A/N: I got the sudden urge to write a Kim Possible fanfic. It probably was because I was babysitting, and watched a recent episode there... Anyway, I decided that it would be completely pointless, but quite fun (and hopefully funny) all the same. :) Enjoy!
Kim and Ron were curled up on the Possible family couch, watching the greatest pirate movie ever (Pirates of the Caribbean), when the question came. Kim was caught totally off guard, but, like any Possible, regained her dignity as quickly as possible.
"You what?" she gaped at her boyfriend, who sat there, grinning smugly.
"I would make a great pirate!" Ron said proudly, "Don't you think so?"
Kim was torn between agreeing to make him happy, or pointing out the obvious. She wanted to see him grin at her reluctant agreement, but decided that ultimately, it would be wiser to tell him why he couldn't be a pirate, "Ron, pirates do mean things to people, just for the fun of it."
"But look at how cool they are!" Ron gestured towards the screen.
Kim sighed and paused the movie. This could take a while, "You wouldn't be able to plunder or steal anything."
Ron scoffed, "I would so."
"You can't even shoplift a pack of gum without breaking down ten feet from the entrance of the store," she reminded him.
"That was one time!" Ron snapped quickly, "I could do it, if I really wanted to."
Kim smirked, "What about murdering people? Like the massacre at the beginning of the movie? They just need one little reason, and they end dozens of lives because of it."
"I wouldn't be that kind of pirate," he said indignantly.
She rolled her eyes, "What other kind of pirate is there?"
Ron thought for a moment, "I would help fight the bad pirates."
Kim climbed off of the couch, walked over to her father's bookshelf on the opposite side of the room, and fished out a large blue book. She brought it back to the table and thumped it down in front of her boyfriend. Silently, she opened it and began flipping through the pages, leaning intently over the dictionary, red hair falling in front of her face. She impatiently pushed it behind her ears as she straightened, finger on a word about halfway down the left page.
"Pirate," she told him.
"Here we go," Ron groaned.
Kim ignored him, " 'A person who robs or commits illegal violence at sea or on the shores of the sea'."
Ron narrowed his eyes as she stared at him with smug affection, "That's just one definition."
She looked back down, continuing, " 'any plunderer, predator, etc'. 'To attack and rob'. Or, if you want to get fancy…" she flipped back a page, "Piracy. 'practice of a pirate; robbery or illegal violence at sea'."
Ron fought to keep a calm face, "Since when do pirates have to be like that? There could be good pirates! Like Jack Sparrow!" he motioned towards the tv, where Johnny Depp was posing on the stern of a ship, "He helps people out."
"He would do anything to get his ship back," Kim reminded him as she put the dictionary back, "He did those things with an ulterior motive in mind."
"Well, I wouldn't have an ulterior motive. I would just help people. You know, enforce the rules of the ocean and such," Ron folded his arms defiantly.
She chuckled, "They have another name for people like that. Coast guard."
Ron glowered at her.
Kim decided to take a different approach, "Why do you want to be a pirate so badly?"
"It'd be cool," Ron replied, "and people would know who I was."
"Oh, like being quarterback isn't enough…" she muttered, "Now he has to go and be a pirate…"
"What'd you say, Kim?" Ron peered at her.
Kim cleared her throat, "Nothing, nothing. But Ron, what about the ship you would have to sail?"
"Oh yeah! That's another reason why I want to be a pirate," he beamed.
"You get seasick."
That got him for a moment. He hesitated, thinking hard. Then, just when Kim was sure she had him, he straightened, "So?"
Kim's jaw dropped. That was his argument? "So you'd spend all of your time as a pirate puking over the side of the ship."
"They have medicine for those kind of things," he smirked, "It wouldn't be a problem. And who knows? I might even grow out of it if I did it long enough."
"You've got to be kidding…" Kim moaned, slapping her hand to her forehead. They were silent for a few minutes, thinking about pirates. Finally, Kim grinned, "I know why you can't be a pirate."
Ron cocked his head.
"You like those kind of pirates, right?" she nodded towards the TV.
"Uh, yeah," Ron said, as if it was the most obvious thing.
Kim's grin grew, "Well, I hate to break it to you, but those kind of pirates don't exist anymore."
He frowned, "Yes they do! This movie takes place in the present day!"
"Ron," she stated firmly, "Just look at the clothing. That alone says something about what time period this movie is set in."
"It's just a movie, Ron. There aren't pirates anymore. At least, they aren't like those pirates now."
He opened his mouth to retort, thought, and closed it. Lowering his gaze sadly, he sighed, "Fine, then."
Ron looked so defeated, that Kim climbed onto the couch again, sitting next to him, "Don't worry, Ron. If you really want to be a pirate, just go and download music illegially on the web. They call those people pirates too."
He was slightly comforted by that thought, so Kim pressed play on the clicker, and they fell into silence watching the movie. About ten minutes passed, with Kim snuggled up against Ron, watching Johnny Depp kick the crap out of the skeleton pirates. Suddenly Ron's eyes widened, and he stared at the TV, then at Kim, and then at the TV once more.
"Oh my god, Kim!" he exclaimed in excitement, "You could be a pirate!"
A/N: This is a oneshot! Please don't ask for another chapter, or a sequel, because there won't be any. I just decided to be a bit random and write this for fun. It isn't going anywhere, and there's no grand plot waiting to be unhidden. It's FINISHED. Thanks for your time and patience (I can be a bit trying, I know). I love reviews:)