Author: Paladin Steelbreaker

Title: The Agony of Being Reed Richards

Copyright: August 2007

Rating: K+

Spoilers: none.

Keywords: Defying logic

Summary: The Damn woman defies logic!!!

Legalese: All characters except those noted below with their respective rights, properties and copyrights are the property of their respective creators, authors, owners, producers and agencies. These characters are used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended or meant, and no money will be made from this story. This story may be copied in its entirety, and may be distributed as long as all copyright information remains.

Author's Notes: I just saw the new Fantastic Four movie, and loved it. But I came to think, who would be the person most likely to aggravate Reed beyond measure.

Dedications: This one goes out to the readers of It has been a shamefully long time since last I posted anything. My apologies for that.

Now onto the show.

The Agony of Being Reed Richards


Reed Richards a.k.a. Mr. Fantastic were this close to going postal. That, that damned woman were driving him crazy! He rued the day he met Buffy Summers. The day she came out of the blue he should have just shot himself in the head.

Elisabeth "Buffy" Anne Summers, head of the field division of The Watchers Council, whatever the hell that was, just appeared at the Baxter Building one day, and demanded an immediate appointment with him. And when he didn't let her inn, the tiny woman proceeded to break through glass doors that would have withstood a barrage of 50 calibre hollow point steel jacketed liquid Nitrogen bullets from close range. Then she somehow circumvented all his security measures, including knocking out the entire security squad, and then with some strange red battle axe proceeded to hack herself through the 5cm thick Titanium doors to his lab.

Then she had the audacity to accuse him of causing the system failure of the Watchers Council mainframe. And when he denied any guilt in that, she pulled a laptop out of nowhere, and showed him that his experimentations on the strange power surge in Cleveland, in fact had short circuited their system.

Ever since that day; for the last two months she had developed the annoying habit of invading the Baxter Building whenever she wanted. First it was to monitor his work on replacing the system he had unintentionally fried. And then, for some unknown, surely sinister reason she had befriended Susan, Johnny and Ben. It was quite scary how quickly she had them in the palm of her hands.

But it wasn't before the day she beat Ben in a sparring match that she really started ruining his life. It was impossible! With a mere hammer this 5.2 feet 110 pounds woman had beaten Ben to a bloody pulp. And to further aggravate Reed, as Ben yielded and she had helped him to his feet after the 15 hour insanity, the crazy rock-head were grinning like a fool before he promised to teach her how to fly the plane. The horrors! As if her driving a car wasn't bad enough!!

It was impossible!!! He had gone through the security system again and again, but found no weakness at all. And how she alone had defeated 26 ex army security agents was beyond his vast comprehension. And let us not forget the woman herself. She claimed to be able to lift 2.5 ton, run like a cheetah and have predatory senses, which in fact turned out to be true. If it wasn't for the way she took down Ben, he would have called the loony bin. In secret he had run her through the buildings scanners, and she came out squeaky clean. There was not one single anomaly in her body, except for her being exceptionally healthy. The source of her power, remained unknown no matter how much he wracked his brain.

But even worse were the damned hammer. It was approximately one meter long and should have weighed no more than 7 or 8 kilo. But when she let him weigh it, the scale stopped on an astounding 540 kilo. 540 kilo that she almost casually had used with one hand!!!

And the Scythe! It didn't weigh more than it should, but there the normality ended. The bloody thing was sharpened down to a molecular level, and could cut through anything. The scanners told him that the blade consisted of an unknown metal with hardness even greater than Adamantium. The handle was petrified wood with similar hardness as the blade. Something that was physically impossible!!!!

And then she sparred with Susan, blindfolded!!!! Now Susan was a black belt in Karate, Judo and Tae Kwon Do, but she looked like a bumbling fool compared to Buffy. By the way; who in their right mind insisted on being called something that ridiculous!!! The fight had been over in 10 minutes, and the damned woman weren't even breathing hard, while Susan was sore for a week. But did Susan carry a grudge? Hell, no!!! As soon as she was healed they sparred again.

And then it was Johnny. A sparring match with him was over in 20 seconds flat. And when she allowed him to go torch in the rematch, she took him down with one single word. As he rushed towards her like a meteor she stood there waiting for him without a hint of nervousness. And then she simply lifted her hand, and said. Cold! And with that his flames just died out, and he plummeted the thankfully short distance to the ground. His lips were blue, and he was shivering from coldness.

When Reed asked her what she had done, she had just shrugged her shoulders and answered "Magic". Magic!!! If there was one thing Reed knew without any doubt, it was that there was no such thing as magic!!! When he said that, she had just shrugged again and said in a sing song voice: "If you say so". AGGGHHH!!!

Another thing that infuriated him was her constant airhead act. She appeared to be barely more intelligent than a baboon. Still, she had beaten him five times in a row in chess. She understood little of his science, didn't seem interested in understanding, but when it came to strategic thinking, her brilliance were frightening. With the impressive intelligence she obviously had, it baffled him immensely, that she chose to appear so, so, stupid! Furthermore, it seemed as if she were unaware of it being an act, that she in fact, believed herself to be stupid, without that seeming to bother her.

And finally, it was her horrible, horrible practical jokes. It had gotten to the point where he was afraid of opening doors, windows cupboards and drawers. One never knew what could happen. He had lost count of how many times he had gotten a bucket of water in the head when entering his lab, found a living mouse in his toolbox, found itching powder in his suit or some other insanity. He always knew it was she who had done it, but he never could prove it. She left no trace what so ever.

He was torn out of his reverie as the intruder claxons blared. He hurried down into the foyer, only to skid to a halt. Through the broken front doors a bloodied and still smoking Buffy Summers came stumbling, dragging the unconscious form of Victor after her.

"Bloody ponce tried to kidnap me as bait for a trap for you"; she slurred, and then dropped to the ground.

How the hell she had remained conscious as long as she did, he didn't have the faintest clue about. And how she in her severely lessened state had broken through the doors? A quick scan revealed multiple broken ribs, a fractured scull, a sprained back and massive internal bleeding in her stomach. By all rights, she should be in the hospital intensive care unit, but knowing how immensely pissed off she would become if she woke up in the one place in the world she feared, he instead brought her to the medical facilities of the Baxter Building. There he did what he could for her, and just hoped that her unexplainable and eerie healing capacity would kick in.

And yes it did. Already next day she was conscious and moving about, if somewhat clumsily. And in a mere five days, she was good as new. ARRRRG! The woman defied logic! She defied the very fabric of the universe!!! And he hated it!!! Hated it with a vengeance! He despised that all his efforts to make sense of her through science continued to fail.

To top the whole thing off, he didn't even have the luxury of hating her, because rude and obnoxious as she may be at times, the kindness of her heart were undisputable. And she had just proven to which length she took her loyalties. Despite his less than hospitable attitude towards her, she somehow had chosen not just the others, but also him as her friends.

The end.