Title: Morpheus's Chokehold
Author: Janine
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Hermione/Rita Skeeter
Warnings: None
Rating: R/NC-17
Disclaimer: I don't own them.
Notes: This story takes place whenever it has to so that Hermione is legal, even if just barely. And, I'm going with the sexy, Miranda Richardson shaped Rita Skeeter in this story, so Rita is kind of a fox, even if she's a lying, badly dressed one. Really, it's not my fault, blame Miranda Richardson for being so super fine.


Hermione slouched tiredly into the Great Hall, her robes askew as she rubbed at her eyes sleepily and practically collapsed into the seat between Ron and Harry.

"You look," Ron started staring at her with his mouth hanging open, "great, positively ravishing really," he continued when Hermione turned to look at him sharply. "Stunning, I'd say stunning even. Wouldn't you Harry?"

"Definitely," Harry agreed having caught the look Hermione shot Ron. He knew better than to get on her bad side this morning. "Sausage?" Harry asked politely holding out a tray to Hermione who simply moaned and rested her arms on top of the table and then lay her head down on them and closed her eyes.

"Well, as long as you're offering, I'll take one of those," Ron said reaching over Hermione's prone body to relieve Harry of the plate. "She won't be need these either, I would think" he said reaching for the eggs that were just in front of Hermione.

"She studies too hard," Harry said shaking his head as Ron set to wolfing down Hermione's breakfast.

"And the sky's blue, grass is green, and Malfoy's a wanker," Ron said around a mouthful of eggs. "Tell me something I don't know."

"That's sugar," Harry said.

"What?" Ron asked as he put the salt shaker back down on the table.

"I said, that's …"

Ron spit out the mouthful of egg he had just put in his mouth brushing at his tongue with his fingers wildly as he made various sputtering sounds.

"Nevermind," Harry lifting his mug of orange juice to his lips so that Ron couldn't see his smile.


Hermione drew the curtains to her bed warily and lay down. She hadn't had a decent night's sleep in almost a week and it was beginning to take its toll on her. Not only had she fallen asleep during breakfast, but she had almost nodded off in two of her classes, and had to constantly pinch herself throughout the other three to stay awake.

Taking a deep breath Hermione settled herself down onto her bed, turned onto her side and closed her eyes hoping for the best.


Hermione moaned softly as she felt a hand caressing her thigh, her lips curving up into a smile as she felt a warm body settle on top of her.

Eyes still closed Hermione sighed softly as she felt a pair of soft lips brush against her own, her arm lifting automatically to stroke the arm of her lover as their kiss deepened.

Opening her eyes, Hermione watched her fingers travel over the silky smooth surface of an expertly tailored lime green blouse.

"You're still dressed," Hermione pouted looking up into Rita Skeeter's perfectly made-up face, sucking her bottom lip into her mouth hungrily as Skeeter's painted blood red lips curved up into a deliciously naughty smile.

"Think of me as a gift that you get to unwrap … and then play with," Rita practically purred before she lay back on Hermione's bed, arranging herself artfully before looking over at Hermione expectantly.

"Actually I think take-out food might be a more appropriate simile," Hermione responded, her voice husky as she ran her hands up Rita's thighs pushing her tight green skirt up the expanse of her legs. "Considering how much I love to eat out," she went on smirking at Rita who bit her lip as Hermione's fingers migrated between the woman's legs and she leaned down to capture her lips.

Keeping her right hand between Rita's thighs, her fingers running up and down the warm, soft material of her underwear – no doubt green – Hermione reached for her wand with her other hand and pointed it at Rita's shirt and with a flick of her wrist the shirt was gone.

"Cheater," Rita groused lightly.

"All's far in love and war," Hermione murmured as she ran her hand up Rita's torso. "No bra?"

"Well, I didn't want things to take too long," Rita responded smirking slightly. "I do have a schedule to keep you know. I can't lounge around all night being your sex toy. I have people to see and …"

"Stories to fabricate?" Hermione asked as her eyes focused on the full mounds of Rita's breasts as she licked her lips.

"And people say I have a wicked tongue," Rita replied watching as Hermione made love to her with her eyes. "If only people were aware of your … oral proficiency."

"You've never complained about it before," Hermione sassed before lowering her mouth to Rita's breast, kissing the warm, soft mound tenderly, before moving to swirl her tongue around Rita's nipple as her hand continued to tease between the woman's legs.

Rita moaned softly, her hips shifting on the bed.

Hermione smiled against her skin, and moved her mouth a fraction of an inch to the side so that she could take Rita's nipple into her mouth.

Hermione felt Rita's move from where it had been resting on the mattress the reporter's fingers tangling themselves in Hermione's hair, holding her head in place as Hermione suckled at Skeeter's breast like a hungry baby, her tongue swirling around the hard peak, before her teeth clamped down on it and tugged roughly, soothing the flesh long moments later with her tongue.

"Rita," Hermione said, Skeeter's nipple popping from her mouth wetly. Her voice was full of concern.

"What?" Rita asked trying to guide the girl's head back towards her chest.

"I think you've sprung a leak," Hermione responded smiling widely as her fingers dipped beneath Skeeter's underwear and began to finger the warm, very wet flesh she found there. "You have a Leaky Cauldron," Hermione continued knowing that she was never going to be able to think about the pub the same way again.

"Why don't you plug the hole, dear?" Rita suggested helpfully, shamelessly spreading her legs to give Hermione better access to her 'leaky cauldron'.

"Mmm," Hermione moaned softly as she shifted down on the bed and slipped between Rita's legs. "I'm going to need unobstructed access to the affected area," she said as she stared between Rita's legs, her tone scholarly as she reached for her wand and divested Skeeter of her underwear as she had of her top.

