Aaaand welcome to my new laughable source of entertainment! xD This piece of madness is written for the Livejournal community 30(underscore)dates. I figured I could torture our favorite Organization couple for awhile. ;D
Expect this to be a bit on the cracky side; that is, some unbelievable material and maybe even some silly clichés thrown in there. What can I say? I am the self-proclaimed Queen of Clichés. 8D
But enough of this! Enjoy, my fellow human wormbabies. 8D
Saturday, June 30
It was a dark and stormy night. Well, okay, that was a total lie – it was a relatively sunny day (especially for Twilight Town) and Roxas had been enjoying his first free weekend all summer. After it had happened, though, the whole sunshiney-ness of the day just seemed to melt. In fact, the whole month ahead seemed rather dark and gloomy.
'Why?' you may ask.
Well, it's a very good reason – at least in Roxas' head. See, it all began like this...
As said, it was a relatively sunny day in quaint little Twilight Town. Roxas was basking in his free weekend because Saturday meant that ice cream was half-off at the nearby parlor. Roxas looooved ice cream and the fact that it was half price meant he could get twice as much for the same price. Heck yes! Ice cream was just so darn good. It was Roxas' favorite food and he totally wouldn't give it up for anything. Well, except maybe world peace or something important like that.
There was only one thing Roxas hated (gasp) about the ice cream parlor:
Axel. Ugh. Just thinking the name made Roxas shudder. The tall, lanky redhead had worked at Roxas's precious ice cream parlor since possibly the Stone Age...or at least since his freshman year. He would've been just another employee to the blond, except for one thing:
He had a huge crush on Roxas.
No, wait – enormous crush. Gargantuan. Massive. Whatever was biggest, plus five and multiplied by two.
And while this certainly had its perks – Axel always gave him double servings and extra toppings on his sundaes – it was mostly just maddening. Roxas had nothing against homosexual relationships, but he certainly didn't want to be in one himself. Roxas did not like the penis – well, except his own. Oh man, that sounded wrong. Moving on...
There was also the fact that their personalities clashed horribly. Roxas was fairly quiet and just liked hanging out with one group of friends while Axel was obnoxious and seemed to have a new best friend every day. See, the blond wouldn't be able to get along with someone so smug. He and Axel would eventually explode from shooting sarcastic remarks at each other, and nobody wants that. Right? Right.
The redhead never seemed to realize this, however, and hit on Roxas every chance he got in a terribly clichéd fashion – complimenting his hair, using bad pickup lines, the works. It was very annoying in a similarly clichéd fashion.
So on this relatively sunny day in Twilight Town, Roxas found himself face-to-face with his redheaded nemesis. And on half-off day, too. Sigh. He was there with Olette, one of his best friends, and someone had Axel narrowed his eyes at upon their arrival in the store. Everyone thought that Roxas and Olette were together. Roxas always had a nice reply for those who asked if it was true – "HA-HA-HA no." Dating Olette would be like dating his sister. Roxas was totally not for any kind of incest.
Axel, of course, still looked pissed. "Welcome to Lickety-Split," he greeted, smiling rather gaily at Roxas and frowning at Olette. Roxas rolled his eyes. "How may I help you?"
Roxas nodded to Olette, indicating that she could order first. Axel rang up her double scoop of chocolate with hot fudge without taking his eyes off of Roxas. The blond frowned and just ordered his triple scoop of sea-salt ice cream in a giant waffle cone. "And not too frozen," he added.
"I'll see what I can do." Axel winked. Nobody should wink at the ice cream customers! See, this was why Axel annoyed the blond so much. Winking over the ice cream counter...hmph. But moving along...
It should be noted here that Roxas had a rather odd taste for his ice cream – he never liked it too cold. Frozen hard ice cream gave him too many headaches since he ate it so darn fast, and Twilight Town was never warm enough to melt his cones fast enough, so he had taken to carrying a lighter with him to speed up the process. Strange, yes, but it worked. It was also handy for when he and Hayner were feeling stupid and tried to light their farts on fire.
When Axel had mysteriously figured this out, he also stared using a lighter to melt Roxas's ice cream. But he was a crazy pyro, so he could've had that lighter for any reason.
Axel got their orders quickly, but had a worried look on his face when he delivered them to the front counter. "I lost my lighter, Roxas," he whispered, looking positively petrified. What if Roxas stopped coming to eat ice cream because of it? Axel couldn't have that! He loooved seeing Roxas. He loved it almost as much as he loved fire, which was a lot.
Roxas shrugged, not really paying attention. That ice cream looked so tempting, so...delicious. He refrained from drooling. "It's okay. I'll just melt it here, if that's alright."
"Sure." Axel looked totally giddy at the idea.
