Set at the start of series two, it's been a month since Derek picked Addison and Meredith is almost two months pregnant. Meredith hasn't told anyone she might be pregnant, and she is avoiding taking the test to confirm it.

Chapter 1

"Where is Grey?" demanded Bailey. They were rounding with Dr. Montgomery when Bailey noticed that Meredith had disappeared, and she had been there when rounds had started.

"Uh… she… has a migraine… she's gone to take something," lied Cristina. She suspected Meredith was pregnant, and she was off being sick again. But she wasn't about to tell Bailey that, especially not in front of Derek's wife.

"Right… I'll deal with her later," said Bailey furiously.

"She had an upset stomach yesterday, maybe she has the flu," said Izzie. Cristina glared at her, trying to let her know that she should shut up.

"Sorry Dr. Bailey, I… had to change the batteries on my pager," gasped Meredith, appearing at the door, a lot paler than usual.

"What is going on?" demanded Bailey. "First you had a migraine, then the flu, and now your batteries need to be changed? Which is it?"

"I did have a headache," said Meredith, obviously lying.

"You know what I hate more than a liar?" snapped Bailey.

"A bad liar," mumbled Meredith. She saw Addison looking at her and she knew she looked guilty of something and she just prayed nobody worked it out.

"Exactly, you're on SCUT!"

-----------------------------------

"So exactly how knocked up are you?" said Cristina bluntly. She was working with Derek that day and had just scrubbed out of a surgery when she found Meredith updating charts at the nurses station.

"What?!"

"How knocked up are you? A month? A week? How long?"

"I'm not!" hissed Meredith, terrified anyone would hear.

"Sure you're not, you're just puking every morning for fun? Or do you have an eating disorder?"

"Neither!"

"Is it McDreamy's?"

"Cristina, I'm…"

"Yes, you are whether you know or not," said Cristina, obviously bored with Meredith's denial. "Or you know I could always ask Barbie about the amount of tampons… you know, she will be familiar with your cycle."

"Shut up," hissed Meredith. "So I'm a little late, big deal."

"I'll ask again: is it McDreamy's?"

"If I am… yeah, it will be Derek's," whispered Meredith.

"You are so peeing on a stick today."

"Cristina," said Meredith, almost pleading.

"Look, it doesn't have to be a big deal, if you are you can take care of it and the McMarried couple need never know," said Cristina.

"How did you know… I mean when did you decide?" asked Meredith uncertainly.

"As soon as the damn stick turned blue," said Cristina. "I'm going to go and swipe a test from the Vagina Squad. Meet me in ten minutes in the locker room."

"Alright… okay," said Meredith, her mind racing. Cristina was right she had to know one way or another then she could get rid of it. She could get rid of Derek's baby, the Derek that she was still in love with and missed all the time, she could get rid of his baby. She was an intern. Of course she had to get rid of her married boss' baby, keeping it wasn't even an option. And besides, she might not even be pregnant, she might just have a bug or the flu.

-----------------------------------------

"Oh come on, you aren't actually scared are you? Yeah, if you are it sucks but it's easily taken care of," said Cristina. Meredith had just taken the test and was sitting on the bench waiting for the results, shaking.

"I might be pregnant. Pregnant! With my married boss' baby, Derek's baby. Derek, who has the gorgeous wife, the wife that is so nice it's impossible to hate her. I can't be pregnant, it just can't happen, we were always careful… maybe it's just syphilis. I mean, if there is a chance I'm pregnant, there is a chance it's just an STD, I mean he didn't tell me about his wife. What else didn't he tell me?" said Meredith, finishing her rant almost triumphantly. In her mind she had found a logical explanation for her symptoms without it involving Derek's baby, and it was a reason that allowed to pretend she wasn't still in love with him, and that he wasn't a great guy that he really was a McBastard.

"Yeah a little dose of Syph makes you throw up every morning, and stop your periods," said Cristina sarcastically. "Where was it you went to Med school?"

"You are not helping."

"I got you here, peeing on a stick! I'm even staying for the results! Trust me, I am doing my share of helping."

"Alright, it's time," sighed Meredith, looking at her watch. "Cristina…will you…?"

"You're pathetic when you're knocked up," said Cristina, lifting the pregnancy test. "Oh you poor girl, you're McPregnant!"

"Mer… say something," said Cristina. It had been over five minutes since she had told Meredith she was pregnant, and she was just sitting on the bench, frozen. "At least move so I know you're still alive…that's it, I'm calling code."

"Are you sure?" Meredith whispered.

"Oh, she speaks," said Cristina. "I have a PHD from Berkley and an MD from Stanford, I think I know how to read a pregnancy test."

"Maybe, it's a false positive."

"Look Mer, I know you have a lot of 'issues' but you're already getting morning sickness, it's a McFetus. So…"

"I can't keep it," said Meredith, panicked.

"Alright, I still have the number of people I was going to use. You can call them first thing tomorrow and get an appointment," said Cristina, almost professionally.

"I can't keep it," Meredith repeated.

"Look I have to go… I know we are supposed to have a moment and hug and stuff but… you have Barbie for that. I have to go and check on my patient," said Cristina.

"Don't tell them."

"I won't," said Cristina, less harshly.

"I can't keep it."

"Mer, don't go mental again," said Cristina just before she left the locker room, leaving Meredith alone.

"I can't keep it," Meredith whispered to herself. "Can I?"