Hermione then leaned forward, pressing a kiss the inside of Rita's thigh just above her knee and began to kiss her way up the rest of the Rita's thigh, licking and nipping at the skin she found there.

Finally, unable and unwilling to delay what they both wanted any longer, Hermione reached out and gently spread the lips of Rita's sex with her fingers opening the blonde up to her completely.

"Beautiful," Hermione whispered as she gazed at the glistening pink flesh blooming before her.

And then she darted forward and buried her tongue inside of Skeeter, licking the length of her sex with firm, broad strokes gathering as much of the woman's delicious nectar in her mouth as she could before exploring her all over again.


Hermione sat up, her heart beating wildly, beads of sweat trailing down her face.

"No!" she gasped yanking her hand from between her legs before falling back down against her pillows, breathing hard as she stared up at the canopy of her bed.

Hermione wiped her damp fingers on her linen and felt her eyes begin to water, just managing to contain a sob of despair.

She didn't understand why of all the people in the world to have sex dreams about she was plagued with images of doing unspeakable and filthy things to Rita Skeeter!

Hermione turned onto her side and curled into a fetal position. Rita Skeeter! It defied all reason and logic and karmic decently, and petulantly Hermione wondered who she had offended to curse her so. Because that's what it had to be, a curse or a hex of some kind, because there was no way that she was actually attracted to Rita Skeeter. The woman was a liar and a snoop. She had no standards, no decency, no scruples, and nothing that could even be considered to be in the same family of ethics. She was rude and arrogant and obnoxious, and ridiculously self satisfied. And to top it all off she was an utter and complete hack.

Sure she had a nice rack, perfectly formed lips, sparkling green eyes that shone with mischief and passion, not to mention she had an absolutely delicious ass, but …

Hermione groaned piteously and flipped over onto her stomach burying her face in her pillow as she despaired that she would never have a good nights sleep again.


"Tea," Hermione groaned dropping her head onto the table and extending her hand, waiting patiently. "Cheers," she mumbled a minute later as a mug was slid into her open hand.

"Still," Ron began.

"No," Hermione interrupted tiredly before he could continue.

"Not," Ron charged on ignoring her interruption.

No," Hermione muttered again.

"Oy, you don't even know what I'm going to say," Ron protested that time glaring down at the exhausted witch. "A little respect, eh," he continued watching as Hermione simply blinked at him but remained quiet. "Still not sleeping?" He asked a second later.

"No," Hermione responded, having just enough energy in her body to roll her eyes.

"Want," Ron began.

"No," Hermione interrupted tiredly before he could continue.

"To," Ron charged on ignoring her interruption.

"No," Hermione muttered again.

"We just went through this!" Ron exclaimed. "Okay, so you had a tiny inkling what I was going to ask last time, but that doesn't mean you're an expert at occumency or sum'thin," he continued watching as Hermione sighed wearily and stared at him.

Ron straightened the collar of his robes and then looked Hermione straight in the eyes. "As I was saying," he began looking at her warningly. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," Hermione responded. "Merlin, no," she added a second later shuddering at the thought of anyone finding out about her disturbing dreams and the subject of them.

They were quiet for a few moments after that as Hedwig flew into the Hall with Harry's copy of the Daily Prophet. Harry spent a few moments petting the owl and fed him some bread before Hedwig then took off to head back to the Owlery.

"Might be something in here that will catch your attention, wake you up a little," Harry said helpfully holding the paper out in Hermione's direction. She usually took it anyway and started complaining about the quality of numerous stories, usually Rita Skeeter's, but this way he got to look good.

Hermione lazily reached out of the paper before lifting it up so that she could see the front page.

Hermione froze.

About half way down the page there was a photograph of Rita Skeeter in a very similar outfit to the one she had been wearing in her dream, posing for the camera with her hands on her hips as she looked condescendingly into the camera. It was one of the same expressions that Hermione had kissed off her face in numerous dreams and the young witch suddenly got an image of Rita Skeeter lying with her skirt bunch around her waist her legs spread exposing herself as she reached out for Hermione with one hand.

Hermione squeaked and tossed the paper back at Harry.

"I gotta go," Hermione said quickly, scrambling up and backing away from the table.

"Where?" Harry asked confused by Hermione's sudden flurry of movement. Classes didn't start for another half hour.

"I'mgonnagotothelibrary," Hermione rapidly as she stared over at her friends for a moment before taking a breath. "Importantbookstoreadreportsandwhatnot," she added before bolting towards the door.

Ron and Harry were silent for a few seconds as they watched her go.

"She studies too much," Harry said shaking his head.

"Tell me about it," Ron responded still staring at the doors to the Great Hall.

"It's a shame really," Harry said turning back to his breakfast.

"She's sheltered. She needs to realize that there's more out there than books and homework," Ron replied giving his head one last sad shake before turning back to his food as well pilfering Hermione's half full cup of tea as he did.

"Such as?" Harry asked glancing over at his friend.

"Sex," Ron responded smirking. Harry rolled his eyes. Ron had never had any of that. "And girls," Ron continued smiling. Harry was pretty sure those things weren't mutually exclusive, though considering Ron's aptitude with the opposite sex they might have been for him for the moment.

"I don't know how applicable that last one …" Harry began to say.

"Hey," Ron said holding up his hand and cutting Harry off. "Let me dream."

Harry looked over at Ron questioningly.

"Not that I have," Ron added quickly glancing away from Harry before looking back over at him quickly to see if he was still staring, which he was. "I'm just saying, you know, that with girls, not Hermione but girls in general, that it's alright still, to think about, if … you know, like … could you pass the bacon?"

Harry nudged the plate with the bacon over to Ron and then picked up his glass of orange juice and brought it to his lips so that Ron couldn't see him smile.

The End