Disclaimer: I own nothing…
Summary: When tragedy strikes for Angela and Hodgins, Brennan tries her best to comfort her best friend while her own emotions threaten to break her.
Author's Note: This would have been up a few days ago, had my old laptop not crashed the night before I was going to post it… And while I was on vacation in DC, no less… But at least it went before the semester started up, I guess…
But anyway, there are three sets of lyrics here. The first are "Invisible Ink" by Temposhark, the second, "Ocean" by Darren Hayes, and the last, "God Is In The Room," again, by Darren. Not sure if the second two sets are exactly accurate, because I typed them up myself, but I'm pretty sure they're relatively close… And just in case anybody's interested, they're available for download at Darren's site… They really are beautiful, so if you've got a couple of dollars to spare, they are so worth it…
Also, to anyone waiting on Shortly Before The End, Friend Or Foe, or Through The Iris, I'm not sure when I'll be able to post… All three were almost finished, but they were all on the old laptop. Right now, it looks like we might be able to save the files, but I just don't know yet, so I have no idea when I'll be updating… Hopefully soon.
And finally, here's the story. Not sure how well the title works, but I like it, so I'm sticking with it… And as for the story itself, I feel like it's a little bit different from the other's I've done (if only because it focuses a bit more on the Brennan/Angela friendship), so hopefully you all like it. I'm actually rather proud of this one, so I'd love it if you'd let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!
Red Balloons: God Is In The Room
What do you find in me?
Who did I want to be?
If I've spoken my last sentence
Are thoughts indelible?
"Ange?" Brennan's voice was soft, barely a whisper as she moved to her best friend's side, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. "How is she?"
Angela never looked up, but she tilted her head just a bit toward the hand that Brennan had placed on her shoulder, her eyes remaining locked on the window before her. "I didn't want her." Her voice was pained, broken in a way Brennan had never before heard… The woman was completely heartbroken, and there was nothing in the world that could possibly make it right in those moments. "When I found out, I didn't want her… I kept thinking about these cases, and everything that had happened to the victims, and then I would start thinking about my life and how much I had left, and how much she would interfere, and I didn't want her… And now-- Bren, now I look at her, and I want her so badly… It hurts. Physically hurts; and it's the worst pain I've ever felt, because I don't think God's going to give her back to me… I screwed up, Bren. I screwed up because, for months, I didn't want her… And now I'm being punished."
She broke then, and Brennan was right there to catch her. As the soft sobs shook her body, Angela let Brennan take her into her arms and hold her tight, trying her best to rock away all the pain she was feeling.
"Ange, sweetie, you are not being punished."
"Yes, I am." Angela was holding on tight, her words nearly unintelligible as she forced them out between the quiet, but heart wrenching, sobs that gripped her. "I didn't want her… Brennan, I didn't want her, and you may not believe in God, but I do, and now I'm losing her."
Gently, Brennan pulled back, taking Angela's chin in hand as she stroked back the hair that had plastered itself to the other woman's face. "No, Ange, listen to me… What I'm saying to you has nothing to do with science, or logic… Ange, you are not being punished. As much as you may not have wanted her at the time, you needed her. Sweetie, that's why you kept her. You had options, Angela, and you could have gotten rid of her, but you didn't. You chose to keep her. As much as your mind was telling you that you didn't want her, Ange, your heart was telling you not to let go. You love her, Angela, and no just God would take her from you because of a few uncertainties."
Angela looked up at her then, her eyes finally locking with Brennan's to read the honesty there… And it made sense, she knew that-- and yet, she couldn't quite shake the irrational fear that had gripped her since the moment she had brought that tiny little baby into the world. The tiny little baby who was hooked up to so many machines that her delicate skin was barely visible. The tiny baby who hadn't even been able to cry when she had first come into the world, her lungs too weak to allow her even that simple pleasure at the shock of this new and traumatizing environment. The tiny little baby who hadn't even been given a name yet, because her mother was so terrified of loosing her that even the joy of naming her baby eluded her.
When Angela saw Brennan's eyes drift just slightly toward the hallway at their side, she instantly knew that Booth had arrived, and that Brennan was going to need to step away for a moment… But her eyes also caught those of the man she loved, who had just returned from what she could feel had been an all too serious talk with their daughter's doctor. And so, her reluctance to let her friend go eased as Jack stepped toward them, his eyes sad but soothing as he watched her.