Something inside of Roxas suddenly screamed, "RUN FAR, FAAAAAR AWAY! LEAVE THE ICE CREAM BEHIND IF YOU HAVE TOOOOO!"
Roxas snorted. Leave behind his half-priced cone? Never! He whipped out his lighter and flicked on the flame, watching Axel's eyes light up in a very creepy fashion. The blond held the lighter juuust close enough to his ice cream...
To this day, he still couldn't figure out how it really happened. One moment the lighter was in his hands, then someone in the back room had called for Axel. The redhead's elbow knocked into Roxas's arm and poof, his cone was on the floor and the cash register was on fire.
Olette screamed and the owner of the parlor started whacking the flames with a tray before another employee got out the fire extinguisher, but all Roxas could think was, 'Crap, will they give me a free cone since I dropped mine?'
The smell of burning metal snapped him out of it. Axel, the employee with the extinguisher, and the owner were staring at the lump of charred former register in horror. Luckily after some searching, it was found that the money had been unaffected.
The owner turned to Axel, his face red with anger. "AXEL, HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I WARNED YOU ABOUT THAT LIGHTER!?"
"THIS HAS GONE FAR ENOUGH! YOU'RE FIRED!"
"GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!!"
Axel whipped off the girly-looking apron he'd been wearing and raced out of there. Roxas just stood there with his mouth open – he was really confused – until Olette pulled his arm. "C'mon."
"You need to apologize to Axel and tell him you'll help him get his job back! That fire was your fault!"
"Yeah, but – what!?" Roxas was still mourning over his lost ice cream and could barely think. Olette just pulled him out of the parlor with a confused look on his face.
Axel hadn't gotten very far from the crazy scene. He was sitting on the sidewalk near the parlor, his face buried in his hands. Olette pulled Roxas towards him.
The redhead looked up, his face rather blank. Roxas gulped. 'Was that me who said his name? Arguh.' He needed to learn to control his mouth. Thank goodness Axel couldn't hear his thoughts, or he would've had a very perverted comment for that whole 'mouth controlling' business.
"You cost me my job," Axel muttered.
"I'm sorry," Roxas sighed. Why was he doing this again? Axel no longer working at Lickey-Split would probably mean a much more pleasant ice cream experience (despite the lack of free double toppings and servings) from now on. There wouldn't be any creepy green eyes watching his every move, which was always a bonus in his book.
"Is there anything we can do?" Olette interrupted. "Roxas can help you talk to your manager when he calms down, if you'd like."
'Olette, shut up,' Roxas thought. Axel actually looked pretty okay with being jobless. Either way, it was the redhead's problem. Why were they even here?
"Welllllll..." Axel stretched out the word like a rubber band. Roxas frowned. "I doubt Vexen will take me back. He hates my guts."
'So do I, now that you won't be able to give me double servings of ice cream.'
"But there is something you can do to help me through my unemployment, Roxas."
The blond got a very bad feeling in his gut. "...What?"
Axel grinned a sneaky grin. It kind of reminded Roxas of that scene in 'The Grinch' when that fuzzy green Who had gotten a 'horrible, awful idea'. Well, at least Axel couldn't take over Christmas or something equally terrible...
"You go on one date a day for the next month – with me. And if you don't, I can make sure you're not served any ice cream within a hundred miles of here i ever /i again."
Roxas gulped. Okay, this was way worse than Christmas being taken over. Axel was probably bluffing – but then again, he had been in the ice cream business up until ten minutes ago. Plus, he knew so many people...
"I think that sounds fair," Olette said. She was trying not to laugh. "Roxas?"
Roxas suddenly realized that if he agreed to this, he would have to spend time with the redhead every single day for a freaking month - and he couldn't back out because Olette was a witness. She would never let him out of it.
Axel must've realized this, because his grin grew even more freakishly happy (and slight creepy). Damn him!
The blond sighed. He had to do this at the risk of losing ice cream, his favorite treat ever. And besides, it couldn't be that bad, right? It was only for a month...
"Deal," Roxas said, holding out his hand. "And today counts as one, since I had to look at your stupid face." Axel nodded and shook the offered hand, his grip tight, but not overly so. It was...just right.
"First date," Axel grinned.
In the distance, a roll of thunder rumbled – ah, here comes that dark and stormy night. Roxas shivered. That couldn't mean anything good...
It was going to be a long month.
A 'long month' indeed considering writing all of these themes will probably take me two years. Meep. –falls over-
Happy AkuRoku day! 8D And if you liked this, hated it, or just kind of want to chop my hands off so I can write anymore madness, please leave a review. Reviewers get cookies, and everybody loves cookies. Well, unless you have like, a million of them. I definitely don't have a million cookies, so don't worry about that. –rambles-
Erm, yes. Reviews are lovely and will be squealed at like the yaoi fangirl I am. :3