isn't your godfather."

"He's as good as!" Severus snorted in derision. "You're so full of bullshit, Snape." Harry didn't even have time to blink before he was pinned to the wall, Severus' hand at his throat and his other raised to the left of Harry's head. He gasped in surprise, slightly ashamed that he hadn't seen it coming, never mind had time to react. He could feel his wand in his pocket, crushed to his hip by the top of Severus' leg pressed against him, and completely inaccessible. "You going to hit me, Snape? Go ahead. Go right ahead and prove that everyone was right about you!"

Instead of the sharp sting he expected Severus to leave smarting across his cheek, he felt himself being kissed harshly. It was all teeth, and he thought himself in danger of being bitten, but that suited him just fine. At that moment, he didn't feel much like being gentle either.


"You know, for being so angry at me for kissing Draco, you really haven't given me much incentive not to do it again." Severus stayed silent. Harry continued to rest his head on his shoulder and run his fingers aimlessly across his chest. "Want to tell me what's wrong?"

"It's nothing."

"Sev, please. I can't help if you won't let me." Silence. "Is it because of Draco? It was just a kiss, I promise!"

"No, it's not that. Not really."

"Then what is it?" Severus ran his hand through his hair, struggling to put his thoughts into words.

"Do you ever think that maybe our relationship is too open? Most people in a successful long-term relationship don't sleep around. They don't need other people." Harry sat up, a strained look on his face. Severus suddenly felt foolish lying on the floor of his study. Almost vulnerable.

"We're not like most people, Sev. I thought this worked for us?"

"It did, in the beginning But I don't think it does anymore. I can't stand the thought that you're out screwing other men." Harry drew his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, looking away from Severus. A tear spilled over onto his cheek.

"So it's okay for you to sleep around, but not me?"

"No." Severus spoke so softly that the sound was almost lost before it reached Harry's ears. A sudden realisation dawned on Harry.

"How long have you been being faithful to me?"

"A few months. Three, maybe." Harry brushed the tears from his face.

"Why didn't you tell me? You should've told me, Sev."

"I didn't think I needed to. I thought I could cope with you being with other people, but apparently I can't. I know that it's unfair of me to ask this of you, and I'll understand if you can't agree, but if we carry on like this our relationship's going to be in serious trouble, sweetheart." He swallowed and lowered his voice, too ashamed to speak any louder than a whisper. "I almost hit you. Merlin help me, I wanted to hit you! To hurt-" He stopped talking abruptly, not wanting Harry to hear his voice break. Harry frowned slightly.

"It sounds a bit too much like marriage to me."

"Is that necessarily a bad thing?" Harry looked doubtful. "All it means is that you know who you're coming home to, whose bed you'll be sleeping in. It means that you can focus all of your attention on one person, and can be secure in the knowledge that they'll focus all of their attention on you." He paused for a moment. "Maybe I'm being selfish, but I don't want to have to share you anymore." Harry lay back down, wrapping his arms around Severus.

"I can try. I'm not making any promises, but I'll try."

"That's all I ask."

"For what it's worth, I don't close my eyes when I kiss you."

"Want to run that one by me again?"

"When I'm with other men, I close my eyes. But not when I'm with you. I want to see you when I kiss you. When we make love." Severus was silent for a moment as he let Harry's words sink in, smiling faintly to himself.

"It's worth the world, Harry."