"Will you be okay for a minute?" Brennan asked her gently, holding Angela's hands in hers as she watched her carefully, trying her best to read her friend. Ange nodded gently, accepting the hug that Brennan offered and the kiss she pressed to her cheek. Before walking away, Brennan looked at her, deadly serious as she spoke, her eyes soft and encouraging. "If she's anything like her mommy and daddy, she's going to pull through this… Because she's strong, and she wants to live just as badly as you want her. So don't you dare give up that hope, okay?"
Angela nodded slowly, a sad little smile ghosting over her lips for just a moment, as she let Brennan go and turned to the man she loved. He held out his arms for her, and she slipped into them easily, holding onto the strength and comfort he offered her as he held her, whispering promises she knew he had no right making, but that nonetheless soothed away her fears, if only for a few moments.
When life has come to be
Everything that I desire
Will truth be edible?
If I was lost at sea
Would I sink into forever?
Or stay residual?
"Hey, Beautiful." His voice was soft, sad, as he reached for her, the tiny smile she offered him doing nothing to shadow the turmoil she was feeling inside.
She gave in, her body relaxing as she sighed and fell into his arms, her exhaustion evident as she let him hold her, his arms providing her the shelter she so desperately needed. With Angela she had to be strong, confident that everything would be okay… But in her mind, she knew how slim the odds were. She knew how likely it was that that beautiful little baby would never make it home… She was just so weak. And right now, nothing short of a miracle could hold her to this world.
Booth held her, one hand rubbing comforting circles on her back as the other stroked gently through her hair, something he knew she found soothing, and for a few moments he stayed silent, hoping to feel the flood of tears he knew she was holding back… But there was nothing and so he pulled away slightly, and urged her to meet his eyes, his hands resting gently on her cheeks when she finally met his eyes, a sadness so intense that he hoped never again to find it floating in her gaze, waited there, shadowing the brilliance of her eyes and making her look tired and drained.
"You can cry, you know." He told her gently, his thumb sweeping over her cheek. "It's just me, baby, and I know how much you're hurting right now… You know I'll always catch you when you fall."
"I know." She told him gently, letting a little smile touch her lips as she watched him, letting one hand drift up to cover his as she nuzzled against it, savoring the feel of his touch. "I know, it's just--If I break now, Angela's going to know, and I have to be strong for her. Seeley, she's hurting so badly right now… I'm afraid that if I cry, I'll only make it worse…"
"Did you ever think that maybe it could make it better?" He questioned gently, his eyes soft as he watched her, never letting his gaze falter. "You know, sometimes all the 'It'll all get better with time' crap just makes it hurt worse… Sometimes it's better to just stay silent and cry… Because she doesn't want to hurt, but if she has to, she certainly doesn't want to hurt alone. She doesn't need everyone, including her best friend, telling her that it'll all get better, because that's not what she's feeling right now, and it's so much harder to pretend you believe it, when you really don't…"
"You know…" She smiled lightly, shaking her head and blinking away the tears that clouded her eyes, a few escaping to slip down her cheeks, before she locked eyes with him. "That actually makes sense…"
He nodded slightly, a sad smile touching his lips as he leaned in to press a soft kiss to her mouth, the salt of her tears stinging his lips, before he pulled back, only to wrap her up tightly in his embrace once more, offering her all the comfort he could as she finally let herself break in his arms.
Let me go…
Make it better – Work hard – Leave your mark
Make it better – Work hard – Leave your mark
Don't leave the world without making them think
Don't leave the world without changing something
"How is she?"
The question was quiet. So soft, he imagined she wasn't even sure she wanted him to hear… Because she didn't want to know, not really… No, she wanted to stay in that place where hope was still an option, and she knew the news he had for her was less than promising.
"Not great…" His own voice was so broken, the pain behind it almost tangible as his eyes locked on their little girl. The daughter he wasn't sure he would ever even be given the chance to hold, and he couldn't keep away the tears that slipped as he stared at her, so tiny and fragile. "They don't think she's going to make it…"
She held him tighter then, her tears renewed as she held onto him, desperate for some kind of comfort. "I don't think I can survive this."
The sobs that tore from her then shattered his heart, and he could do nothing more than hold onto her, his own tears falling as he whispered soothing words, reassurances that he wasn't sure he believed himself…
Only an ocean can know
The weight of the world on my shoulders
Thinking of you my love
I wish I could drown out emotion
Till only the ocean knows
Wash me away
Carry my heart on an ocean
Love has forsaken, then taken to somebody else
I wish I could drown my emotions
Till only the ocean knows
"Hey, Ange." Her voice was gentle as she offered a tiny smile, and held out a cup of coffee to her friend, who was curled under a blanket in the waiting room, sleep simply an impossibility for her as she stared off, trying her best to think of anything other than the pain she was feeling.
"Hey." she answered quietly, situating herself so that she was sitting up as she took the offered cup of coffee and pulled back the end of the blanket for Brennan, as she took the seat next to her. As she sipped the coffee, she hooked an arm through Brennan's and curled herself against her friend, her head resting on the other woman's shoulder, trying her best not to lose herself in all that pain once more.
When Brennan heard the deep sigh that Angela emitted, the other woman so clearly trying to hold back those tears she was so tired of crying, she rested her head against Angela's, and took her hand, trying her best to comfort her as she tried to think of anything to distract her…
"Hey, how about we think about names?" Brennan asked gently, squeezing Angela's hand. "I think that beautiful little baby in there deserved the perfect name, don't you?"
Ange nodded with a little smile, the sadness never completely lifting, but easing for a moment as she clung to her best friend. "Maybe it'll help her pull through this… If she can hear her own name, maybe she'll understand how much she means to the world…"
"It's worth a try, right?" Brennan smiled lightly as she caught Booth's eye from across the room as he watched them from just outside the room, where was he had stepped out for a moment with Hodgins. "So, what do you think we should call her?"
"It has to be beautiful… and noble. Something worthy of her. Something wonderful."
Brennan smiled again. "Well, what names are you thinking?"
"I don't know." Ange admitted, giving a little bit of a shrug. "She's so early… We hadn't really narrowed it down, at all… And even with what we had narrowed down, none of them seem like enough anymore."
"Well, what do you have?"
"I've always thought Jessica was pretty…" She trailed off when she felt the doubt in her friend. "What? You don't like it, do you?"
"No, it's not that I don't like it, it's just… Well, it's just not you… or her." Brennan told her, her voice full of thought as she sifted through all of the names she had filed away over the years.
"See? That's the problem. None of them are good enough for her…" Brennan nodded, and Angela went back to thinking as she tried her best to find something worthy of her little miracle. "What about Joy. For her aunt Temperance… Kind of… And because that's exactly what she's going to bring us."
Brennan thought about it for a moment before answering, the wheels still turning in her head. "It's good, but it feels like her middle name… Just not quite worthy of being her name name."
Angela nodded in agreement, smiling a little. "You're right… So, what are you thinking? I know you've got something in that head of yours… Help me out here."
"What about Miracle? Because that's what she is. A miracle. And that's what she's going to be when she gets better and you get to take her home."
Angela raised her head then, thinking for just a moment, before calling down the hall, "Jack! I think we just named our baby!"
And when she kisses me
She says love has filled the air with red balloons
The world is shrinking, there is no one else and
God is in the room
And when she looks at me
She says a hundred million fireworks explode
And I believe in you, my love
And your imaginary world
Temperance smiled as she stood behind the glass, Booth's arms wrapped loosely around her waist, his hands resting gently on her belly as she leaned back against him, his chin resting on her shoulder as they watched Angela gather her little girl in her arms for the very first time as Hodgins beamed beside her, his smile so bright it could have lit the world.
"Should we tell them yet?"
His whispered words widened her smile, and she let out a little laugh as her hands moved to tangle with his. "How about we just let them enjoy Mira for a little while first?"
She heard the dramatic sigh he let out at that, and she couldn't help but laugh.
"I want to tell them now." He was whining, and she could do nothing more than roll her eyes. "It would just add to their happiness…"
"We are not shifting the attention to us right now, Booth… Right now, we're just going to let them be happy with their beautiful little girl… We've got plenty of time, and I promise we'll tell them soon, okay?" He nodded, and she shifted a bit then, just enough so that she could place a chaste kiss on his lips and offer him a little smile before turning her eyes back to the scene before them, able to do little more than pray that things could turn out just as beautifully for the two of them.
And maybe that kind of love
Can make you whole again
Maybe that kind of faith in make believing can
Make a broken heart never feel broken again
In your imaginary world
And I believe in you, my love
And your imaginary world